I saw the cooooooolest license plate today. utah plates reading DIRIGO. my heart fluttered and i craned my neck to see who the driver was. Dirigo happens to be the state motto of Maine. It's also a latin word meaning "I can", er, or "I will"??? okay, bite me, it's been a few years since 7th grade maine state history class, okay?

awwwww fuck. fuckity fuck fuck fuck! i just dragged my god damn mouse across the entire page and deleted everything i just wrote. now my mouse is plugged in so the stupid annoying built in one won't do that again, but i'm sure somehting else lame will happen. i'm going to take a few deep breaths and try not to let my annoyance overflow into the rest of the post. it stops here, dammit. there. much better. deep breathing is fun...especially when it's near my open window while the neighbor kids are "smoking"....

so, as i was driving today, i realized that living in Utah neither requires nor inspires creativity and i had to share that with someone. cuz.....i felt pretty creative for coming up with it. =) it's not so much utah itself, as living in a land of strip malls and freeways. i mean, sheeeeesh. living in the back woods of maine you had to be creative just to survive. figuring out ways to entertain oneself, obviously, but also, just the way the roads are, you were allowed more creativity, more freedom...i think in a real city it would be the same, but for different reasons. like, you would have to use the creative part of your brain just to figure out the safest way home--learning which neighborhoods to avoid after dark, and just being exposed to so many different cultures all the time would have to do a little something to your gray matter. everything is just so orderly and uniform and BORING here. i know i use that word alot, but it's sort of the theme of this blog, innit?

i'm beginning to get damn annoyed with this whole car situation. i've been home for 9 days and still no car. it's not soooo bad, i just take my hubby to work and then i'm not stuck at home all day, but still. his car is kind of a pigsty. it's a beautiful car--isuzu trooper, with all the trimmings--leather, heated seats (great just what i need) even down to the adorable little headlight wipers--awwwwwww! but he is a slob. anyway, the point is, this guy who's supposed to be helping us get a "great deal" on a car is not having the best of luck. He actually found what i wanted yesterday, but the guy is holding out to see if he gets a better offer and it's driving me crazy. cuz, if we don't end up getting the damn thing, then it's back to square one, and we'll probably end up getting a car a don't really like. This one is a Jeep Cherokee--one of my two dream cars from back when i cared about such things. i know, it's a rather humble dream car, and i certainly have loftier ones, but this is more like the attainable dream car, you know? i mean, i'll get a Jaguar when i publish a book or two, and i'll get a land rover someday, and i'll get an MG, but for now, for practical reasons, this is the one. Besides, like i said, it'll probably fall through. i friggin hate waiting. oh well.

there were a few people i really wanted to see while i was home and ended up missing and it's really bothering me. i feel like the task is incomplete, the job not finished...like when you have sex and no orgasm, you know? lucky for me, that almost never happens, but still--it's the worst. so i need to get off my ass and plan my next trip home. it should be sometime in july or august, but i don't know yet, so that instills an even further feeling of unrest, malaise...i shouldn't complain--i did spend time with many important people. i even have one friend who i didn't even alert to my presence. for two reasons: one, she lives in lewiston, which is like, two hours away and she doesn't drive and i wasn't sure i'd have time to go there but she'd feel bad if i didn't...and two, last time i saw her she hurt my feelings. i'm not usually one to hold grudges, but for some reason, it was like the last straw or something. and when i told all my friends about it (cuz my feelings were hurt!) they all said the same thing, "T's always been a bitch." and i was like, oh, yeah, i guess so...but i loved her anyway! i can tolerate a lot of those personality traits that other people can't...i figure, most people are more good than bad, so it's worth it. i can't handle stupidity or the blatant ignorance of prejudice and hate but that's about it. i usually end up liking everybody i meet. i used to be a lot more of a people pleaser but now i'm more of a Lisa pleaser. no, not other Lisas, smart ass, just this one.

well on that note, kids are sleeping. I think i'll go lay on the couch and think about hot men....er, i mean watch TV.