Thursday, September 16, 2004

another beautiful day in paradise

yes, i know...
"paradise" is stretching it a bit.
but i love me some good cliches--
had you noticed?

i know i say this ALL the time...
but i don't think i have anything to say today.
all i can think of is kid stuff.
but i've started a separate blog for that, cuz it doesn't really belong here.
so that brings me back to square one:
nothing to say.
i could tell a story, i guess.
fact or fiction?
you decide.

once upon a time...
there was a girl.
the end.

i can't write today.
i should just go back to bed.
or run away with the circus.
or run to the top of a mountain and scream until i black out.
or climb a tree and hide up there until i get too hungry...
i sound like a little kid, don't I?
well, i guess i feel like one sometimes, too.

i want a new tattoo.
on my forehead.
that says, "FUCK OFF".

I want a week to myself.
completely alone.
in a cabin, somewhere isolated.
with no phone, no tv, and no internet.
--oh yeah, and no imaginary predators.
see, that would be the problem.
i LOVE the idea of being alone like that, but i know myself.
and i know that i would be paralyzed with fear as soon as the sun went down.
don't get me wrong--
i am not currently afraid of the dark.
but my imagination has a severe grudge against me, it seems.
only at the most inopportune moments does it dash in and make a scene.
it doesn't put on nearly so good a show when I summon it.
oh well.

I want my hair to grow faster, like it used to.

I want to remember to appreciate what i have.

I want to find a new template for this site...
it's been almost a year since i changed it.
which means it's been almost two years since i started this lame ass piece of shit.

the funny thing is...
reading this post, you'll probably think i'm in a bad mood--
a depressed state, if you will.
that is far from being the case, worry not.
i am a happy little lady bug--
see, i've learned something.
and that is:
maintaining a steady degree of happiness is not possible for a human.
my lows are not even as low as some people's highs...
i yearn, i dream, i want, i need--
but these feelings aren't bad.
they are what make me the person i am,
they are what separate me from the blissfully ignorant.
and in between times of pining over the green grass on everyone else's lawns...
i am intelligently blissful.
that sounds like a qualified state of happiness, but it's not.
not really...
i think that it means i'm aware of the past and the future,
that i'm aware of the rainbow of colors that life can be.
and i'm not afraid of any of it.
i should not take all the credit for this way of living that i have enjoyed for the past few years.
my husband is a huge part of this.
he has given me the stability that i was searching for--
a groundedness that has enabled me to dream bigger dreams than i ever dared before.
it's strange, though...
i still feel bound sometimes, held back.
probably because i am the most selfish creature ever to breathe.
and i want to fly away and explore every inch of the world, every mile of souls...
and have a safe nest to come home to.

i have a big project that i need to be focusing on...
so hopefully the bloggity blog won't suffer.
i'll keep you updated, if that happens, i promise.
this silly page is very important to me--and so are you.

so, have a great thursday and don't talk to strangers.
or run with scissors.
don't forget to brush--
or flush.
get ready to vote.

No comments: