i'm not awake yet

so how is it possible that my fingers can move this quickly?
my brain is foggy, fluffy--unclear.
but i'll write something, goddammmit.
oh, it won't be something ripped with wit, charm or depth.
but it'll be something.
first--a bathroom break.

and that bathroom break turned into a breakfast-cooking break,
so now i'm awake.
at least technically.
i've always wished i could be a morning person...
and i almost am one, now.
don't ask my kids, though--they probably wouldn't agree.
i still shoot fire from my barely-opened eyes, but at least i don't spit rusty razors anymore...
my morning psychosis is near folklore status around here.
i once killed a girl for waking me before i was ready.
(okay, not really, but she did cry...friggin wuss)
and there's the classic story, which i've told here before,
of my husband sweetly saying, "i love you" and getting slapped with a grumbled, "you're a faggot."
yeah...
well!!
he should have known--after 4 years--not to expect coherant thought from me immediately upon waking.
jeeeez.
(he knows now...)

today i have to go to the court house and the police station.
sounds dark and mysterious, doesn't it?
it's not.
this is the circle jerk required for me to sign up for traffic school.
which i could TEACH, by the way.
i'm a great driver--defensive, aware, polite.
i haven't been pulled over for speeding in SEVEN years.
does this mean i don't speed?
HELL NO.
in fact, i'm amazed at my good luck, so i don't really mind the ticket.
i was way overdue.
and tomorrow's the deadline, so i hope i don't hit any snags.
wish me luck.
(or go fuck yourself.)

and now i can't think of anything else to say.
i've started and stopped several times--which is unusual for me.
i think that "go fuck yourself" line sorta threw me.
all i can think about now is that line.
and i didn't want to write about that...
i know, i know--it's a shock.
eh.
i'll blame it on the morning issue...
it's so nice to have excuses for things, places to carefully situate blame...
the twin thing used to be PERFECT for that.
i'd complain about being fat, and people would pipe up, "but you just had TWINS!"
i'd apologize for my messy house, "but you have TWINS!"
i'd be late, "oh, it must have been the TWINS!"
jeeez.
it wasn't MY idea, people just threw those at me.
i am not a big fan of making excuses, actually.
stand up and take responsibility, that's my motto.
unless it makes me look bad--then it's story time.
yes, i think i'm funny.
why do you ask?

i think i've successfully shaken any "real life" readers...
as in, people who know me in real life.
all but one, and she's cool.
which is not to say that they weren't ALL cool...
but, the thing is, having so many people read this who i am closely associated with...
well, it fucking SUCKED.
i did a pretty good job of just putting it out of my head when i wrote.
otherwise, i would have been a basket case.
but there were still plenty of things that ended up a little censored or left out altogether.
and the worst part was that my husband was the one tossing my URL around like candy at a parade.
so, it's nice to feel like i have a bit of my anonymity back.
and if i'm wrong...
well.
thanks for keeping your mouths shut, real lifers.

i had a fantastic bra-less day yesterday--i hope you all did, as well.

now it is time to do something productive.
(for me, not you. please feel free to waste the rest of your day--you have my permission)