and i'm stil hungry.
i could go back, and add another 'l' to that word.
but i don't want to.
it took much more energy to type about it, rather than do it.
do i care?
DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE???
heh.
i felt like copping a little attitude just then, that's what.
for no reason.
in fact, i've been sorta crotchety all evening.
also for no reason.
my husband said he loved me.
i said, "even when i'm ornery??"
he said, "especially when you're ornery."
i gave him a yeah-whatever laugh...
but he held out his arms and i smiled.
"it's true...you're hot when your ornery."
i snuggled in.
he's the best husband i've ever had.
so my shoulders are killing me already.
i worked out hard today--it was great.
blah blah fucking BLAH.
is this what you come here for???
me, alternating between whining and bragging??
i don't think so.
and frankly, it's not why i come here.
i come here...
because i am in love.
with writing,
with reading,
with kind words of strangers.
i am in love with the sky and the moon and the mountains and the ocean
i am in love with my kids
i am in love with adventure and reckless abandon--
with driving fast, wind in my hair
i am in love with good conversation
i am in love with good food, good drink, and good friends,
i am in love with thongs--
with hot baths and cold showers...
i am in love with pleasure.
i am in love with being in love.
i am about to throw my kitty across the room, though.
she thinks that lying on my desk--half on my keyboard, half on my mouse--
is a good idea.
i disagree.
STRONGLY.
i need a beer.
that's the problem.
i need a frozen mudslide with too much whipped cream.
i need another 6 orgasms, to make an even dozen today.
i need someone to rip my nose ring out, because the hole is too tight to let the little knobby end thinger out and i'd like to change it...
i need someone to rub my shoudlers and tell me sweet lies (you're beautifulperfectamazingagoddessdestinedtowinanobelpeaceprize).
i need to figure out how to bestow self-confidence on others, like a fairy god mother.
i need to drop ten pounds before metallica so i can buy leather pants.
i need someone to show me how to wear makeup, for just such occassions.
i need to not get turned on by the voice of the first lady on the west wing...
and i can't believe i can't think of her name.
(i'm a huge grease fan.)
i need to find a cure for peanut allergy cuz it's just not american for my son to be missing out on reese's peanut butter cups.
i need to run away to moab with jasmine for the weekend.
and talk until our jaws hurt.
i need to run away to montana to see julie for the weekend.
and talk until our jaws hurt.
today while i was driving, i thought:
if i focus really hard...
i think i could leave my body and appear in a different location.
but i was driving, so i didn't want to risk it.
there are...
so many things i want to say sometimes,
but i can't.
there are...
so many times i want to do something--
i don't even know what, but i am flooded with the need to leap out of my seat and go, do, be, have.....
i am thrilled that the Red Sox are this close to being in the world series...
i am not a fan of professional sports.
but i LOVE baseball, the game.
and i love boston.
and i love underdogs.
i am fairly certain that i have rambled just to that point of "enough",
without crossing to "too much"...
hahahaha---that's funny.
it was definitely too much.
but i feel better, so thanks.
maybe an audio post soon.
even though i never have anything to say on them...
oh yeah!
i could read one of my fantasies...
hm.
maybe.
have a happy thursday, wherever you are--
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
end day one: operation sell a house/buy a house
feeling good.
got a lot done...
hit the first major snag.
and it's a biggun.
the guy we had hired to do all the repair work...
appeared in court for something or other--
and got sent back to jail.
no passing fucking Go.
no collecting god damned $200
he had no "get out of jail free" card, either.
we're looking into finding him one, though.
fuckity fuckity.
i guess that's whatcha git for hiring an in and out of jailer.
poor guy, though.
he was actually going to do the right thing and WORK a few days, and he got denied the chance.
anywho.
okay here's the funniest damn thing i've ever come up with!!!
are you ready?
cuz it's gooooooood.
and when i say "goooooood" i mean...er...well really good.
(shit, someone remind me to email Didamo and if you're not reading her, shame on you.)
um.
faaack.
where was I??
oh yeah.
funny thing.
went shopping with Becky for a quick spell,
(not a witch's type spell, just for the record)
and as we pulled into the parking lot, there was a man walking.
she said something about his visual appeal,
and i replied with, "did you spill your coffee in my lap or am i just happy to see him?"
dude.
i'm going to patent that.
it's MINE.
don't steal it.
what?
you wouldn't use it, let alone want anyone to think you came up with it yourself?
fine.
fuck you then.
i think i'm funny.
and so does Becky.
(or at least she's good at pretending...)
we laughed for a bit over it.
then craned our necks for another look.
i swear to Zeus, i'm like a guy that way.
and not just any guy--
a construction worker, for chrissakes.
i'm a cat caller.
a "hey baby"-er.
i narrowly escape getting sued for sexual harassment at least twice a week.
so, speaking of my two real life friends who are bloggers...
the three of us are going to karaoke.
and SOON.
there will be pictures.
there will be audio.
there will be making out.
there will be---
A NIGHT OF DIVAS.
(coming soon to a theater near you)
hm.
that was going to be my sign off.
but i'm not finished.
i'm slightly wound up.
don't know why.
well, while i'm mentioning blogs you should be reading...
holy christ, why aren't more of you reading Matt's silken scarf-like words?
and i have a couple of new readers, who i'll add to my sidebar as soon as i have 20 minutes to spare for publishing this monster, cursing violently, and re-publishing until it takes...
There's Rick, who i couldn't compliment without sounding like the glaring narcissist that i am, because he sorta writes just like me.
in other words, yes, I LOVE HIM.
and there's Jason, who has been known to throw some sexy ready our way, and on other days he's just plain pleasurable to read.
(as opposed to, uh...pleasurable, wink-wink)
and then there's darling Christine--she's a co-gemini and i just adore her. reading her is like chatting with a friend.
i could say nearly the same about Jen, but that would show my laziness at its height. hm. but i also feel like i'm chatting with a friend, reading her. and she's been known to throw a little dirty talk out there, too.
oh and Edge.
he loves Moab as much as I do (maybe more) and writes with candor and grace.
all, GREAT reads.
if i left you out, it wasn't because i don't love you.
it wasn't because i haven't read you.
it wasn't because it's been raining and cold for two days.
(three?)
it was because i ran out of steam.
i'll get jiggy with it later, i swear.
okay.
and now, with that.
it's time for beddddy bye.
but this is my wednesday post, so deal with it.
got a lot done...
hit the first major snag.
and it's a biggun.
the guy we had hired to do all the repair work...
appeared in court for something or other--
and got sent back to jail.
no passing fucking Go.
no collecting god damned $200
he had no "get out of jail free" card, either.
we're looking into finding him one, though.
fuckity fuckity.
i guess that's whatcha git for hiring an in and out of jailer.
poor guy, though.
he was actually going to do the right thing and WORK a few days, and he got denied the chance.
anywho.
okay here's the funniest damn thing i've ever come up with!!!
are you ready?
cuz it's gooooooood.
and when i say "goooooood" i mean...er...well really good.
(shit, someone remind me to email Didamo and if you're not reading her, shame on you.)
um.
faaack.
where was I??
oh yeah.
funny thing.
went shopping with Becky for a quick spell,
(not a witch's type spell, just for the record)
and as we pulled into the parking lot, there was a man walking.
she said something about his visual appeal,
and i replied with, "did you spill your coffee in my lap or am i just happy to see him?"
dude.
i'm going to patent that.
it's MINE.
don't steal it.
what?
you wouldn't use it, let alone want anyone to think you came up with it yourself?
fine.
fuck you then.
i think i'm funny.
and so does Becky.
(or at least she's good at pretending...)
we laughed for a bit over it.
then craned our necks for another look.
i swear to Zeus, i'm like a guy that way.
and not just any guy--
a construction worker, for chrissakes.
i'm a cat caller.
a "hey baby"-er.
i narrowly escape getting sued for sexual harassment at least twice a week.
so, speaking of my two real life friends who are bloggers...
the three of us are going to karaoke.
and SOON.
there will be pictures.
there will be audio.
there will be making out.
there will be---
A NIGHT OF DIVAS.
(coming soon to a theater near you)
hm.
that was going to be my sign off.
but i'm not finished.
i'm slightly wound up.
don't know why.
well, while i'm mentioning blogs you should be reading...
holy christ, why aren't more of you reading Matt's silken scarf-like words?
and i have a couple of new readers, who i'll add to my sidebar as soon as i have 20 minutes to spare for publishing this monster, cursing violently, and re-publishing until it takes...
There's Rick, who i couldn't compliment without sounding like the glaring narcissist that i am, because he sorta writes just like me.
in other words, yes, I LOVE HIM.
and there's Jason, who has been known to throw some sexy ready our way, and on other days he's just plain pleasurable to read.
(as opposed to, uh...pleasurable, wink-wink)
and then there's darling Christine--she's a co-gemini and i just adore her. reading her is like chatting with a friend.
i could say nearly the same about Jen, but that would show my laziness at its height. hm. but i also feel like i'm chatting with a friend, reading her. and she's been known to throw a little dirty talk out there, too.
oh and Edge.
he loves Moab as much as I do (maybe more) and writes with candor and grace.
all, GREAT reads.
if i left you out, it wasn't because i don't love you.
it wasn't because i haven't read you.
it wasn't because it's been raining and cold for two days.
(three?)
it was because i ran out of steam.
i'll get jiggy with it later, i swear.
okay.
and now, with that.
it's time for beddddy bye.
but this is my wednesday post, so deal with it.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
i have time for a quickie--
even if that's all.
i have today to get every non-essential item in our house packed up.
gulp.
so the hubby can get it all moved into a storage unit tonight.
tomorrow the work begins...
ripping up of kitchen and bathroom floors...
it's going to be a bit of a pain in my ass for a few days.
the sad/annoying/stupid part is that when we finish all the repairs,
i might actually like this place.
.......nah.
it still has a shitty floor plan.
so, this is why i'll be scarce from time to time.
maybe i'll just start posting at night?
who knows.
one thing i DO know, is that i love this blog as much as i love my kids (sometimes more...) so it's going nowhere.
well.
i think i'm procrastinating...
i better go shower and get busy.
jesus.
why do i have such a dirty mind???
i giggle like a frigging 13 year old when i write stuff like that--
"shower and get busy".
siiiiiiiigh.
sadly, for all my big talk, i haven't enjoyed such a moment in a while.
maybe soon.
yes, it's sad when you can't even make sweet love to yourself.
i mean, shit!
it's one thing to long for someone far away or out of reach...
but to long for some quality alone time??
i think i may have taken "wanting what you can't have" to a whole new level of pathetic.
heeee!!!
well.
have a great BRALESS TUESDAY!!
that was close--
i almost forgot.
maybe i'll even have time for a quick picture...
but don't count on it.
...just know that there is only a light cotton shirt stretched over my rack-ola.
and it's chilly here today...
kisses to you all--
(on the backs of your hands...)
i have today to get every non-essential item in our house packed up.
gulp.
so the hubby can get it all moved into a storage unit tonight.
tomorrow the work begins...
ripping up of kitchen and bathroom floors...
it's going to be a bit of a pain in my ass for a few days.
the sad/annoying/stupid part is that when we finish all the repairs,
i might actually like this place.
.......nah.
it still has a shitty floor plan.
so, this is why i'll be scarce from time to time.
maybe i'll just start posting at night?
who knows.
one thing i DO know, is that i love this blog as much as i love my kids (sometimes more...) so it's going nowhere.
well.
i think i'm procrastinating...
i better go shower and get busy.
jesus.
why do i have such a dirty mind???
i giggle like a frigging 13 year old when i write stuff like that--
"shower and get busy".
siiiiiiiigh.
sadly, for all my big talk, i haven't enjoyed such a moment in a while.
maybe soon.
yes, it's sad when you can't even make sweet love to yourself.
i mean, shit!
it's one thing to long for someone far away or out of reach...
but to long for some quality alone time??
i think i may have taken "wanting what you can't have" to a whole new level of pathetic.
heeee!!!
well.
have a great BRALESS TUESDAY!!
that was close--
i almost forgot.
maybe i'll even have time for a quick picture...
but don't count on it.
...just know that there is only a light cotton shirt stretched over my rack-ola.
and it's chilly here today...
kisses to you all--
(on the backs of your hands...)
Monday, October 18, 2004
sometimes when i get home from the gym
i feel like posting
even though i should be cooking dinner.
but sometimes...
the adrenaline's pumping,
and my brain is actually functioning properly--
so i try to take the best advantage of that.
eh.
i'm probably jumping the gun there.
"functioning properly"??
i don't think that's even in my vocabulary anymore,
let alone something that's physiologically possible.
but it's fun being a crazy mixed up mess.
i like it, at least.
and i'm a good kind of mess, anyway.
so anyway.
while i was running, i was scanning the gym floor.
i felt like i was playing a grown-up's version of "duck, duck, goose"...
only in my version...
it was:
hot...
hot...
HOT...
hot...
fuck!
and it that point i tripped and fell off the treadmill.
just kidding.
i've never done that, but i'm always a little afraid i will.
i do, however, always slide off it when i'm done, as it's still moving, and hop to the ground...
for some reason that little move makes me feel like an 80's pop star--
in both good and bad ways.
heh.
i did, however, noticed myself lip syncing while i was doing my weights.
sometimes i get a little too into my tunes...
and i looked downright evil--
it was Anthrax, "Crush".
what can i say?
it's a great song.
and whenever godsmack's "Awake" starts, i am physically unable to NOT smack my hand against my thigh--
bomp-bomp-ba-bomp!!
bomp-bomp-ba-bomp!!
bomp-bomp-ba-bomp!!
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!
i just pray to the gods of cool (who, incidentally, do NOT favor me) that i'll never accidentally yell that last part out.
siiiiiiiiigh.
this little rant is forcing me to realize that when i wonder if guys are checking me out...
they're probably just wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
-does she have turrett's syndrome or something? she's all twitchy...
-she looks angry...
-i wonder if she's good in bed?
hey, they're GUYS.
(oh, and just for the record, yes, yes she is.)
and my kids are officially smarter than me.
Twin B: "mom? why are the mountains so big, so they hold up the sky?"
Moi: the mountains don't hold up the sky...
Twin B: "then how does it stay up there?"
holy shit, good question!!
they've got me thinkin'...
could the sky...be...FALLING???
heh.
okay, maybe not.
guess i'll go cook dinner.
save a horse--
ride a cowboy.
even though i should be cooking dinner.
but sometimes...
the adrenaline's pumping,
and my brain is actually functioning properly--
so i try to take the best advantage of that.
eh.
i'm probably jumping the gun there.
"functioning properly"??
i don't think that's even in my vocabulary anymore,
let alone something that's physiologically possible.
but it's fun being a crazy mixed up mess.
i like it, at least.
and i'm a good kind of mess, anyway.
so anyway.
while i was running, i was scanning the gym floor.
i felt like i was playing a grown-up's version of "duck, duck, goose"...
only in my version...
it was:
hot...
hot...
HOT...
hot...
fuck!
and it that point i tripped and fell off the treadmill.
just kidding.
i've never done that, but i'm always a little afraid i will.
i do, however, always slide off it when i'm done, as it's still moving, and hop to the ground...
for some reason that little move makes me feel like an 80's pop star--
in both good and bad ways.
heh.
i did, however, noticed myself lip syncing while i was doing my weights.
sometimes i get a little too into my tunes...
and i looked downright evil--
it was Anthrax, "Crush".
what can i say?
it's a great song.
and whenever godsmack's "Awake" starts, i am physically unable to NOT smack my hand against my thigh--
bomp-bomp-ba-bomp!!
bomp-bomp-ba-bomp!!
bomp-bomp-ba-bomp!!
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!
i just pray to the gods of cool (who, incidentally, do NOT favor me) that i'll never accidentally yell that last part out.
siiiiiiiiigh.
this little rant is forcing me to realize that when i wonder if guys are checking me out...
they're probably just wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
-does she have turrett's syndrome or something? she's all twitchy...
-she looks angry...
-i wonder if she's good in bed?
hey, they're GUYS.
(oh, and just for the record, yes, yes she is.)
and my kids are officially smarter than me.
Twin B: "mom? why are the mountains so big, so they hold up the sky?"
Moi: the mountains don't hold up the sky...
Twin B: "then how does it stay up there?"
holy shit, good question!!
they've got me thinkin'...
could the sky...be...FALLING???
heh.
okay, maybe not.
guess i'll go cook dinner.
save a horse--
ride a cowboy.
it's raining, it's pouring...
i was just having this dream
where i was reading a new blog
and i thought it was a girl, writing about her boyfriend.
there was a picture
and it was two (HOT) guys...
then, because i live in Harry Potter world (or because it was dream)
the picture started moving, and they were getting in the shower.
i learned something from this:
two hot guys is even better than one.
AND watching The Real World can be hazardous to your dream life.
also, reminded me to go check a certain blog.
so.
we looked at a few houses last night.
we're MOVING.
not out of utah, sadly, but the next best thing--
to Salt Lake.
not a big move, but it'll be a little better as far as the whole mormon thing.
(i don't feel like getting into my issues with that right now, but maybe later.)
anyway, my husband was basically handed the winning lottery ticket of new jobs.
he wasn't even looking.
but they wanted him, and they offered him great things.
his new office is in downtown salt lake, so it's the perfect excuse to move that way.
so...
all you're going to be hearing about over the next few weeks is:
* all the work it's taking to get our house ready to sell.
* all the great houses we're looking at
* how annoying it is to have people come see OUR house
* and how anxious i am for it all to be over
so you might wanna tune out.
oh, and one last thing--
i'm so proud of my husband.
we've both been so excited, i keep forgetting to tell him that.
so we've had a fun weekend.
we have a MILLION things to do, to get our house ready to sell.
fortunately we have a friend who's really great at home repair type of stuff and is out of work right now.
so we're just going to pay him to do it.
yeeeee haaaw!!
it's been a whirlwind.
okay.
enough of that, for now.
jeeez, if i don't watch out, i'm going to end up posting nudes just to make up for such boring posts!!!
i'm just so excited and preoccupied that it's all i can think of.
even during sex, i'll find myself wondering if that house with the hot tub is going to have ugly carpet and light fixtures, or if that one with the funky Frank Lloyd Wright style architecture is going to be retro inside, too...
oops.
sorry i took so long, honey, i couldn't stop thinking about houses...
we giggled about it.
we're like kids.
okay!!!
i said "enough".
uh.
the next thing in my scattered brain is probably even more boring.
i'm chaperoning a field trip for preschool today.
should betorturous fun.
we're supposed to go to the Pumpkin Patch so the kids can pick out their own pumpkins, and do a corn maze.
it really does sound fun, but--
it's pouring rain.
so i imagine it'll be cancelled, but i'm not sure.
bleh.
okay.
sex, anyone??
debauchery of some variety is in order, at the very least!!
hm...
well.
i need to go take my shower.
but maybe i'll make it an extra long one...
and maybe i'll take a toy.
and perhaps i'll think about someone...
as the water washes over me,
the suds rinsing away and swirling down the drain.
maybe i'll pretend you are there.
the water's so hot our skin turns red.
maybe i'll wish you were pressing me against the cool tile walls,
and maybe i'll let my mind believe that your hard chest is pressing into my soft one...
your hand in my wet, tanlged hair...
(my nipples are hard just from writing this)
i'll wish you were there.
i'll wish your lips would find mine, then lose them again--
as you travelled down my body, kissing and biting.
i'll wish that i could pull you into me--
hard.
i'll close my eyes and believe you're there.
i'll feel you, taste you, smell you...
i'll be glad the door is locked and the water's hot,
as i give myself an orgasm in your name...
so there.
happy monday.
oh, and there's a new series on buzznet.
where i was reading a new blog
and i thought it was a girl, writing about her boyfriend.
there was a picture
and it was two (HOT) guys...
then, because i live in Harry Potter world (or because it was dream)
the picture started moving, and they were getting in the shower.
i learned something from this:
two hot guys is even better than one.
AND watching The Real World can be hazardous to your dream life.
also, reminded me to go check a certain blog.
so.
we looked at a few houses last night.
we're MOVING.
not out of utah, sadly, but the next best thing--
to Salt Lake.
not a big move, but it'll be a little better as far as the whole mormon thing.
(i don't feel like getting into my issues with that right now, but maybe later.)
anyway, my husband was basically handed the winning lottery ticket of new jobs.
he wasn't even looking.
but they wanted him, and they offered him great things.
his new office is in downtown salt lake, so it's the perfect excuse to move that way.
so...
all you're going to be hearing about over the next few weeks is:
* all the work it's taking to get our house ready to sell.
* all the great houses we're looking at
* how annoying it is to have people come see OUR house
* and how anxious i am for it all to be over
so you might wanna tune out.
oh, and one last thing--
i'm so proud of my husband.
we've both been so excited, i keep forgetting to tell him that.
so we've had a fun weekend.
we have a MILLION things to do, to get our house ready to sell.
fortunately we have a friend who's really great at home repair type of stuff and is out of work right now.
so we're just going to pay him to do it.
yeeeee haaaw!!
it's been a whirlwind.
okay.
enough of that, for now.
jeeez, if i don't watch out, i'm going to end up posting nudes just to make up for such boring posts!!!
i'm just so excited and preoccupied that it's all i can think of.
even during sex, i'll find myself wondering if that house with the hot tub is going to have ugly carpet and light fixtures, or if that one with the funky Frank Lloyd Wright style architecture is going to be retro inside, too...
oops.
sorry i took so long, honey, i couldn't stop thinking about houses...
we giggled about it.
we're like kids.
okay!!!
i said "enough".
uh.
the next thing in my scattered brain is probably even more boring.
i'm chaperoning a field trip for preschool today.
should be
we're supposed to go to the Pumpkin Patch so the kids can pick out their own pumpkins, and do a corn maze.
it really does sound fun, but--
it's pouring rain.
so i imagine it'll be cancelled, but i'm not sure.
bleh.
okay.
sex, anyone??
debauchery of some variety is in order, at the very least!!
hm...
well.
i need to go take my shower.
but maybe i'll make it an extra long one...
and maybe i'll take a toy.
and perhaps i'll think about someone...
as the water washes over me,
the suds rinsing away and swirling down the drain.
maybe i'll pretend you are there.
the water's so hot our skin turns red.
maybe i'll wish you were pressing me against the cool tile walls,
and maybe i'll let my mind believe that your hard chest is pressing into my soft one...
your hand in my wet, tanlged hair...
(my nipples are hard just from writing this)
i'll wish you were there.
i'll wish your lips would find mine, then lose them again--
as you travelled down my body, kissing and biting.
i'll wish that i could pull you into me--
hard.
i'll close my eyes and believe you're there.
i'll feel you, taste you, smell you...
i'll be glad the door is locked and the water's hot,
as i give myself an orgasm in your name...
so there.
happy monday.
oh, and there's a new series on buzznet.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
i woke this morning to a pink sky
it was incredible.
but, sadly, i was too hung over to trudge downstairs for the camera and a quick shot.
it was beautiful enough that i wanted to, though.
last night was a great night, with some good friends.
we saw a movie...um...
sky captain and the world of tomorrow??
something like that.
it was cute.
then, dinner at a fantastic little Thai place.
and off to the bar.
great band, and a depressingly great atmosphere.
i was in the top 5% of youngest people there.
as in, most patrons were over 40.
WELL over 40...
so we got checked out a LOT.
i didn't even drink too much--
just enough, for once.
did a little dancing, played some extra-shitty pool, and made more trips to the bathroom than a pregnant chick.
or something.
and that bathroom SUCKED.
it was under construction--
out of 4 stalls, one had no door, but a working toilet
(never reached the point where i was drunk enough to use that one...)
and one had a door but was filled with construction equipment.
there were plenty of paper towels (which is sometimes an issue in public restrooms)
but NO soap.
*shudder*
we had a lovely time.
today we're going to take the kids bowling.
i better drink some coffe or snort some coke or something.
or just take a bunch of deep breaths.
they're my little sweeties, but sometimes when we attempt these little outings it takes a hell of a lot of patience and good cheer.
and today i'm a bit short on those.
maybe after the shower, it'll look better.
feel better.
smell better!
we carved pumpkins yesterday.
super fun.
jesus, i feel like shit.
have a happy sunday.
go to church, ya fuckin heathen.
oh, i took pictures before i went out last night...
i'll put some on buzznet.
but, sadly, i was too hung over to trudge downstairs for the camera and a quick shot.
it was beautiful enough that i wanted to, though.
last night was a great night, with some good friends.
we saw a movie...um...
sky captain and the world of tomorrow??
something like that.
it was cute.
then, dinner at a fantastic little Thai place.
and off to the bar.
great band, and a depressingly great atmosphere.
i was in the top 5% of youngest people there.
as in, most patrons were over 40.
WELL over 40...
so we got checked out a LOT.
i didn't even drink too much--
just enough, for once.
did a little dancing, played some extra-shitty pool, and made more trips to the bathroom than a pregnant chick.
or something.
and that bathroom SUCKED.
it was under construction--
out of 4 stalls, one had no door, but a working toilet
(never reached the point where i was drunk enough to use that one...)
and one had a door but was filled with construction equipment.
there were plenty of paper towels (which is sometimes an issue in public restrooms)
but NO soap.
*shudder*
we had a lovely time.
today we're going to take the kids bowling.
i better drink some coffe or snort some coke or something.
or just take a bunch of deep breaths.
they're my little sweeties, but sometimes when we attempt these little outings it takes a hell of a lot of patience and good cheer.
and today i'm a bit short on those.
maybe after the shower, it'll look better.
feel better.
smell better!
we carved pumpkins yesterday.
super fun.
jesus, i feel like shit.
have a happy sunday.
go to church, ya fuckin heathen.
oh, i took pictures before i went out last night...
i'll put some on buzznet.
Friday, October 15, 2004
Bits and pieces, odds and ends....
I am yours,
and you are mine.
until the end of time and light.
********
Focus--
elusive,
like a leaf blowing in the wind.
always out of reach,
i trip along
stretching, leaning--
needing.
Never alone, never quiet here
and when it arrives--finally--
the silence is distracting
full of the remainders of thoughts from the chaotic moments.
Frozen
In Time
Not yet ready
For this to end
just some shit i scribbled during traffic school.
that last little pyramid one? i built it that way on purpose. 1-2-3-4
yes, this was a second run of traffic school...
goddamned lead foot lisa.
so now, here i sit on a friday night.
hubby's having a beer with a buddy.
i'm trying to unwind.
it was a busy, but exciting day.
so i'm sitting here, listening to some tunes.
some wonderful tunes.
and thinking some dreamy dreamland thoughts.
and then pooof--
there you were.
to know that i woke you...
with my wanting.
across the mountains, the plains, and the sea...
it still surprises me when such proof of our deep-running connection surfaces.
sleep well, sweet one--
weekends make me think--
i need to take some serious time out and just breathe.
breathing is harder than it sounds.
okay, not really, but that sounded cool.
not cool like Kerouac, or cool like Cobain, or cool like Kennedy.
cool like...
water running over dark smooth rocks...
moss covering the banks, sun sneaking through rustling leaves...
a carpet of wet leaves, pine needles, frost covered grass.
home.
i wanna go home.
i have this strange feeling that i could be a better writer there.
stooooopid thought.
all i need is a laptop to be a writer.
but...
there's something about living in a conformist's paradise that is rather hellish on one's creativity.
or maybe not.
maybe it's just what i need, to force me to be different.
yeah, that's more like it.
...over the rainbow, way up high...
(still have my tunes running...)
anyway, i should stop dwelling on it.
i should just be thankful my parents are in good enough health that i'm not needed.
but i did ask my mom if she wouldn't mind just breaking her ankle or something.
so i would be NEEDED, for god's sake.
she was willing, cutely enough.
or maybe i can just swing some sort of weekend trip.
like a normal person.
i think i have delusions of grandeur.
or maybe, once again, i just like the sound of that.
...but doesn't that prove it?
ah, nevermind.
sleight of hand and twist of fate...
sometimes i wonder.
actually, most of the time i'm not talking, i spend wondering...
wondering and wandering, in my head.
needing and wanting and wishing and dreaming.
planning?
never.
regretting?
rarely.
appreciating what i have?
ugh.
only if you remind me...
fucking brat.
(me)
you know...
sometimes i am confused.
sometimes i am apathetic.
sometimes i am inspired.
sometimes i am a little bit country...
and i'm ALWAYS a little bit rock n' roll.
over and out.
ten-four.
and you are mine.
until the end of time and light.
********
Focus--
elusive,
like a leaf blowing in the wind.
always out of reach,
i trip along
stretching, leaning--
needing.
Never alone, never quiet here
and when it arrives--finally--
the silence is distracting
full of the remainders of thoughts from the chaotic moments.
Frozen
In Time
Not yet ready
For this to end
just some shit i scribbled during traffic school.
that last little pyramid one? i built it that way on purpose. 1-2-3-4
yes, this was a second run of traffic school...
goddamned lead foot lisa.
so now, here i sit on a friday night.
hubby's having a beer with a buddy.
i'm trying to unwind.
it was a busy, but exciting day.
so i'm sitting here, listening to some tunes.
some wonderful tunes.
and thinking some dreamy dreamland thoughts.
and then pooof--
there you were.
to know that i woke you...
with my wanting.
across the mountains, the plains, and the sea...
it still surprises me when such proof of our deep-running connection surfaces.
sleep well, sweet one--
weekends make me think--
i need to take some serious time out and just breathe.
breathing is harder than it sounds.
okay, not really, but that sounded cool.
not cool like Kerouac, or cool like Cobain, or cool like Kennedy.
cool like...
water running over dark smooth rocks...
moss covering the banks, sun sneaking through rustling leaves...
a carpet of wet leaves, pine needles, frost covered grass.
home.
i wanna go home.
i have this strange feeling that i could be a better writer there.
stooooopid thought.
all i need is a laptop to be a writer.
but...
there's something about living in a conformist's paradise that is rather hellish on one's creativity.
or maybe not.
maybe it's just what i need, to force me to be different.
yeah, that's more like it.
...over the rainbow, way up high...
(still have my tunes running...)
anyway, i should stop dwelling on it.
i should just be thankful my parents are in good enough health that i'm not needed.
but i did ask my mom if she wouldn't mind just breaking her ankle or something.
so i would be NEEDED, for god's sake.
she was willing, cutely enough.
or maybe i can just swing some sort of weekend trip.
like a normal person.
i think i have delusions of grandeur.
or maybe, once again, i just like the sound of that.
...but doesn't that prove it?
ah, nevermind.
sleight of hand and twist of fate...
sometimes i wonder.
actually, most of the time i'm not talking, i spend wondering...
wondering and wandering, in my head.
needing and wanting and wishing and dreaming.
planning?
never.
regretting?
rarely.
appreciating what i have?
ugh.
only if you remind me...
fucking brat.
(me)
you know...
sometimes i am confused.
sometimes i am apathetic.
sometimes i am inspired.
sometimes i am a little bit country...
and i'm ALWAYS a little bit rock n' roll.
over and out.
ten-four.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
can't think of anything clever to go here.
and that feels kinda funny.
okay, so maybe "clever" is stretching it a bit.
but whatever.
i don't need some fancy title just so i can fill this page with brain vomit.
i hate this time of year.
well, mostly i love this time of year...
but what i hate about it is that i like my house to be the perfect temperature ALL THE TIME.
i keep it 72 in here, summer and winter.
and right now, it's really cold when i get up, so i am tempted to turn on the furnace.
but then, it gets hot outside.
bah.
yes, i could put on a robe, or a sweatshirt or a frigging fur coat.
but that's a whole other set of neuroses, so let's not go there.
bottom line?
i'm fucking freezing right now.
(it's 67 degrees in here...)
odd that 5 degrees makes such a huge difference.
hey, awesome!!--i'm a crotchety old lady already!!
but i don't think i have room for another personality...
i already have a dirty old man and a teenage boy rattling around upstairs.
and, frankly, an old lady would kick both their asses and i really don't have the kinda drugs it would take to deal with that.
aw, speaking of sweet old ladies...
my grandmother's sister died this week.
i only met her once--
they were both over 90 at the time and neither of them could hear worth a shit.
it was really cute to watch them (try to) have a conversation.
my grandmother was one of my favorite people on the earth.
such a tough, no-nonsense lady.
and yet she had a great sense of humor--and one of the best Maine accents ever.
but i got her nose, and that's something we're going to have words over, in the after-life!!
hahahahaha.
so, the chill aside, today is a beautiful day.
it is a new day.
full of hope and expectations.
it is a clean slate, an empty canvas...
to fill with everything and anything i want.
i'll probably start by doing something stupid,
then fill the rest of the day by trying to fix it.
...how's that for optimism?
okay, fine, maybe i'll change the world today.
maybe i'll finally figure out how to travel thousands of miles in the blink of an eye.
you know, i actually almost achieved that the other day.
it was intense.
and no, no drugs were involved.
that's the beauty of being me...
i can be as crazy as an acid-tripping coke whore with just water and a good night's sleep.
and did i say "beauty"?
i think i meant something else.
but i can't think of what that would be.
i'm such a fucking gemini.
the happiest person i know, and the one with the deepest pinings, too.
i love that word.
but i do wish there was a less-wisconsin-state-mascot-filled way to say that...
i mean, what do we have?
yearn, pine, ache, hanker, desire, languish...
bleh.
waaaay too romance-novel.
anywho.
all i'm saying is: i'm content and restless at the same time.
how 'bout that?
so last night the husband and i were doing our thang.
wink-wink.
my first orgasm of the night was followed by a murmur of,
"if i didn't love you...and you did that to me? i would say i loved you..."
I'm just full of classics.
nothing will ever compare to the "I love you"/"you're a faggot" exchange, but i'm sure i'll keep putting my foot in my mouth for years to come...
hey--a girl who can put her foot in her mouth, is actually quite a bonus.
(...bendy...)
so i think that's enough torture for today.
if you haven't had enough, let me know.
and i'll do an audio post of me singing all the theme songs to my kids' favorite shows.
(okay, not really. that would be enough to drive even the horniest prison inmate to never visit my site again.)
hey, are any of you prison inmates??
if so, i could really use a new penpal...
have a good day, and give a good day/head.
okay, so maybe "clever" is stretching it a bit.
but whatever.
i don't need some fancy title just so i can fill this page with brain vomit.
i hate this time of year.
well, mostly i love this time of year...
but what i hate about it is that i like my house to be the perfect temperature ALL THE TIME.
i keep it 72 in here, summer and winter.
and right now, it's really cold when i get up, so i am tempted to turn on the furnace.
but then, it gets hot outside.
bah.
yes, i could put on a robe, or a sweatshirt or a frigging fur coat.
but that's a whole other set of neuroses, so let's not go there.
bottom line?
i'm fucking freezing right now.
(it's 67 degrees in here...)
odd that 5 degrees makes such a huge difference.
hey, awesome!!--i'm a crotchety old lady already!!
but i don't think i have room for another personality...
i already have a dirty old man and a teenage boy rattling around upstairs.
and, frankly, an old lady would kick both their asses and i really don't have the kinda drugs it would take to deal with that.
aw, speaking of sweet old ladies...
my grandmother's sister died this week.
i only met her once--
they were both over 90 at the time and neither of them could hear worth a shit.
it was really cute to watch them (try to) have a conversation.
my grandmother was one of my favorite people on the earth.
such a tough, no-nonsense lady.
and yet she had a great sense of humor--and one of the best Maine accents ever.
but i got her nose, and that's something we're going to have words over, in the after-life!!
hahahahaha.
so, the chill aside, today is a beautiful day.
it is a new day.
full of hope and expectations.
it is a clean slate, an empty canvas...
to fill with everything and anything i want.
i'll probably start by doing something stupid,
then fill the rest of the day by trying to fix it.
...how's that for optimism?
okay, fine, maybe i'll change the world today.
maybe i'll finally figure out how to travel thousands of miles in the blink of an eye.
you know, i actually almost achieved that the other day.
it was intense.
and no, no drugs were involved.
that's the beauty of being me...
i can be as crazy as an acid-tripping coke whore with just water and a good night's sleep.
and did i say "beauty"?
i think i meant something else.
but i can't think of what that would be.
i'm such a fucking gemini.
the happiest person i know, and the one with the deepest pinings, too.
i love that word.
but i do wish there was a less-wisconsin-state-mascot-filled way to say that...
i mean, what do we have?
yearn, pine, ache, hanker, desire, languish...
bleh.
waaaay too romance-novel.
anywho.
all i'm saying is: i'm content and restless at the same time.
how 'bout that?
so last night the husband and i were doing our thang.
wink-wink.
my first orgasm of the night was followed by a murmur of,
"if i didn't love you...and you did that to me? i would say i loved you..."
I'm just full of classics.
nothing will ever compare to the "I love you"/"you're a faggot" exchange, but i'm sure i'll keep putting my foot in my mouth for years to come...
hey--a girl who can put her foot in her mouth, is actually quite a bonus.
(...bendy...)
so i think that's enough torture for today.
if you haven't had enough, let me know.
and i'll do an audio post of me singing all the theme songs to my kids' favorite shows.
(okay, not really. that would be enough to drive even the horniest prison inmate to never visit my site again.)
hey, are any of you prison inmates??
if so, i could really use a new penpal...
have a good day, and give a good day/head.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
there's no business like show business
...or so i hear.
Sometimes I worry that I've lost the ability to love anyone but myself.
and then I worry that this site just exacerbates that problem...
but then I get preoccupied by the word "exacerbate"
because it sounds so much like masturbate!!
i never claimed to be mature...
does anyone remember National Novel Writing Month?
it's coming right up--
November 1st is the starting point.
it is the single greatest activity for anyone who loves to write.
particularly my fellow procrastinators out there...
i completed the 50,000 words the first year i did it, but not last year.
i just couldn't get into it.
i'm going to try again this year, and you all should do the same!!
i don't have much to say today.
maybe it's cuz i'm dying to get into the shower.
no, not like that ya pervs.
...although, on second thought...
hahaha.
i've been asked to do a guest post, on one of my FAVORITE blogs...
and i'm really excited to do it.
i don't think i've ever done a guest post before...
but, along with the excitment comes nervousness.
it's totally different, to write on someone else's little space.
here?
i don't give a flying fuck what i say.
it just rolls out and i leave it to rot in the sun.
but when someone else's reputation is at stake...
PRESSURE.
so.
i'll probably do what any good writer would do--
and post boobie pics.
only, it's a guy's site.
and 99% of his readers are women.
i better stop thinking about it, and just do it.
i work much better without thinking.
hahaha.
does it show??
okay, since it seems that not enough people read my little story from Sunday...
i'm going to repost it.
i'm just excited that i wrote something non-pornographicalistic.
although, that reminds me: i do have a great fantasy in the works...
once upon a time,
there was a man.
he was so black on the inside that his pale skin looked gray.
most of the time, he was evil in small ways--
like not tipping a waitress, or sneezing into his hands before beginning a dental exam.
yes, he was a dentist.
this had been the first step toward the dark side.
he was a sweet kid, all through college.
but something twisted inside him when he got rejected from 72 different med schools in a year.
he began drinking, and he faked back pain so he could get some prescription pain pills.
while on these cloudy, wallowing "highs" (which would better be called "lows")
he would sketch out scenes of armageddon, with a black felt tipped pen.
he would chain smoke and jerk off--angrily, and while looking at increasingly disturbing images.
by the end of that dark period, he was cumming to video shot of war-time torture and massacres.
one day, during all of this self-loathing and self-abuse his mom called.
he didn't answer the phone--never did anymore.
but she left a message.
and her voice floated eerily through his drug-induced haze,
just like an angel, he would later think.
she mentioned dental school.
he was stubbing out a cigarette, on the inside of his wrist, when he heard those words.
it was like an electric shock.
he walked to the shower and got in.
and he stood there until the water was cold and he was sober.
he finished applying to the closest dental school that very same week,
and was top in his class every year.
he was still a little odd...
no one liked him much.
and this...
this contributed to the rotting away of his insides.
he opened a practice and did everything right--
he was an efficient, confident dentist.
he was polite and calm.
he never thought about those dark months he had spent in the small apartment suffocated by enough hate to fill a football stadium.
it was almost as if it had never happened...
but he was aware of it,
he just didn't judge himself for it--
he didn't think it was wrong, so he didn't worry about whether or not he might have a relapse.
well...
he should have.
somehow he conducted a lovely courtship with one of the receptionists from the optometrist next door.
she loved him.
they got married.
she still said she loved him.
but.
one day he walked in on her, taking on 3 guys at the same time--
one cock in each orafice.
he simply blinked, turned around, and walked out.
he called a moving company, and they removed her personal items.
he went to work the next day, without so much as a hair out of place.
he never spoke of her again.
but...
he resumed smoking.
and his only ashtry was his body.
he had little black dots covering himself...
sometimes he would hold the lighter to his chest until the hair burned off.
sometimes he would take an exacto knife and write words in his thigh.
but the worst of it...
was when he would tell himself he deserved to get laid.
he would toss back a couple of pills, and call an escort service.
...soon he ran out of escort services he could call and had to cruise the part of town where women walked the street.
it wasn't the sex that frightened these women.
it was the "porn" he had playing...
it was the look in his eyes, the scars on his body.
...the way his hands shook when putting on the condom.
they didn't know he was poking small holes in them first.
they always left crying, often leaving behind a shoe in their haste.
and when they turned up pregnant, most of them had a gut feeling it was him--
and ran to the abortion clinic.
on other days he spread his evil in smaller ways.
but it became a constant--
in any situation, he made the worst choice.
he hurt people in small but deep ways--leavingn lasting marks.
he was like a cancer eating away the world around him.
one day, he saw a crying child on the far side of a busy street.
he was pressed forward, hoping to snatch the child before anyone else noticed.
in his haste...
he stepped in front of a bus.
Sometimes I worry that I've lost the ability to love anyone but myself.
and then I worry that this site just exacerbates that problem...
but then I get preoccupied by the word "exacerbate"
because it sounds so much like masturbate!!
i never claimed to be mature...
does anyone remember National Novel Writing Month?
it's coming right up--
November 1st is the starting point.
it is the single greatest activity for anyone who loves to write.
particularly my fellow procrastinators out there...
i completed the 50,000 words the first year i did it, but not last year.
i just couldn't get into it.
i'm going to try again this year, and you all should do the same!!
i don't have much to say today.
maybe it's cuz i'm dying to get into the shower.
no, not like that ya pervs.
...although, on second thought...
hahaha.
i've been asked to do a guest post, on one of my FAVORITE blogs...
and i'm really excited to do it.
i don't think i've ever done a guest post before...
but, along with the excitment comes nervousness.
it's totally different, to write on someone else's little space.
here?
i don't give a flying fuck what i say.
it just rolls out and i leave it to rot in the sun.
but when someone else's reputation is at stake...
PRESSURE.
so.
i'll probably do what any good writer would do--
and post boobie pics.
only, it's a guy's site.
and 99% of his readers are women.
i better stop thinking about it, and just do it.
i work much better without thinking.
hahaha.
does it show??
okay, since it seems that not enough people read my little story from Sunday...
i'm going to repost it.
i'm just excited that i wrote something non-pornographicalistic.
although, that reminds me: i do have a great fantasy in the works...
once upon a time,
there was a man.
he was so black on the inside that his pale skin looked gray.
most of the time, he was evil in small ways--
like not tipping a waitress, or sneezing into his hands before beginning a dental exam.
yes, he was a dentist.
this had been the first step toward the dark side.
he was a sweet kid, all through college.
but something twisted inside him when he got rejected from 72 different med schools in a year.
he began drinking, and he faked back pain so he could get some prescription pain pills.
while on these cloudy, wallowing "highs" (which would better be called "lows")
he would sketch out scenes of armageddon, with a black felt tipped pen.
he would chain smoke and jerk off--angrily, and while looking at increasingly disturbing images.
by the end of that dark period, he was cumming to video shot of war-time torture and massacres.
one day, during all of this self-loathing and self-abuse his mom called.
he didn't answer the phone--never did anymore.
but she left a message.
and her voice floated eerily through his drug-induced haze,
just like an angel, he would later think.
she mentioned dental school.
he was stubbing out a cigarette, on the inside of his wrist, when he heard those words.
it was like an electric shock.
he walked to the shower and got in.
and he stood there until the water was cold and he was sober.
he finished applying to the closest dental school that very same week,
and was top in his class every year.
he was still a little odd...
no one liked him much.
and this...
this contributed to the rotting away of his insides.
he opened a practice and did everything right--
he was an efficient, confident dentist.
he was polite and calm.
he never thought about those dark months he had spent in the small apartment suffocated by enough hate to fill a football stadium.
it was almost as if it had never happened...
but he was aware of it,
he just didn't judge himself for it--
he didn't think it was wrong, so he didn't worry about whether or not he might have a relapse.
well...
he should have.
somehow he conducted a lovely courtship with one of the receptionists from the optometrist next door.
she loved him.
they got married.
she still said she loved him.
but.
one day he walked in on her, taking on 3 guys at the same time--
one cock in each orafice.
he simply blinked, turned around, and walked out.
he called a moving company, and they removed her personal items.
he went to work the next day, without so much as a hair out of place.
he never spoke of her again.
but...
he resumed smoking.
and his only ashtry was his body.
he had little black dots covering himself...
sometimes he would hold the lighter to his chest until the hair burned off.
sometimes he would take an exacto knife and write words in his thigh.
but the worst of it...
was when he would tell himself he deserved to get laid.
he would toss back a couple of pills, and call an escort service.
...soon he ran out of escort services he could call and had to cruise the part of town where women walked the street.
it wasn't the sex that frightened these women.
it was the "porn" he had playing...
it was the look in his eyes, the scars on his body.
...the way his hands shook when putting on the condom.
they didn't know he was poking small holes in them first.
they always left crying, often leaving behind a shoe in their haste.
and when they turned up pregnant, most of them had a gut feeling it was him--
and ran to the abortion clinic.
on other days he spread his evil in smaller ways.
but it became a constant--
in any situation, he made the worst choice.
he hurt people in small but deep ways--leavingn lasting marks.
he was like a cancer eating away the world around him.
one day, he saw a crying child on the far side of a busy street.
he was pressed forward, hoping to snatch the child before anyone else noticed.
in his haste...
he stepped in front of a bus.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
back in the saddle again
or at least, i'm back to myself.
no more fucking whining.
(for today at least)
but first, i wanted to offer my humble, and deep thanks to all of you who said such amazing things...
i swear to god, the devil, and everyone in between--that i wasn't looking for such incredible warmth...
but i'll know where to turn next time i'm having a bad day!!!
you guys ROCK MY WORLD--
inside out, upside down and backwards...
(especially backwards....ooooh, yeah!! who's your daddy?)
ahem.
seriously--i now see why the whiners whine so much...
this could become addictive...
and i now know what kind of readers i have--
i have the kind of readers who can be bullied. :)
hahahaha.
i'm just kidding.
you all deserve a handjob.
i bow to you, and your grace.
i am, however, on a fucking high today.
not from the crack i smoked--
nah, that just balances out the horse tranquilizers.
this is from running.
i had a delicious and nutritious workout.
and some GREAT new tunes.
well, old, actually.
but y'know.
oh!!!
and my husband ordered us iPods last night...
um.
if anyone remembers my rant on why iPods are a waste and only suckers buy them, etc...?
well.
disregard it.
i didn't know what i was talking about.
read: my husband hadn't offered to buy me one yet.
heh.
don't get me wrong, my little 96 MB mp3 player suits me fine.
even though i dropped it and the little door that slides over the battery doesn't fit right anymore.
and i can't arrange the songs in any order i choose.
okay, i fucking hate the thing.
but it's been good to me...
do you know what song i would have playing on here, every day, if i didn't hate visiting blogs with songs playing??
AC/DC--she shook me
why?
because i would knock you out with my american thighs.
i may have mentioned this before, but i have slim, strong thighs.
oh, i have a fat little belly, never fear.
but i can press inward with about 120 pounds of pressure.
and i think that's hot.
also, Elvis.
i've never been an Elvis fan.
but i might be in love.
yeah, i know he's dead.
but i bet Lisa'd do me.
and she looks enough like him, that i'd be okay.
she even curls her lip like him when she sings...
h.o.t.
jesus H, i'm weird today.
well.
i never promised you a rose garden.
heh.
but i will go take a picture of my cleavage.
just a little token of my appreciation...
and this is going to seem totally out of place, because i'm going to post the picture up above.
but oh well.
no more fucking whining.
(for today at least)
but first, i wanted to offer my humble, and deep thanks to all of you who said such amazing things...
i swear to god, the devil, and everyone in between--that i wasn't looking for such incredible warmth...
but i'll know where to turn next time i'm having a bad day!!!
you guys ROCK MY WORLD--
inside out, upside down and backwards...
(especially backwards....ooooh, yeah!! who's your daddy?)
ahem.
seriously--i now see why the whiners whine so much...
this could become addictive...
and i now know what kind of readers i have--
i have the kind of readers who can be bullied. :)
hahahaha.
i'm just kidding.
you all deserve a handjob.
i bow to you, and your grace.
i am, however, on a fucking high today.
not from the crack i smoked--
nah, that just balances out the horse tranquilizers.
this is from running.
i had a delicious and nutritious workout.
and some GREAT new tunes.
well, old, actually.
but y'know.
oh!!!
and my husband ordered us iPods last night...
um.
if anyone remembers my rant on why iPods are a waste and only suckers buy them, etc...?
well.
disregard it.
i didn't know what i was talking about.
read: my husband hadn't offered to buy me one yet.
heh.
don't get me wrong, my little 96 MB mp3 player suits me fine.
even though i dropped it and the little door that slides over the battery doesn't fit right anymore.
and i can't arrange the songs in any order i choose.
okay, i fucking hate the thing.
but it's been good to me...
do you know what song i would have playing on here, every day, if i didn't hate visiting blogs with songs playing??
AC/DC--she shook me
why?
because i would knock you out with my american thighs.
i may have mentioned this before, but i have slim, strong thighs.
oh, i have a fat little belly, never fear.
but i can press inward with about 120 pounds of pressure.
and i think that's hot.
also, Elvis.
i've never been an Elvis fan.
but i might be in love.
yeah, i know he's dead.
but i bet Lisa'd do me.
and she looks enough like him, that i'd be okay.
she even curls her lip like him when she sings...
h.o.t.
jesus H, i'm weird today.
well.
i never promised you a rose garden.
heh.
but i will go take a picture of my cleavage.
just a little token of my appreciation...
and this is going to seem totally out of place, because i'm going to post the picture up above.
but oh well.
Monday, October 11, 2004
i hate it when i don't get comments.
i hate it when i care.
but, seriously...
people who say they ONLY write a blog "for myself"
are full of shit.
if it was just for you, you wouldn't POST IT TO THE FRICKIN INTERNET.
or at the VERY least, you wouldn't have a comments thinger.
people who say that are lying to themselves and lying to us.
so yeah, i do this because i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE writing.
but i do it in this particular manner because i have a soul consuming, knee-shaking, heart-stopping, ORGASMIC love of human interaction.
it's an addiction, actually.
i've mentioned it before.
anyway.
leave some god damn mother fucking comments before i cry.
have i told you lately that i loathe you?
oops, typo.
i meant "love" instead of "loathe" and "J. Crew" instead of "you"...
so, the answer to that is, "no, no i haven't."
because i don't.
i am considering a radical new diet idea.
it consists of eating celery while standing on one foot.
reports claim that i'll lose up to 20 pounds the first day.
should be interesting.
okay, so maybe that's not it.
but i'm getting lardish and it's starting to affect my sex life.
don't laugh!!
it's not that i'm so fat he can't find the wet spot--ha bloody ha.
it's that i don't feel sexy.
ugh.
i just realized TWO things:
one, that sounds suspiciously like whining.
and two, it sounds like i'm asking for compliments.
so.
since this is still MY fucking journal, and i still get to say whatever the FUCK i want--
here's how we're going to handle it:
you don't say JACK SHIT about that.
just think skinny thoughts, or burn a skinny candle for me or something equally ineffective.
and we'll all pretend it never happened.
i just needed to vent.
that's all.
so.
maybe we could talk about something else...
goddammit, now i feel all awkward.
like the time i walked in on my brother peeing.
i was 14 or so, and he would have been...
27 or 28, i think.
oh.
that may have even been the last time i saw him.
i wish i could remember.
and i wish i would have known he would be gone so soon,
so i could know more about him.
all i know is that he was funny.
and that he drove a silver corvette, had a doberman pincer, did lots of coke.
maybe i would have asked him why he didn't marry maria.
their wedding invitations were so pretty...
i wish we had had a video camera (or whatever there was in 1982) so i could better remember that night when he tried on the survival suit...
an enormous contraption for his scallop boat--in case of a hurricane, or something.
if anyone's eyes have ever sparkled, it was him.
jesus christ.
if that wasn't depressing, i don't know what is.
tell me to go cook dinner.
tell me to relax.
tell me to spend some time doing something productive tonight.
tell me to get a fucking life.
tell me to take a leap.
tell me you love me.
p.s. did you love that tantrum?
i did.
it made me feel so young...
hahahahahaha!!!!
shit.
someone slap me.
but, seriously...
people who say they ONLY write a blog "for myself"
are full of shit.
if it was just for you, you wouldn't POST IT TO THE FRICKIN INTERNET.
or at the VERY least, you wouldn't have a comments thinger.
people who say that are lying to themselves and lying to us.
so yeah, i do this because i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE writing.
but i do it in this particular manner because i have a soul consuming, knee-shaking, heart-stopping, ORGASMIC love of human interaction.
it's an addiction, actually.
i've mentioned it before.
anyway.
leave some god damn mother fucking comments before i cry.
have i told you lately that i loathe you?
oops, typo.
i meant "love" instead of "loathe" and "J. Crew" instead of "you"...
so, the answer to that is, "no, no i haven't."
because i don't.
i am considering a radical new diet idea.
it consists of eating celery while standing on one foot.
reports claim that i'll lose up to 20 pounds the first day.
should be interesting.
okay, so maybe that's not it.
but i'm getting lardish and it's starting to affect my sex life.
don't laugh!!
it's not that i'm so fat he can't find the wet spot--ha bloody ha.
it's that i don't feel sexy.
ugh.
i just realized TWO things:
one, that sounds suspiciously like whining.
and two, it sounds like i'm asking for compliments.
so.
since this is still MY fucking journal, and i still get to say whatever the FUCK i want--
here's how we're going to handle it:
you don't say JACK SHIT about that.
just think skinny thoughts, or burn a skinny candle for me or something equally ineffective.
and we'll all pretend it never happened.
i just needed to vent.
that's all.
so.
maybe we could talk about something else...
goddammit, now i feel all awkward.
like the time i walked in on my brother peeing.
i was 14 or so, and he would have been...
27 or 28, i think.
oh.
that may have even been the last time i saw him.
i wish i could remember.
and i wish i would have known he would be gone so soon,
so i could know more about him.
all i know is that he was funny.
and that he drove a silver corvette, had a doberman pincer, did lots of coke.
maybe i would have asked him why he didn't marry maria.
their wedding invitations were so pretty...
i wish we had had a video camera (or whatever there was in 1982) so i could better remember that night when he tried on the survival suit...
an enormous contraption for his scallop boat--in case of a hurricane, or something.
if anyone's eyes have ever sparkled, it was him.
jesus christ.
if that wasn't depressing, i don't know what is.
tell me to go cook dinner.
tell me to relax.
tell me to spend some time doing something productive tonight.
tell me to get a fucking life.
tell me to take a leap.
tell me you love me.
p.s. did you love that tantrum?
i did.
it made me feel so young...
hahahahahaha!!!!
shit.
someone slap me.
another wood-less monday morning
(well, not at MY house...)
had a dream last night that i was getting dressed for the Homecoming dance at BYU.
it was really fucking strange.
i had to remove all these damned safety pins from the dresses i was trying on--
UGLY god damned dresses, too.
and then a girl from high school was making out with this guy i was checking out.
damn her!
so i grumbled to myself, "i thought she was married..."
yes, last i checked--SO AM I.
hahaha.
i love dreams.
i'm so self-righteous and bitchy in my dreams.
not only did i have the WORST chinese take out of my LIFE on saturday...
but i got the all time LAMEST fortune.
um.
nice advertising, jackholes.
to be fair, the other one said something lovely, like, "your soul is full of love".
but i was too annoyed at the first one to take it seriously, so i chucked it.
but at least i watched a ton of great movies over the weekend.
and golfed.
and played raquetball.
and had the worst pizza on the planet--
as well as that infernal chinese...
i'm pretty sure the "beef" and brocooli and moo goo gai pan were not made from beef or chicken, respectively.
i'm guessing deer and rabbit.
NASTY.
so disgusting.
and of course, we had taken it out, and were too lazy to go back and complain.
we just won't be bothering them again.
so it was an odd weekend...
lots of good, and some bad.
--even some downright EVIL.
go read yesterday's post for a little story.
so the movies.
we saw The Forgotten, with Julianne Moore and that dude from ER (which is a show that annoys the shit out of me, by the way. only because it has fanatic viewers. and i'm not fanatic about ANY show. it's a show, for god's sake. end of rant.)
it was a great movie--i really liked it.
i have no idea what kind of reviews it's getting, but i liked it a lot.
we rented a few, too.
we don't usually watch 4 movies in one weekend, but it was fun.
since i want you to read yesterday's story, i'm going to stop here.
i would also like you to practice your procreation skills to the point of perfection.
never know when you're going to need that shit.
had a dream last night that i was getting dressed for the Homecoming dance at BYU.
it was really fucking strange.
i had to remove all these damned safety pins from the dresses i was trying on--
UGLY god damned dresses, too.
and then a girl from high school was making out with this guy i was checking out.
damn her!
so i grumbled to myself, "i thought she was married..."
yes, last i checked--SO AM I.
hahaha.
i love dreams.
i'm so self-righteous and bitchy in my dreams.
not only did i have the WORST chinese take out of my LIFE on saturday...
but i got the all time LAMEST fortune.
"Promote literacy. Buy a box of fortune cookies today."
um.
nice advertising, jackholes.
to be fair, the other one said something lovely, like, "your soul is full of love".
but i was too annoyed at the first one to take it seriously, so i chucked it.
but at least i watched a ton of great movies over the weekend.
and golfed.
and played raquetball.
and had the worst pizza on the planet--
as well as that infernal chinese...
i'm pretty sure the "beef" and brocooli and moo goo gai pan were not made from beef or chicken, respectively.
i'm guessing deer and rabbit.
NASTY.
so disgusting.
and of course, we had taken it out, and were too lazy to go back and complain.
we just won't be bothering them again.
so it was an odd weekend...
lots of good, and some bad.
--even some downright EVIL.
go read yesterday's post for a little story.
so the movies.
we saw The Forgotten, with Julianne Moore and that dude from ER (which is a show that annoys the shit out of me, by the way. only because it has fanatic viewers. and i'm not fanatic about ANY show. it's a show, for god's sake. end of rant.)
it was a great movie--i really liked it.
i have no idea what kind of reviews it's getting, but i liked it a lot.
we rented a few, too.
we don't usually watch 4 movies in one weekend, but it was fun.
since i want you to read yesterday's story, i'm going to stop here.
i would also like you to practice your procreation skills to the point of perfection.
never know when you're going to need that shit.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
today should be declared "EVIL DAY"
...no, not because it's Sunday in Utah--although that is a fabulous reason...
but because my counter shows this is my 666th post.
and i watched a stephen king movie last night.
AND boz watched a movie about murder in Park City last night--
WHILE I WAS IN PARK CITY.
i don't think i need much more proof than THAT.
it's an evil day.
so in honor of this great event...
once upon a time,
there was a man.
he was so black on the inside that his pale skin looked gray.
most of the time, he was evil in small ways--
like not tipping a waitress, or sneezing into his hands before beginning a dental exam.
yes, he was a dentist.
this had been the first step toward the dark side.
he was a sweet kid, all through college.
but something twisted inside him when he got rejected from 72 different med schools in a year.
he began drinking, and he faked back pain so he could get some prescription pain pills.
while on these cloudy, wallowing "highs" (which would better be called "lows")
he would sketch out scenes of armageddon, with a black felt tipped pen.
he would chain smoke and jerk off--angrily, and while looking at increasingly disturbing images.
by the end of that dark period, he was cumming to video shot of war-time torture and massacres.
one day, during all of this self-loathing and self-abuse his mom called.
he didn't answer the phone--never did anymore.
but she left a message.
and her voice floated eerily through his drug-induced haze,
just like an angel, he would later think.
she mentioned dental school.
he was stubbing out a cigarette, on the inside of his wrist, when he heard those words.
it was like an electric shock.
he walked to the shower and got in.
and he stood there until the water was cold and he was sober.
he finished applying to the closest dental school that very same week,
and was top in his class every year.
he was still a little odd...
no one liked him much.
and this...
this contributed to the rotting away of his insides.
he opened a practice and did everything right--
he was an efficient, confident dentist.
he was polite and calm.
he never thought about those dark months he had spent in the small apartment suffocated by enough hate to fill a football stadium.
it was almost as if it had never happened...
but he was aware of it,
he just didn't judge himself for it--
he didn't think it was wrong, so he didn't worry about whether or not he might have a relapse.
well...
he should have.
somehow he conducted a lovely courtship with one of the receptionists from the optometrist next door.
she loved him.
they got married.
she still said she loved him.
but.
one day he walked in on her, taking on 3 guys at the same time--
one cock in each orafice.
he simply blinked, turned around, and walked out.
he called a moving company, and they removed her personal items.
he went to work the next day, without so much as a hair out of place.
he never spoke of her again.
but...
he resumed smoking.
and his only ashtry was his body.
he had little black dots covering himself...
sometimes he would hold the lighter to his chest until the hair burned off.
sometimes he would take an exacto knife and write words in his thigh.
but the worst of it...
was when he would tell himself he deserved to get laid.
he would toss back a couple of pills, and call an escort service.
...soon he ran out of escort services he could call and had to cruise the part of town where women walked the street.
it wasn't the sex that frightened these women.
it was the "porn" he had playing...
it was the look in his eyes, the scars on his body.
...the way his hands shook when putting on the condom.
they didn't know he was poking small holes in them first.
they always left crying, often leaving behind a shoe in their haste.
and when they turned up pregnant, most of them had a gut feeling it was him--
and ran to the abortion clinic.
on other days he spread his evil in smaller ways.
but it became a constant--
in any situation, he made the worst choice.
he hurt people in small but deep ways--leavingn lasting marks.
he was like a cancer eating away the world around him.
one day, he saw a crying child on the far side of a busy street.
he was pressed forward, hoping to snatch the child before anyone else noticed.
in his haste...
he stepped in front of a bus.
so...
happy EVIL DAY to you.
yes, i'll stick to porn from now on.
but because my counter shows this is my 666th post.
and i watched a stephen king movie last night.
AND boz watched a movie about murder in Park City last night--
WHILE I WAS IN PARK CITY.
i don't think i need much more proof than THAT.
it's an evil day.
so in honor of this great event...
once upon a time,
there was a man.
he was so black on the inside that his pale skin looked gray.
most of the time, he was evil in small ways--
like not tipping a waitress, or sneezing into his hands before beginning a dental exam.
yes, he was a dentist.
this had been the first step toward the dark side.
he was a sweet kid, all through college.
but something twisted inside him when he got rejected from 72 different med schools in a year.
he began drinking, and he faked back pain so he could get some prescription pain pills.
while on these cloudy, wallowing "highs" (which would better be called "lows")
he would sketch out scenes of armageddon, with a black felt tipped pen.
he would chain smoke and jerk off--angrily, and while looking at increasingly disturbing images.
by the end of that dark period, he was cumming to video shot of war-time torture and massacres.
one day, during all of this self-loathing and self-abuse his mom called.
he didn't answer the phone--never did anymore.
but she left a message.
and her voice floated eerily through his drug-induced haze,
just like an angel, he would later think.
she mentioned dental school.
he was stubbing out a cigarette, on the inside of his wrist, when he heard those words.
it was like an electric shock.
he walked to the shower and got in.
and he stood there until the water was cold and he was sober.
he finished applying to the closest dental school that very same week,
and was top in his class every year.
he was still a little odd...
no one liked him much.
and this...
this contributed to the rotting away of his insides.
he opened a practice and did everything right--
he was an efficient, confident dentist.
he was polite and calm.
he never thought about those dark months he had spent in the small apartment suffocated by enough hate to fill a football stadium.
it was almost as if it had never happened...
but he was aware of it,
he just didn't judge himself for it--
he didn't think it was wrong, so he didn't worry about whether or not he might have a relapse.
well...
he should have.
somehow he conducted a lovely courtship with one of the receptionists from the optometrist next door.
she loved him.
they got married.
she still said she loved him.
but.
one day he walked in on her, taking on 3 guys at the same time--
one cock in each orafice.
he simply blinked, turned around, and walked out.
he called a moving company, and they removed her personal items.
he went to work the next day, without so much as a hair out of place.
he never spoke of her again.
but...
he resumed smoking.
and his only ashtry was his body.
he had little black dots covering himself...
sometimes he would hold the lighter to his chest until the hair burned off.
sometimes he would take an exacto knife and write words in his thigh.
but the worst of it...
was when he would tell himself he deserved to get laid.
he would toss back a couple of pills, and call an escort service.
...soon he ran out of escort services he could call and had to cruise the part of town where women walked the street.
it wasn't the sex that frightened these women.
it was the "porn" he had playing...
it was the look in his eyes, the scars on his body.
...the way his hands shook when putting on the condom.
they didn't know he was poking small holes in them first.
they always left crying, often leaving behind a shoe in their haste.
and when they turned up pregnant, most of them had a gut feeling it was him--
and ran to the abortion clinic.
on other days he spread his evil in smaller ways.
but it became a constant--
in any situation, he made the worst choice.
he hurt people in small but deep ways--leavingn lasting marks.
he was like a cancer eating away the world around him.
one day, he saw a crying child on the far side of a busy street.
he was pressed forward, hoping to snatch the child before anyone else noticed.
in his haste...
he stepped in front of a bus.
so...
happy EVIL DAY to you.
yes, i'll stick to porn from now on.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
such the party girl...
i'm off again.
tonight, park city.
and i sigh with relief at that...
park city is more like home.
and it's a beautiful drive.
but it's time to go.
so this is the world's shortest post.
...for me.
tonight, park city.
and i sigh with relief at that...
park city is more like home.
and it's a beautiful drive.
but it's time to go.
so this is the world's shortest post.
...for me.
toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight------------
i celebrate my love for...
eh.
i dont' know what.
not THAT song, that's for damn sure.
but there was karaoke.
and corona.
we rocked the house.
and one of the members of our party (to be left nameless)
forgot his I.D.
so...
he used Jail release papers to confirm his identity.
NICE.
not only that, but he was the ex-husband of the chick he was there with.
so it was coooooooool.
(and i'm still not mentioning any names...)
but she made me grind with her.
it's fun to torture men like that, sometimes.
but it's not really "me".
and there was a guy who looked really familiar, so we asked him if we knew him.
he said to me, "you're the mother of my child."
i heaved out a laugh, and said, "well, not yet."
it cracked me up.
...of course, i was 3 coronas short of a six pack at that point.
hey!
3 beers is a lot for me.
besides, i can't refuse a good flirt.
the annoying part is: that didn't answer my question.
i used to have an amazing memory.
i know, i whine about that a LOT.
but it's true.
so fuck you.
and now it's just good enough that i recognize people but have NO BLOODY IDEA why.
oh well.
maybe he was telling the truth.
shit, that'd be embarassing.
i suppose it's time to go to bed.
but i like this buzz.
i want to ride it out...
we sang tom petty and pearl jam and candlebox and the eagles.
wow.
that's a lot...
and my husband sang guns n roses, godsmack, grateful dead
(holy shit he did all g's!)
and there was much grinding by the two hottest chicks there.
yes, that would be us.
sad, but true.
Oh!!
and before all that craziness--
hubby and I played racketball.
raquetball?
eh.
whichever.
that FUCKING ROCKED!
i have never played before.
it was a fantastic workout--
and so much fucking fun.
i loved it.
getting used to the way it's played was a little strange, though.
not like tennis AT ALL.
heh.
very fun.
now i want to try squash.
but i don't think my blood is blue enough.
or whatever.
i'm not drunk, by the way.
well, sorta.
anyway.
wherever you are out there in this incredible, spinning blue world....
i hope you're comfortable and (it's 12:34 right now! my second favorite time of the day...yes, 11:11...i never said i'm not a dork)
i hope you're happy and sure and loved.
i hope you're empty of regrets and full of hope.
i wish i was there...
i wish you were here.
i wish there were no boundaries and no tomorrows.
i am sick of wanting.
i'd rather just be.
but that'll never happen.
so i guess i should stop wanting to not want........
and just embrace it.
oh yeah...i already have embraced it.
fuck.
i guess i'm just rambling now.
but isn't that what drunks are supposed to do?
tell everyone "i love you"--even strangers, nay, especially strangers?
yeah.
and it's true...
i love people.
especially if they're dipped in chocolate.
sleep well, sweet strangers.
eh.
i dont' know what.
not THAT song, that's for damn sure.
but there was karaoke.
and corona.
we rocked the house.
and one of the members of our party (to be left nameless)
forgot his I.D.
so...
he used Jail release papers to confirm his identity.
NICE.
not only that, but he was the ex-husband of the chick he was there with.
so it was coooooooool.
(and i'm still not mentioning any names...)
but she made me grind with her.
it's fun to torture men like that, sometimes.
but it's not really "me".
and there was a guy who looked really familiar, so we asked him if we knew him.
he said to me, "you're the mother of my child."
i heaved out a laugh, and said, "well, not yet."
it cracked me up.
...of course, i was 3 coronas short of a six pack at that point.
hey!
3 beers is a lot for me.
besides, i can't refuse a good flirt.
the annoying part is: that didn't answer my question.
i used to have an amazing memory.
i know, i whine about that a LOT.
but it's true.
so fuck you.
and now it's just good enough that i recognize people but have NO BLOODY IDEA why.
oh well.
maybe he was telling the truth.
shit, that'd be embarassing.
i suppose it's time to go to bed.
but i like this buzz.
i want to ride it out...
we sang tom petty and pearl jam and candlebox and the eagles.
wow.
that's a lot...
and my husband sang guns n roses, godsmack, grateful dead
(holy shit he did all g's!)
and there was much grinding by the two hottest chicks there.
yes, that would be us.
sad, but true.
Oh!!
and before all that craziness--
hubby and I played racketball.
raquetball?
eh.
whichever.
that FUCKING ROCKED!
i have never played before.
it was a fantastic workout--
and so much fucking fun.
i loved it.
getting used to the way it's played was a little strange, though.
not like tennis AT ALL.
heh.
very fun.
now i want to try squash.
but i don't think my blood is blue enough.
or whatever.
i'm not drunk, by the way.
well, sorta.
anyway.
wherever you are out there in this incredible, spinning blue world....
i hope you're comfortable and (it's 12:34 right now! my second favorite time of the day...yes, 11:11...i never said i'm not a dork)
i hope you're happy and sure and loved.
i hope you're empty of regrets and full of hope.
i wish i was there...
i wish you were here.
i wish there were no boundaries and no tomorrows.
i am sick of wanting.
i'd rather just be.
but that'll never happen.
so i guess i should stop wanting to not want........
and just embrace it.
oh yeah...i already have embraced it.
fuck.
i guess i'm just rambling now.
but isn't that what drunks are supposed to do?
tell everyone "i love you"--even strangers, nay, especially strangers?
yeah.
and it's true...
i love people.
especially if they're dipped in chocolate.
sleep well, sweet strangers.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
i was going to post
but then i stumbled across something that made me change my mind--
change my mood...
so i'll just go to bed.
and dream dreams of an alternate universe.
where i can fly and i can breathe underwater, and sing like whitney--
and where i don't make selfish choices, ever.
where i don't hurt anyone.
where i only cry tears of joy.
i'm pretty sure this is a place where cookies are considered imperative to good health.
and there are beer faucets on every sink.
and being on time is considered rude.
i want to walk down the middle of the road--
right now.
in my pj's.
barefeet.
and i want to keep walking until i intercept the crushed spirit whose injuries match my own.
and i want to cradle this being and heal us both with the silken words i would whisper.
but they are secret words and i don't know them.
i want to be more than simply human.
i want to engulf the earth with my warmth and laugh at how much like a cardboard globe it looks from so far above.
i want to scoop up arm fulls of clouds...
i want to hold the stars in my hands, like glitter.
i want to fix it all.
let me mend what's broken.
let me kiss away the tears.
let me in....
goodnight, sweet ones.
change my mood...
so i'll just go to bed.
and dream dreams of an alternate universe.
where i can fly and i can breathe underwater, and sing like whitney--
and where i don't make selfish choices, ever.
where i don't hurt anyone.
where i only cry tears of joy.
i'm pretty sure this is a place where cookies are considered imperative to good health.
and there are beer faucets on every sink.
and being on time is considered rude.
i want to walk down the middle of the road--
right now.
in my pj's.
barefeet.
and i want to keep walking until i intercept the crushed spirit whose injuries match my own.
and i want to cradle this being and heal us both with the silken words i would whisper.
but they are secret words and i don't know them.
i want to be more than simply human.
i want to engulf the earth with my warmth and laugh at how much like a cardboard globe it looks from so far above.
i want to scoop up arm fulls of clouds...
i want to hold the stars in my hands, like glitter.
i want to fix it all.
let me mend what's broken.
let me kiss away the tears.
let me in....
goodnight, sweet ones.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
what the fuck day is it?
that's just not something i should be expected to know.
i mean, really.
i'm not entirely awake yet, so this should be good.
i did have a bunch of wacked-out dreams last night, though.
including a topless J., health food shopping with A., and my mom making me get re-baptized as a mormon.
...it really went downhill fast, didn't it???
still trying to shake the cobwebs of all that.
i made the best cookies last night...
and played with photoshop--holy shit, that was fun.
and i only scratched the surface.
and now i want cookies for breakfast.
here's how we rationalize that one (for anyone keep score at home):
people have donuts for breakfast, or danishes
--and those are no more nutritional then a cookie.
--even pancakes, waffles and french toast are bad if drenched in syrup or chocolate chips...
this same pathetic excuse also works for having pie for breakfast--
and if it's fruit pie, i almost fall for it.
i mean, that's health food, right there!
mmm....the breakfast of champions...
I'm feeling rather normal today...
see, I’ve been ass raped by the pms fairy this time
(which isn't as fun as it sounds).
I don’t usually tend to be a moody type, but sometimes that bitch straps on a 12 incher and really gives it to me.
so to anyone who tripped over some of the debris--
i apologize.
do any of you listen to NPR?
well, i don't.
but the other day i was waiting in the car while my husband ran into fed ex...
and he needn't have bothered with all the hurrying--
he was in there for just over 20 minutes.
there was only one person ahead of him in line, but the new guy decided to walk to Canada to hand deliver her packages, apparently.
so anyway.
i got bored and turned on the radio.
he had it on npr, and i instinctively reached for the dial--
(wouldn't want to accidentally absorb a little culture or useful information, ya know)
but the story caught my attention.
the narrator was reading a story about superman--
from the point of view of a guy who dated Lois Lane one summer.
it was SO fantastic.
so now i'm trying to find the story and listen to all of it, or better yet, read it.
but.
for me, "trying" consists of a lightbulb with bad wiring in my head and a whisper of, "...find that story..."
so i'll probably never find it.
actually, i went to the website i jotted down from after they finished the story.
and i did a google search for the author.
the problem was, i missed the title of the story.
so i've reached a small dead end and will probably forget about it.
but it was great.
so if i ever find it, i'll link it.
oh shit. when's my hair appointment?
it's probably today.
i better call.
and as an editor's note:
my complaint yesterday, about the kids saying "mom" too many times and ignoring my responses...
i was telling my husband about that, and expressing my annoyance.
"i mean, do they NOT know what "what?" means??"
"well..." he said, "maybe they think you can't hear them..."
shiiiiiiiiiiit.
i didn't even think of it that way...
there's that crazy/stupid thing again.
i want my body AND my mind to be like they were when i was 18.
well, except for the maturity stuff.
dammit.
that's no trade off...
i'll keep my wisdom if that's what i've traded my memory for.
and goddammmmit, i'll keep my stretch marks if that's what i've traded my insecurity for.
life sucks.
(yes, i said that with a smile. and not because i thought about life being a big mouth giving head...)
okay.
have a good day.
as for me, i'm getting some new make up today.
a GREAT new read, by the way.
and yes, she's my Mary Kay lady.
and yes, she's one of the coolest people i've ever met.
so go read her shit.
why?
cuz it's good.
oh, and remind me to tell her myfunny embarassing incredibly stupid story when she's here today...
oh, and if you haven't checked out The Middle Finger Blog, yet--do it!
it's fun.
and i'm on there.
me and my birdy.
make it a hump day to remember, kiddos!
(and yes, that really just means--lay off the drugs and binge drinking so you'll remember what you did for once)
i mean, really.
i'm not entirely awake yet, so this should be good.
i did have a bunch of wacked-out dreams last night, though.
including a topless J., health food shopping with A., and my mom making me get re-baptized as a mormon.
...it really went downhill fast, didn't it???
still trying to shake the cobwebs of all that.
i made the best cookies last night...
and played with photoshop--holy shit, that was fun.
and i only scratched the surface.
and now i want cookies for breakfast.
here's how we rationalize that one (for anyone keep score at home):
people have donuts for breakfast, or danishes
--and those are no more nutritional then a cookie.
--even pancakes, waffles and french toast are bad if drenched in syrup or chocolate chips...
this same pathetic excuse also works for having pie for breakfast--
and if it's fruit pie, i almost fall for it.
i mean, that's health food, right there!
mmm....the breakfast of champions...
I'm feeling rather normal today...
see, I’ve been ass raped by the pms fairy this time
(which isn't as fun as it sounds).
I don’t usually tend to be a moody type, but sometimes that bitch straps on a 12 incher and really gives it to me.
so to anyone who tripped over some of the debris--
i apologize.
do any of you listen to NPR?
well, i don't.
but the other day i was waiting in the car while my husband ran into fed ex...
and he needn't have bothered with all the hurrying--
he was in there for just over 20 minutes.
there was only one person ahead of him in line, but the new guy decided to walk to Canada to hand deliver her packages, apparently.
so anyway.
i got bored and turned on the radio.
he had it on npr, and i instinctively reached for the dial--
(wouldn't want to accidentally absorb a little culture or useful information, ya know)
but the story caught my attention.
the narrator was reading a story about superman--
from the point of view of a guy who dated Lois Lane one summer.
it was SO fantastic.
so now i'm trying to find the story and listen to all of it, or better yet, read it.
but.
for me, "trying" consists of a lightbulb with bad wiring in my head and a whisper of, "...find that story..."
so i'll probably never find it.
actually, i went to the website i jotted down from after they finished the story.
and i did a google search for the author.
the problem was, i missed the title of the story.
so i've reached a small dead end and will probably forget about it.
but it was great.
so if i ever find it, i'll link it.
oh shit. when's my hair appointment?
it's probably today.
i better call.
and as an editor's note:
my complaint yesterday, about the kids saying "mom" too many times and ignoring my responses...
i was telling my husband about that, and expressing my annoyance.
"i mean, do they NOT know what "what?" means??"
"well..." he said, "maybe they think you can't hear them..."
shiiiiiiiiiiit.
i didn't even think of it that way...
there's that crazy/stupid thing again.
i want my body AND my mind to be like they were when i was 18.
well, except for the maturity stuff.
dammit.
that's no trade off...
i'll keep my wisdom if that's what i've traded my memory for.
and goddammmmit, i'll keep my stretch marks if that's what i've traded my insecurity for.
life sucks.
(yes, i said that with a smile. and not because i thought about life being a big mouth giving head...)
okay.
have a good day.
as for me, i'm getting some new make up today.
a GREAT new read, by the way.
and yes, she's my Mary Kay lady.
and yes, she's one of the coolest people i've ever met.
so go read her shit.
why?
cuz it's good.
oh, and remind me to tell her my
oh, and if you haven't checked out The Middle Finger Blog, yet--do it!
it's fun.
and i'm on there.
me and my birdy.
make it a hump day to remember, kiddos!
(and yes, that really just means--lay off the drugs and binge drinking so you'll remember what you did for once)
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
don't even bother getting out of your pj's cuz it's--
BRA-LESS TUESDAY
woooo.
you know...it's starting to lose some of its flavor.
i'm going to have to start going topless or something.
i think i'll talk about limits today.
not speed limits.
not credit limits.
just limits...
i tend to push limits in all areas of life.
and i'm not sure why--or whether it's good or bad.
i am driven by an intense curiosity--
a need to see what's around every single bend, behind every tree.
and i seem to be unable to be the one who says no or let's go home.
my curiosity has brought some amazing opportunities into my life.
but sometimes i wonder if i cause myself unnecessary hassles.
i dunno.
well, that's my therapy for the month.
tune in next time for where my boy craziness came from. (it's an interesting theory, actually)
there has to be something better to talk about.
like...
the fact that my best friend moved back to utah at the start of the school year.
and i've only seen her ONCE.
and she had knee surgery.
i'm a horrible friend.
and why?
probably because i spend too much time sitting at this stupid machine.
sometimes i'm tempted to unplug it.
oh, i would still post--i would just have to write it offline and let my husband post it.
oh, i know what else--
i hate drama queens.
i hate whiners.
i hate "victims"***
and i hate people who use any of the above to aid in their personal quests to be Miss Attention Whore of the Year.
(that's MY title, bitches. back off!)
just a little rant.
sorry.
i had a strange moment at the gym yesterday.
(and no, it had nothing to do with me and two swim suit models washing each other's hair in the steam-filled group shower section. ...although...hm...)
no. (picture me vigorously shaking me head to clear it)
i was doing my cardio and listening to some great music, as usual.
and i just sort of felt peaceful...
and my mind felt energized.
it was almost like i was conciously aware of the pivotal moment when my PMS fairy headed for the hills
(probably to give my muse hickies and a questionable rash...)
it literally felt like the sun coming out--inside my head.
it was downright silly.
oh and here's my favorite kid gripe of the week.
Mom?
what?
mom!
what?
MOM!!!
WHAT??!!
seriously.
and i make it through every day--completely drug free.
i know it's hard to believe.
of course, after watching a few minutes of oprah yesterday during cardio--
(oh shit. could that be why i had a moment of peace? i'll have to write her and tell her it was. maybe i can still get on for the Christmas giveaway show...)
nah, my point was really just that i don't watch tv during the day.
i enjoy Oprah, but i don't ever turn it on.
i got my time-waster of choice RIGHT HERE.
i'm sooooo above television.
anyway!!
the part i saw was about a 39-year old woman who got a sperm donor cuz she was single and wanted a baby.
she had FOUR.
a single mother with quads.
fuck that, man.
i mean, good for her and stuff, but jesus.
that's the fast track to crazy right there.
so i'm lucky to have only had two at once.
and they are the coolest frigging kids on the planet.
but i'd still sell them to some gypsies if there were ever any around.
but noooo....they scuttle through town in the dark of night,
stealing and plundering (or is that pirates??)
and never once stop to ask if anyone has kids for sale.
and let me tell ya--
i'm not alone.
everyone i know has at least one kid they'd sell.
my mom, in fact.
she'd probably still be willing to sell me to some gypsies
(or a sex slave trader, should i be so lucky)
even though i haven't lived with her in 11 years.
um.
no, that's not true.
my mom is the opposite of me--she's always been the perfect mother.
i'm a bit of a black sheep, i suppose.
but at least i'm not catholic, like my sister.
she can be as perfect as she wants (and she is) but she's still going to hell, in my mother's eyes.
heh.
at least i live in utah--that earns me some points, in my mom's eyes.
and besides, the way i see it, is if you live in hell while you're alive, it takes a few years off your sentence once you die.
so i don't mind utah so much anymore.
okay, i'm spiralling into crazy town again.
so i guess i'll go make breakfast.
have a great day--
and don't forget to take your bra off, girls!!
________________________
***(no, i don't mean real victims of real crimes, just people who allow themselves to be taken advantage of--and then complain about it.)
woooo.
you know...it's starting to lose some of its flavor.
i'm going to have to start going topless or something.
i think i'll talk about limits today.
not speed limits.
not credit limits.
just limits...
i tend to push limits in all areas of life.
and i'm not sure why--or whether it's good or bad.
i am driven by an intense curiosity--
a need to see what's around every single bend, behind every tree.
and i seem to be unable to be the one who says no or let's go home.
my curiosity has brought some amazing opportunities into my life.
but sometimes i wonder if i cause myself unnecessary hassles.
i dunno.
well, that's my therapy for the month.
tune in next time for where my boy craziness came from. (it's an interesting theory, actually)
there has to be something better to talk about.
like...
the fact that my best friend moved back to utah at the start of the school year.
and i've only seen her ONCE.
and she had knee surgery.
i'm a horrible friend.
and why?
probably because i spend too much time sitting at this stupid machine.
sometimes i'm tempted to unplug it.
oh, i would still post--i would just have to write it offline and let my husband post it.
oh, i know what else--
i hate drama queens.
i hate whiners.
i hate "victims"***
and i hate people who use any of the above to aid in their personal quests to be Miss Attention Whore of the Year.
(that's MY title, bitches. back off!)
just a little rant.
sorry.
i had a strange moment at the gym yesterday.
(and no, it had nothing to do with me and two swim suit models washing each other's hair in the steam-filled group shower section. ...although...hm...)
no. (picture me vigorously shaking me head to clear it)
i was doing my cardio and listening to some great music, as usual.
and i just sort of felt peaceful...
and my mind felt energized.
it was almost like i was conciously aware of the pivotal moment when my PMS fairy headed for the hills
(probably to give my muse hickies and a questionable rash...)
it literally felt like the sun coming out--inside my head.
it was downright silly.
oh and here's my favorite kid gripe of the week.
Mom?
what?
mom!
what?
MOM!!!
WHAT??!!
seriously.
and i make it through every day--completely drug free.
i know it's hard to believe.
of course, after watching a few minutes of oprah yesterday during cardio--
(oh shit. could that be why i had a moment of peace? i'll have to write her and tell her it was. maybe i can still get on for the Christmas giveaway show...)
nah, my point was really just that i don't watch tv during the day.
i enjoy Oprah, but i don't ever turn it on.
i got my time-waster of choice RIGHT HERE.
i'm sooooo above television.
anyway!!
the part i saw was about a 39-year old woman who got a sperm donor cuz she was single and wanted a baby.
she had FOUR.
a single mother with quads.
fuck that, man.
i mean, good for her and stuff, but jesus.
that's the fast track to crazy right there.
so i'm lucky to have only had two at once.
and they are the coolest frigging kids on the planet.
but i'd still sell them to some gypsies if there were ever any around.
but noooo....they scuttle through town in the dark of night,
stealing and plundering (or is that pirates??)
and never once stop to ask if anyone has kids for sale.
and let me tell ya--
i'm not alone.
everyone i know has at least one kid they'd sell.
my mom, in fact.
she'd probably still be willing to sell me to some gypsies
(or a sex slave trader, should i be so lucky)
even though i haven't lived with her in 11 years.
um.
no, that's not true.
my mom is the opposite of me--she's always been the perfect mother.
i'm a bit of a black sheep, i suppose.
but at least i'm not catholic, like my sister.
she can be as perfect as she wants (and she is) but she's still going to hell, in my mother's eyes.
heh.
at least i live in utah--that earns me some points, in my mom's eyes.
and besides, the way i see it, is if you live in hell while you're alive, it takes a few years off your sentence once you die.
so i don't mind utah so much anymore.
okay, i'm spiralling into crazy town again.
so i guess i'll go make breakfast.
have a great day--
and don't forget to take your bra off, girls!!
________________________
***(no, i don't mean real victims of real crimes, just people who allow themselves to be taken advantage of--and then complain about it.)
Sunday, October 03, 2004
examples # 432 and 433 that i am losing my mind...
at the wedding last night.
i said to my friend, "Oh, my kids called you this morning, i hope it didn't wake you."
She glanced at her cell phone, "I didn't see a call from you..."
"No," I said, "Your home phone."
She looked at me--
that look you give your mom's crazy neighbor before calling her son to come get her off the roof of your truck at 3 in the morning...
"I don't live there anymore..."
She sold the god damn house last week.
Someone inhabiting my body helped her pack.
god DAMN it.
shortly therafter...
i was talking to another friend
(ooh, and more on her in a minute--and it doesn't make me crazy it makes me psychic...eek. nevermind.)
and she said, "I wonder what happened to G."
I looked at her rather blankly, so she continued.
"I thought she was coming, but she's not here yet. Do you know where G. is?"
"Oh, I don't think I know her..."
(this was a wedding where i knew almost everyone on the bride's side, and this friend is the bride's sister in law...but these are my husband's friends from high school and their wives, so there are still people i don't know because they've wandered away from this core group...)
"G.??? G. and G.???" (the second "G." being her husband...)
a thousand points of FUCKING light illuminate above my soggy little head.
"OH!! G.!!!"
jesus christ.
someone help me...
before it's too late...
you don't want me wandering the neighborhood in my pajamas.
oh wait.
i already do that.
but serioiusly...
I've known the girl for as long as i've known the one i was talking to.
and it's not an entirely common name, either.
what the hell's the matter with me??
okay, so back to the thing that does not prove me to be 2 steps away from a mental hospital--
the one girl has 3 little boys, and is pregnant.
i saw her on tuesday and told her that she would have twins because she knows me.
because it has happened 3 times...
people i knew or saw when they were first pregnant ended up with twins.
so i thought i was being silly.
it was a twins curse...
cuz the next day poor girl goes in for an ultra sound.
twins.
i'm so excited!
she's less so.
heh.
i said to my friend, "Oh, my kids called you this morning, i hope it didn't wake you."
She glanced at her cell phone, "I didn't see a call from you..."
"No," I said, "Your home phone."
She looked at me--
that look you give your mom's crazy neighbor before calling her son to come get her off the roof of your truck at 3 in the morning...
"I don't live there anymore..."
She sold the god damn house last week.
Someone inhabiting my body helped her pack.
god DAMN it.
shortly therafter...
i was talking to another friend
(ooh, and more on her in a minute--and it doesn't make me crazy it makes me psychic...eek. nevermind.)
and she said, "I wonder what happened to G."
I looked at her rather blankly, so she continued.
"I thought she was coming, but she's not here yet. Do you know where G. is?"
"Oh, I don't think I know her..."
(this was a wedding where i knew almost everyone on the bride's side, and this friend is the bride's sister in law...but these are my husband's friends from high school and their wives, so there are still people i don't know because they've wandered away from this core group...)
"G.??? G. and G.???" (the second "G." being her husband...)
a thousand points of FUCKING light illuminate above my soggy little head.
"OH!! G.!!!"
jesus christ.
someone help me...
before it's too late...
you don't want me wandering the neighborhood in my pajamas.
oh wait.
i already do that.
but serioiusly...
I've known the girl for as long as i've known the one i was talking to.
and it's not an entirely common name, either.
what the hell's the matter with me??
okay, so back to the thing that does not prove me to be 2 steps away from a mental hospital--
the one girl has 3 little boys, and is pregnant.
i saw her on tuesday and told her that she would have twins because she knows me.
because it has happened 3 times...
people i knew or saw when they were first pregnant ended up with twins.
so i thought i was being silly.
it was a twins curse...
cuz the next day poor girl goes in for an ultra sound.
twins.
i'm so excited!
she's less so.
heh.
just a couple of things...
first of all, we had a great time last night.
the wedding was beautiful--
they had the ceremony at bridal veil falls--
and the reception was at a ranch surrounded by mountains.
so, on the way home...
we're cruising through the canyon...
and there's something in the road, a little lump.
it's moving...
a half-srunched racoon, waving its arms at us---
CRUUUUUNCH!!
geh.
i almost puked.
and i couldn't stop seeing it/hearing it.
it played over and over in my head...
i'm getting goosebumps just writing this.
it was disgusting.
okay, and on a slightly less gory note...
I PASSED 50,000 HITS YESTERDAY!!!
yes...
i know that at least half of those are people searching for porn.
but that's okay.
they are welcome here.
everyone is welcome here.
it's like Ellis Island and shit.
only...more dirty talk, and fewer dirty feet.
(and i really wanted to end that sentence with a phrase containing "less dirty" something, but i couldn't bear to write it incorrectly and the only way to make that work would be to say that something was less dirty than something else...can't say less dirty feet unless you're saying his feet are less dirty than mine. which is probaby true because i walk around barefoot most of the time, even outside.)
and on our way to the wedding, we stopped to have a beer with a colleague of my husband's and his buddies.
the one guy (a handsome bear of a man with green eyes) said, ya gotta love pussy!
and i said, 'i know!'
so he said, 'damn...a woman with a nose ring who loves pussy--you'll wanna go with that!'
my husband said, 'i did!'
that spiraled into telling pussy jokes
and i, as usual, won the devotion of these man's men.
i'm one of them.
i'll probably even be awarded an honorary penis at some point.
which is almost as prestigious as receiving an honorary degree from an ivy league university.
(which hasn't happened yet, but i bet if BYU sees the quality of work i put into this site, they'll be tripping all over their jesus jammies just to give me one. what? you don't think?)
personally, i'll take the cock.
(let's hope it's detachable.)
so have a happy day.
the wedding was beautiful--
they had the ceremony at bridal veil falls--
and the reception was at a ranch surrounded by mountains.
so, on the way home...
we're cruising through the canyon...
and there's something in the road, a little lump.
it's moving...
a half-srunched racoon, waving its arms at us---
CRUUUUUNCH!!
geh.
i almost puked.
and i couldn't stop seeing it/hearing it.
it played over and over in my head...
i'm getting goosebumps just writing this.
it was disgusting.
okay, and on a slightly less gory note...
I PASSED 50,000 HITS YESTERDAY!!!
yes...
i know that at least half of those are people searching for porn.
but that's okay.
they are welcome here.
everyone is welcome here.
it's like Ellis Island and shit.
only...more dirty talk, and fewer dirty feet.
(and i really wanted to end that sentence with a phrase containing "less dirty" something, but i couldn't bear to write it incorrectly and the only way to make that work would be to say that something was less dirty than something else...can't say less dirty feet unless you're saying his feet are less dirty than mine. which is probaby true because i walk around barefoot most of the time, even outside.)
and on our way to the wedding, we stopped to have a beer with a colleague of my husband's and his buddies.
the one guy (a handsome bear of a man with green eyes) said, ya gotta love pussy!
and i said, 'i know!'
so he said, 'damn...a woman with a nose ring who loves pussy--you'll wanna go with that!'
my husband said, 'i did!'
that spiraled into telling pussy jokes
and i, as usual, won the devotion of these man's men.
i'm one of them.
i'll probably even be awarded an honorary penis at some point.
which is almost as prestigious as receiving an honorary degree from an ivy league university.
(which hasn't happened yet, but i bet if BYU sees the quality of work i put into this site, they'll be tripping all over their jesus jammies just to give me one. what? you don't think?)
personally, i'll take the cock.
(let's hope it's detachable.)
so have a happy day.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Bad Moon Rising
(written on friday, but i didn't want to replace the fantasy just yet...)
it's a full moon.
and sometimes this means wild and crazy times.
FUN times.
adventure on the high seas.
however.
not this time.
yesterday, driving to pick up my nephew, i got pulled over.
AGAIN.
i was going nearly 30 over...
thank GOD (and his 8 tiny reindeer) i was in a different town than last time.
so i get to do traffic school.
AGAIN.
faaaaaack.
better than a ticket, better than a ticket.
so.
not only that, but i was so far below empty that it was ridiculous.
i didn't have time to stop for gas because i was late.
which is why i was speeding.
so i sat there for TEN god damn minutes while he wrote out the ticket stuff.
crying...
and hoping i didn't run out of gas before reaching the top of the mountain.
there are no gas stations near there.
like, zero.
no--more like negative 3.
so anyway, i trot off, ever so slowly, on my merry way.
(read: still crying)
arrive at his preshcool.
oh, we sent him home with a friend cuz we didn't know where you were.
got directions to the friend's house.
stomach clenched again, as this was FURTHER up the mountain and gas issues were feeling more urgent all the time.
(uh, stomach and gas issues...remember i'm talking about the car's gas. not farts. just keeping you on track there, folks.)
crying resumes.
so i got there.
nice man answers door, turns over child.
i explain, with much chagrin, the reason for my tardiness and thank him for helping.
load child into car, make it to gas station.
14.7 gallons.
zoiks.
so i arrive home, utterly spent, ready for a nap...
(and completely convinced that the pms Fairy just arrived...)
i haven't cried so much since NKOTB broke up.
stoooopid.
and today.
Becky's car wouldn't start.
and then it would.
but by then she had already called in sick to work.
so.
we went to lunch.
shared a pitcher of Heineken.
and picked up my kids (she drove--i'm such an easy drunk)
i have spent the afternoon regretting it.
i feel like ass.
so then i get a call from my husband.
his brother's in europe and their mom was supposed to watch his 4 kids for the weekend part of their trip.
she can't, all of a sudden.
so I get to.
don't get me wrong--
they're great kids.
and i owe 'em.
but at that particular moment, feeling that brand of shitty...
it wasn't what i wanted to hear.
so hubby arranged for a babysitter for us tonight so we can mentally prepare.
and by "mentally prepare", yes, i mean get wasted.
nah, i'm kidding.
i wouldn't want to be hungover or tired with SEVEN* kids in my house.
it'll be fun.
and actually i'm thinking we'll divide and conquer--
i can take the little kids to the park, he can lay on the couch and watch golf while the bigger kids play star craft...
oops.
did i just say that?
nah, it wouldn't happen that way.
my husband is the A-1 King of husbands.
98% of the time...
hehe.
funny, i was just talking about how much i hate whiney bloggers...
hope i didn't just hypocritize myself.
what??!?!?
that's soooooo totally a word.
fuck off.
have a happy weekend.
it's a full moon.
and sometimes this means wild and crazy times.
FUN times.
adventure on the high seas.
however.
not this time.
yesterday, driving to pick up my nephew, i got pulled over.
AGAIN.
i was going nearly 30 over...
thank GOD (and his 8 tiny reindeer) i was in a different town than last time.
so i get to do traffic school.
AGAIN.
faaaaaack.
better than a ticket, better than a ticket.
so.
not only that, but i was so far below empty that it was ridiculous.
i didn't have time to stop for gas because i was late.
which is why i was speeding.
so i sat there for TEN god damn minutes while he wrote out the ticket stuff.
crying...
and hoping i didn't run out of gas before reaching the top of the mountain.
there are no gas stations near there.
like, zero.
no--more like negative 3.
so anyway, i trot off, ever so slowly, on my merry way.
(read: still crying)
arrive at his preshcool.
oh, we sent him home with a friend cuz we didn't know where you were.
got directions to the friend's house.
stomach clenched again, as this was FURTHER up the mountain and gas issues were feeling more urgent all the time.
(uh, stomach and gas issues...remember i'm talking about the car's gas. not farts. just keeping you on track there, folks.)
crying resumes.
so i got there.
nice man answers door, turns over child.
i explain, with much chagrin, the reason for my tardiness and thank him for helping.
load child into car, make it to gas station.
14.7 gallons.
zoiks.
so i arrive home, utterly spent, ready for a nap...
(and completely convinced that the pms Fairy just arrived...)
i haven't cried so much since NKOTB broke up.
stoooopid.
and today.
Becky's car wouldn't start.
and then it would.
but by then she had already called in sick to work.
so.
we went to lunch.
shared a pitcher of Heineken.
and picked up my kids (she drove--i'm such an easy drunk)
i have spent the afternoon regretting it.
i feel like ass.
so then i get a call from my husband.
his brother's in europe and their mom was supposed to watch his 4 kids for the weekend part of their trip.
she can't, all of a sudden.
so I get to.
don't get me wrong--
they're great kids.
and i owe 'em.
but at that particular moment, feeling that brand of shitty...
it wasn't what i wanted to hear.
so hubby arranged for a babysitter for us tonight so we can mentally prepare.
and by "mentally prepare", yes, i mean get wasted.
nah, i'm kidding.
i wouldn't want to be hungover or tired with SEVEN* kids in my house.
it'll be fun.
and actually i'm thinking we'll divide and conquer--
i can take the little kids to the park, he can lay on the couch and watch golf while the bigger kids play star craft...
oops.
did i just say that?
nah, it wouldn't happen that way.
my husband is the A-1 King of husbands.
98% of the time...
hehe.
funny, i was just talking about how much i hate whiney bloggers...
hope i didn't just hypocritize myself.
what??!?!?
that's soooooo totally a word.
fuck off.
have a happy weekend.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
what in the hell am i doing awake?
i should be sleeping.
but here i sit.
it's been a long time since i've written a late night post.
hm.
i was just lying in bed and this is the story i was telling:
i walk through the door, and toss my keys on the counter.
let's go, i say--
i only have time for a quick fuck today.
i mean for it to sound playful, but it comes out with sharp edges.
you look up at me--the impatience in my voice, the quickness of my movements inevitably twisting something inside you.
your eyes go flat, you tilt your head just a little--chin out.
you turn away from me.
i sigh, willing myself to disregard my schedule and focus on my heart--
which lies somewhere deep inside the glaring man on the couch.
baby...i start.
we knew it would be like this.
just for a while--right?
so gently--but without patronizing you.
my words are like warm breath on an ice cube...
they make very little difference.
i slide into your lap--
your arms remain at your sides and i can feel the strength of your resolve.
and it begins to crumple me, like a sad, wasted piece of stationary.
for me to toss the boundaries of our relationship at you as i walked through the door was...
heartless.
my hand cups the side of your neck, fingers reaching into your hair.
i am desperate for you to see me.
to understand.
i pull my legs up, and stradle your lap--
your face now in my hands.
i force you to look in my eyes.
you blink--
and my heart skips a beat, as i wonder if they'll stay closed,
your final step to shut me out.
relief floods me as the slow motion world we're suddenly in reveals that it was only a blink.
the stillness closes in on us.
we are in a very adult version of the staring contest.
and in one swift moment i'm on the floor and you're tearing my shirt off without regard to buttons.
you attack me like prey...
and i attack back.
neither of us making defensive moves--
both intent on winning, without a finish line in sight.
your skin is so hot on mine, from the anger inside...
your kisses are hard, though your lips are still so soft.
you bite my bottom lip as you pull back, slowly--your eyes on fire.
we're both out of breath already--and still mostly dressed.
you sit up, with your back against the couch.
i sit, silently.
i am neither ready to make an apology--
nor willing.
and you don't need one.
you pull me gently to you.
then fluidly remove your own shirt, pressing me into you.
you stroke my hair and sigh.
good thing i love you so much, or this would never work.
i smile into your neck...
loving the smell of you.
i know...
your kisses resume...with the lightest touch that gives me goosebumps.
sliding our pants off,
we scissor our bodies together--
lying on our sides, our faces close.
you whisper to me...
a few lines from the poem you wrote the day we met.
i trace your jaw with my finger, loving the coarseness of stubble.
your hands explore my body like it's the first time--
and i let out small moans...
everything so muted around the edges, so blurred...
we are wrapped in layers of cottony quiet.
where usually we are on fire, now we lay in peace.
the slow sweetness of it makes me late for school--
but i don't even notice.
i smile all the way through the lecture on Joseph Stalin.
i smile as i cross campus,
and i smile as i settle into my seat in the wrong class.
you have left me in a daze.
and i forget to promise myself to never forget what it feels like to fall in love.
_____________________
no, it was no Fantasy Friday, but hey--it's only Thursday. ;)
thursday is a day full of promise, full of hope.
and monday is the exact opposite of that--sad but true.
but here i sit.
it's been a long time since i've written a late night post.
hm.
i was just lying in bed and this is the story i was telling:
i walk through the door, and toss my keys on the counter.
let's go, i say--
i only have time for a quick fuck today.
i mean for it to sound playful, but it comes out with sharp edges.
you look up at me--the impatience in my voice, the quickness of my movements inevitably twisting something inside you.
your eyes go flat, you tilt your head just a little--chin out.
you turn away from me.
i sigh, willing myself to disregard my schedule and focus on my heart--
which lies somewhere deep inside the glaring man on the couch.
baby...i start.
we knew it would be like this.
just for a while--right?
so gently--but without patronizing you.
my words are like warm breath on an ice cube...
they make very little difference.
i slide into your lap--
your arms remain at your sides and i can feel the strength of your resolve.
and it begins to crumple me, like a sad, wasted piece of stationary.
for me to toss the boundaries of our relationship at you as i walked through the door was...
heartless.
my hand cups the side of your neck, fingers reaching into your hair.
i am desperate for you to see me.
to understand.
i pull my legs up, and stradle your lap--
your face now in my hands.
i force you to look in my eyes.
you blink--
and my heart skips a beat, as i wonder if they'll stay closed,
your final step to shut me out.
relief floods me as the slow motion world we're suddenly in reveals that it was only a blink.
the stillness closes in on us.
we are in a very adult version of the staring contest.
and in one swift moment i'm on the floor and you're tearing my shirt off without regard to buttons.
you attack me like prey...
and i attack back.
neither of us making defensive moves--
both intent on winning, without a finish line in sight.
your skin is so hot on mine, from the anger inside...
your kisses are hard, though your lips are still so soft.
you bite my bottom lip as you pull back, slowly--your eyes on fire.
we're both out of breath already--and still mostly dressed.
you sit up, with your back against the couch.
i sit, silently.
i am neither ready to make an apology--
nor willing.
and you don't need one.
you pull me gently to you.
then fluidly remove your own shirt, pressing me into you.
you stroke my hair and sigh.
good thing i love you so much, or this would never work.
i smile into your neck...
loving the smell of you.
i know...
your kisses resume...with the lightest touch that gives me goosebumps.
sliding our pants off,
we scissor our bodies together--
lying on our sides, our faces close.
you whisper to me...
a few lines from the poem you wrote the day we met.
i trace your jaw with my finger, loving the coarseness of stubble.
your hands explore my body like it's the first time--
and i let out small moans...
everything so muted around the edges, so blurred...
we are wrapped in layers of cottony quiet.
where usually we are on fire, now we lay in peace.
the slow sweetness of it makes me late for school--
but i don't even notice.
i smile all the way through the lecture on Joseph Stalin.
i smile as i cross campus,
and i smile as i settle into my seat in the wrong class.
you have left me in a daze.
and i forget to promise myself to never forget what it feels like to fall in love.
_____________________
no, it was no Fantasy Friday, but hey--it's only Thursday. ;)
thursday is a day full of promise, full of hope.
and monday is the exact opposite of that--sad but true.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
i can't believe i almost forgot to write a post today
that's some serious brain damage, folks.
and now i'm in a huge hurry.
so.
i'll do what any respectable author would do--
when the words run out, post porn.
oh, nevermind.
i can't find a picture i want to post...
that's more work than just wriitng something.
but, i haven't forgotten that i owe you guys from last friday's half-done post.
and with this post being a piece of useless dog poo, i'll have to make it even better.
great.
pressure.
just what i need.
maybe i'll tell my favorite joke and leave it at that...
have you ever smelled moth balls?
yes?
well how did you get his legs apart?
okay, fine.
maybe it was only funny when my sunday school teacher told it...
and demonstrated, by separating two tiny, imaginary moth's legs...
whatever.
you guys all suck anyway.
well...
not really.
but i like saying "suck".
it makes me feel all tingly.
--in the exact same way that reading The Pissed Kitty does.
and this in no WAY means that she sucks.
cuz she's the opposite of "suck".
she's like...the anti-suck.
now i just sound like i belong in the special olympics.
heh.
there was a spot on good morning america (or the today show??) about a baseball league for handicapped kids.
it was really cute, etc...
but my husband said, "that's retarded."
and we both laughed waaaay too hard.
we are evil and are going to the deepest layer of hell.
and the shitty news is that that's the layer WITHOUT porn.
dammmmit.
i better start saying hail mary's or donate to the nearest synagogue...
like, right now--
so, bye.
happy humping.
(or hump day?)
and now i'm in a huge hurry.
so.
i'll do what any respectable author would do--
when the words run out, post porn.
oh, nevermind.
i can't find a picture i want to post...
that's more work than just wriitng something.
but, i haven't forgotten that i owe you guys from last friday's half-done post.
and with this post being a piece of useless dog poo, i'll have to make it even better.
great.
pressure.
just what i need.
maybe i'll tell my favorite joke and leave it at that...
have you ever smelled moth balls?
yes?
well how did you get his legs apart?
okay, fine.
maybe it was only funny when my sunday school teacher told it...
and demonstrated, by separating two tiny, imaginary moth's legs...
whatever.
you guys all suck anyway.
well...
not really.
but i like saying "suck".
it makes me feel all tingly.
--in the exact same way that reading The Pissed Kitty does.
and this in no WAY means that she sucks.
cuz she's the opposite of "suck".
she's like...the anti-suck.
now i just sound like i belong in the special olympics.
heh.
there was a spot on good morning america (or the today show??) about a baseball league for handicapped kids.
it was really cute, etc...
but my husband said, "that's retarded."
and we both laughed waaaay too hard.
we are evil and are going to the deepest layer of hell.
and the shitty news is that that's the layer WITHOUT porn.
dammmmit.
i better start saying hail mary's or donate to the nearest synagogue...
like, right now--
so, bye.
happy humping.
(or hump day?)
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
don't forget to celebrate bra-less Tuesday
and your first stop should be to Traces of Life,
to congratulate Chaz on reaching 100 posts!!
and I hate to take any of the credit...
but.
he was clogging up my comment box so i told him to get 'is own blog.
you're welcome.
now go show him your nips.
and i finally got my fall foliage pictures posted, on buzznet.
they're okay...
the drive was invigorating and beautiful, but the colors were a bit of a letdown.
holy shit!!!!!!!
i was just sitting here, feeling blah, wondering why the HELL i never have anything to write about...
when i remembered--
Metallica finally announced their Salt Lake date, and tickets go on sale tomorrow!!
did i mention that this will be my FOURTH Metallica/Godsmack show this year?
i won't bore you with the rest of my babbling excitement.
but just know this: i literally jumped up and down when i heard.
that's all you need to know.
(and yes, i was wearing a bra when that happened...)
okay.
so back to the good stuff.
um.
i'm taking care of one of my nephews this afternoon.
that's exciting.
right?
uh...no.
but, we're going to take a picnic to the park,
and THAT is exciting.
so bite me.
my head hurts.
my kids won't leave me alone for FIVE minutes.
and i still have to do my breakfast dishes.
and shower.
i just want to crawl back into bed--
with my door locked.
i want to read a book and drink some chai tea.
with perfect stillness all around me.
sorry, don't mind me--i'm just rolling around on the floor, laughing.
that's someone else's life.
but i suppose that's okay.
i get to tickle my babies and spin around on the grass until we're dizzy...
and attempt to explain how engines work or why rain turns to snow when it's cold....
it's a happy life.
even if i'm weary of it sometimes.
i have forgotten my "i can do anything" attitude lately...
but it's true.
i CAN.
i need to step outside myself more often...
i tend to dwell there...
and inside of oneself there is often a feeling of suffocation...
but it's also rather cozy.
have a good day.
and don't wallow.
to congratulate Chaz on reaching 100 posts!!
and I hate to take any of the credit...
but.
he was clogging up my comment box so i told him to get 'is own blog.
you're welcome.
now go show him your nips.
and i finally got my fall foliage pictures posted, on buzznet.
they're okay...
the drive was invigorating and beautiful, but the colors were a bit of a letdown.
holy shit!!!!!!!
i was just sitting here, feeling blah, wondering why the HELL i never have anything to write about...
when i remembered--
Metallica finally announced their Salt Lake date, and tickets go on sale tomorrow!!
did i mention that this will be my FOURTH Metallica/Godsmack show this year?
i won't bore you with the rest of my babbling excitement.
but just know this: i literally jumped up and down when i heard.
that's all you need to know.
(and yes, i was wearing a bra when that happened...)
okay.
so back to the good stuff.
um.
i'm taking care of one of my nephews this afternoon.
that's exciting.
right?
uh...no.
but, we're going to take a picnic to the park,
and THAT is exciting.
so bite me.
my head hurts.
my kids won't leave me alone for FIVE minutes.
and i still have to do my breakfast dishes.
and shower.
i just want to crawl back into bed--
with my door locked.
i want to read a book and drink some chai tea.
with perfect stillness all around me.
sorry, don't mind me--i'm just rolling around on the floor, laughing.
that's someone else's life.
but i suppose that's okay.
i get to tickle my babies and spin around on the grass until we're dizzy...
and attempt to explain how engines work or why rain turns to snow when it's cold....
it's a happy life.
even if i'm weary of it sometimes.
i have forgotten my "i can do anything" attitude lately...
but it's true.
i CAN.
i need to step outside myself more often...
i tend to dwell there...
and inside of oneself there is often a feeling of suffocation...
but it's also rather cozy.
have a good day.
and don't wallow.
Monday, September 27, 2004
no title necessary
why?
because i said so.
the only thing i really like about waking up in the morning is stretching.
nothing feels better.
especially after a particularly active day.
yesterday was a great day--
one of those days full of satisfaction and smiles and--
(yeah, you guessed it, here comes the unplanned aliteration)
sex.
the dinner for mom in law turned out perfectly.
the drive up the mountains was incredible...
(pictures to follow)
and on the way back we had some fun in the car.
then we found a deserted parking lot and climbed into the backseat.
we haven't done that in a long time--
not the most comfortable thing in the world.
(my husband's 6'3", and about 200 lbs, don't forget.)
then home, kids to bed and round 2.
sometimes.
just sometimes...
i remember i'm the luckiest girl in the world.
life is a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes.
but i'm more thankful for that than anything else.
i would die of boredom if it was any different
and i can't concentrate right now cuz my kids keep cracking me up.
incessantly asking me questions...
so.
if you are feeling let down, read my weekend posts.
if you already read them, and you're feeling let down by this post--
i would suggest major amounts of psychoanalysis and definite drug treatments.
if you have any further concerns, please feel free to go fuck yourself
(and write about it, if you would, please.)
_________________
NOTE: Chaz moved to a new location--partly his idea, partly blogger's.
stupid asses gave away his subdomain when he switched to a new host.
so, welcome him to his new home and make a note of it.
because i said so.
the only thing i really like about waking up in the morning is stretching.
nothing feels better.
especially after a particularly active day.
yesterday was a great day--
one of those days full of satisfaction and smiles and--
(yeah, you guessed it, here comes the unplanned aliteration)
sex.
the dinner for mom in law turned out perfectly.
the drive up the mountains was incredible...
(pictures to follow)
and on the way back we had some fun in the car.
then we found a deserted parking lot and climbed into the backseat.
we haven't done that in a long time--
not the most comfortable thing in the world.
(my husband's 6'3", and about 200 lbs, don't forget.)
then home, kids to bed and round 2.
sometimes.
just sometimes...
i remember i'm the luckiest girl in the world.
life is a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes.
but i'm more thankful for that than anything else.
i would die of boredom if it was any different
and i can't concentrate right now cuz my kids keep cracking me up.
incessantly asking me questions...
so.
if you are feeling let down, read my weekend posts.
if you already read them, and you're feeling let down by this post--
i would suggest major amounts of psychoanalysis and definite drug treatments.
if you have any further concerns, please feel free to go fuck yourself
(and write about it, if you would, please.)
_________________
NOTE: Chaz moved to a new location--partly his idea, partly blogger's.
stupid asses gave away his subdomain when he switched to a new host.
so, welcome him to his new home and make a note of it.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
saturday night and i'm all alone...
last night i went out, so tonight it's hubby's turn.
we usually just go together, but since our best friends got fucking divorced...
we have to split up if we want to see them.
lame.
selfish jackasses--don't they see what they've done to MY social life??
oh, i forgot the funniest part about getting pulled over last night.
actually, there were two funny parts.
first, like a royal DUMBASS, i tried to lose him...
wait--it's not as bad as it sounds!
he was coming toward me, and turned around to come get me.
so, i figured i would turn off and maybe he'd give up...
yeah, yeah.
see: dumbass.
but it gets better...
i didn't turn down a STREET.
i turned into the highly deserted parking lot of some manufacturing plant.
so, he had now reached me, and was about to turn into said parking lot.
but i pulled back onto the road, cursing myself for such blatant "looking like you have something to hide" actions.
and he followed me for a bit and i ALMOST started to think he wasn't going to pull me over.
but he did.
okay, so here's the funniest part.
after he asked me how much i'd had to drink--
"one beer at about 10 o'clock"
(which i actually thought was the truth, even if it wasn't)
he went back to his car and ran my license, etc.
he returned with no ticket.
big sigh of relief.
then he said, "i'd like to ask you step out and do some sobriety tests, but you really don't seem drunk. are you sure that's all you had to drink?"
we assured him that the stench of alcohol was merely my pretty friend's vomit.
and he said, 'okay'
then i said....
are you ready?
cuz it's brilliant--
"it would have been fun to take the tests, because i've never done that before!"
which is true.
but i said it like some damn teenage girl who just got invited to go ice skating.
he probably wanted to reconsider--and test me for drugs.
hahaha.
oh well.
i'm glad i'm finished telling that.
mostly i just want to write something right now that would be worth reading.
or maybe i should do what whitey recommended,
and forget y'all are out there and just dance naked.
just let it all out, even more ragged and unplanned than usual.
eh.
maybe i'm the most selfish person alive.
maybe i am...so alive sometimes that it hurts to sit still...
but so dead at others that i leave a trail of dust where i walk and my voice doesn't work and my imagination is as blank as a schoolroom's chalkboard.
that's how i feel now.
dead.
like i could float up into the sky and be released from my body if i simply willed it.
like i could not hold a witty conversation if you paid me.
like i could not think a single, pure, original thought (like a thread of silver dropping down into the empty, cold room of my brain)...
i feel like i am standing on a vast plain, the moon dull behind a bank of clouds.
i feel like lumpy, cold mashed potatoes. (seriously, touch me--)
okay, that was silly.
what do i really feel like, to touch?
my arms feel soft, like peaches, but not quite ripe--firm.
my legs...hard as rocks, and as smooth as sea glass.
my hair feels like grass, warmed by the sun.
my lips feel soft and smooth--
i don't think i've ever just touched my lips before, just to see how they feel.
they feel like velvet.
maybe i'm fucking exhausted and i'll just go to bed.
oh wait.
can't do that.
i'm in the middle of cleaning out my walk-in closet...
(horrific)
and i need to start some preparations for the dinner i'm having tomorrow.
for the mom-in-law.
as a bribe so she'll watch the kids while we take a drive.
yes, "take a drive" means we're going to go look at the leaves in the mountain--
and have sex there.
i'll take lots of pictures.
of the scenery!!
jesus.
you guys are so predictable.
well.
i guess i better go get busy on all my chores.
we usually just go together, but since our best friends got fucking divorced...
we have to split up if we want to see them.
lame.
selfish jackasses--don't they see what they've done to MY social life??
oh, i forgot the funniest part about getting pulled over last night.
actually, there were two funny parts.
first, like a royal DUMBASS, i tried to lose him...
wait--it's not as bad as it sounds!
he was coming toward me, and turned around to come get me.
so, i figured i would turn off and maybe he'd give up...
yeah, yeah.
see: dumbass.
but it gets better...
i didn't turn down a STREET.
i turned into the highly deserted parking lot of some manufacturing plant.
so, he had now reached me, and was about to turn into said parking lot.
but i pulled back onto the road, cursing myself for such blatant "looking like you have something to hide" actions.
and he followed me for a bit and i ALMOST started to think he wasn't going to pull me over.
but he did.
okay, so here's the funniest part.
after he asked me how much i'd had to drink--
"one beer at about 10 o'clock"
(which i actually thought was the truth, even if it wasn't)
he went back to his car and ran my license, etc.
he returned with no ticket.
big sigh of relief.
then he said, "i'd like to ask you step out and do some sobriety tests, but you really don't seem drunk. are you sure that's all you had to drink?"
we assured him that the stench of alcohol was merely my pretty friend's vomit.
and he said, 'okay'
then i said....
are you ready?
cuz it's brilliant--
"it would have been fun to take the tests, because i've never done that before!"
which is true.
but i said it like some damn teenage girl who just got invited to go ice skating.
he probably wanted to reconsider--and test me for drugs.
hahaha.
oh well.
i'm glad i'm finished telling that.
mostly i just want to write something right now that would be worth reading.
or maybe i should do what whitey recommended,
and forget y'all are out there and just dance naked.
just let it all out, even more ragged and unplanned than usual.
eh.
maybe i'm the most selfish person alive.
maybe i am...so alive sometimes that it hurts to sit still...
but so dead at others that i leave a trail of dust where i walk and my voice doesn't work and my imagination is as blank as a schoolroom's chalkboard.
that's how i feel now.
dead.
like i could float up into the sky and be released from my body if i simply willed it.
like i could not hold a witty conversation if you paid me.
like i could not think a single, pure, original thought (like a thread of silver dropping down into the empty, cold room of my brain)...
i feel like i am standing on a vast plain, the moon dull behind a bank of clouds.
i feel like lumpy, cold mashed potatoes. (seriously, touch me--)
okay, that was silly.
what do i really feel like, to touch?
my arms feel soft, like peaches, but not quite ripe--firm.
my legs...hard as rocks, and as smooth as sea glass.
my hair feels like grass, warmed by the sun.
my lips feel soft and smooth--
i don't think i've ever just touched my lips before, just to see how they feel.
they feel like velvet.
maybe i'm fucking exhausted and i'll just go to bed.
oh wait.
can't do that.
i'm in the middle of cleaning out my walk-in closet...
(horrific)
and i need to start some preparations for the dinner i'm having tomorrow.
for the mom-in-law.
as a bribe so she'll watch the kids while we take a drive.
yes, "take a drive" means we're going to go look at the leaves in the mountain--
and have sex there.
i'll take lots of pictures.
of the scenery!!
jesus.
you guys are so predictable.
well.
i guess i better go get busy on all my chores.
could you guys start a petition or something?
i think there needs to be a law that i can't stay out past one.
NOON.
i woke up at noon...
and i feel...almost NOT shitty.
so here's the night:
friend "A" and I went to friend "B"'s house.
we had a couple of cocktails while the she got ready.
we had a little smoke and were on our way.
they both had cowboy hats, i had my famous cowboy shirt.
we attempted to rock the country dancing scene...
but we weren't really into it.
they were the ones who wanted to go, so I was relieved when they decided to leave.
we headed to a hot spot downtown (salt lake) and finished out the evening there.
it was fun, but nothing too exciting.
oh, except the transvestites we kept passing on our way through the bar.
that's always fun.
more like sad...
so then the single girl among us met a boy.
which dragged out our departure.
he's an actor--in some WB series.
very nice guy, they exchanged numbers.
got my car from the valet guy,
took friend "B" home.
then began the long drive back to our side of the mountain.
friend "A" began to puke around 5 miles from my house.
thankfully, i had a large bowl in the car.
we stopped at my house to pick up her house key (from her car) and then i took her home.
on the way, i got pulled over.
guy wanted to bag me for drunk driving soooo bad.
it wasn't his lucky night--
i had stopped drinking nearly 4 hours before, and only had a few to start with.
sucker!
he was nice enough to not give me a speeding ticket, too.
and thank god, cuz i just did traffic school.
so.
i stumbled home a little before 4.
stayed up chatting with hubby for another half hour or so, then passed out like a drunk.
seriously--
i feel like if we work together, we can keep me from having another night like that.
thank you for your time.
Seacrest out.
NOON.
i woke up at noon...
and i feel...almost NOT shitty.
so here's the night:
friend "A" and I went to friend "B"'s house.
we had a couple of cocktails while the she got ready.
we had a little smoke and were on our way.
they both had cowboy hats, i had my famous cowboy shirt.
we attempted to rock the country dancing scene...
but we weren't really into it.
they were the ones who wanted to go, so I was relieved when they decided to leave.
we headed to a hot spot downtown (salt lake) and finished out the evening there.
it was fun, but nothing too exciting.
oh, except the transvestites we kept passing on our way through the bar.
that's always fun.
more like sad...
so then the single girl among us met a boy.
which dragged out our departure.
he's an actor--in some WB series.
very nice guy, they exchanged numbers.
got my car from the valet guy,
took friend "B" home.
then began the long drive back to our side of the mountain.
friend "A" began to puke around 5 miles from my house.
thankfully, i had a large bowl in the car.
we stopped at my house to pick up her house key (from her car) and then i took her home.
on the way, i got pulled over.
guy wanted to bag me for drunk driving soooo bad.
it wasn't his lucky night--
i had stopped drinking nearly 4 hours before, and only had a few to start with.
sucker!
he was nice enough to not give me a speeding ticket, too.
and thank god, cuz i just did traffic school.
so.
i stumbled home a little before 4.
stayed up chatting with hubby for another half hour or so, then passed out like a drunk.
seriously--
i feel like if we work together, we can keep me from having another night like that.
thank you for your time.
Seacrest out.
Friday, September 24, 2004
heading out for the night
just wanted to say, i'll make up for the missing fantasy post soon.
i promise.
i'm going country dancing...
wish me luck.
god DAMN i hate country music.
and cowboys.
but i love the girls i'm going with.
so it'll be fun.
i promise.
i'm going country dancing...
wish me luck.
god DAMN i hate country music.
and cowboys.
but i love the girls i'm going with.
so it'll be fun.
Fantasy wha---?
This should be interesting...
my kids woke me up almost two hours early today.
i tried to go back to sleep, but was unsuccessful.
while i was lying there, i remembered that i still needed to write this.
oh well.
i don't like sleeping anyway.
okay...
this started out as me writing MY fantasies.
I don't really do it that way anymore,
but i think i'll try it today.
here goes nothing--
**********
if i could go back in time
it wouldn't be to save a life,
divert a war,
stop a plague.
it would be...
to a hotel room on Virginia Beach--spring, 1993.
i would slip back into my teenaged body, finding it unfamiliar--
so pure, so innocent, confining, restrictive.
i would take a few minutes to settle into her, smiling at the way it felt to be so young.
and then i would hear a knock at the door.
my heart would leap, realizing who it was.
the feelings of that girl i was would flood me and push me to the background.
HE would fill up all of my senses and nearly override any presence the adult me had in the situation.
seeing him would be such a shock, after so long.
for the girl, it had been several months, for the woman over eleven years.
opening the door in a rush, i would tumble into him--
pressed together fiercely
i can't finish this right now.
i'm too sad.
maybe i'll finish it later.
i'm sorry.
my kids woke me up almost two hours early today.
i tried to go back to sleep, but was unsuccessful.
while i was lying there, i remembered that i still needed to write this.
oh well.
i don't like sleeping anyway.
okay...
this started out as me writing MY fantasies.
I don't really do it that way anymore,
but i think i'll try it today.
here goes nothing--
**********
if i could go back in time
it wouldn't be to save a life,
divert a war,
stop a plague.
it would be...
to a hotel room on Virginia Beach--spring, 1993.
i would slip back into my teenaged body, finding it unfamiliar--
so pure, so innocent, confining, restrictive.
i would take a few minutes to settle into her, smiling at the way it felt to be so young.
and then i would hear a knock at the door.
my heart would leap, realizing who it was.
the feelings of that girl i was would flood me and push me to the background.
HE would fill up all of my senses and nearly override any presence the adult me had in the situation.
seeing him would be such a shock, after so long.
for the girl, it had been several months, for the woman over eleven years.
opening the door in a rush, i would tumble into him--
pressed together fiercely
i can't finish this right now.
i'm too sad.
maybe i'll finish it later.
i'm sorry.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
It seems like every time i turn around, it's thursday
i've created my own kind of hell.
just kidding.
why do i keep starting posts before breakfast and finishing them after?
i don't know, but i bet there's a deep, psychological reason for it.
something about pancakes and procrastination...
and now i'm back.
two hours later.
and it didn't take me two hours to do the breakfast thing.
i spent the last hour arguing about me spending time with a (girl)friend.
and now.
i feel...
resigned.
crushed.
frustrated.
pissed off.
...like running fast and far.
so i'll shake it off.
and write a good post anyway.
last night was "traffic school"
and that was fun.
i wrote a story, or started one.
it was really funny--trying to WRITE, like with a PEN!!
jeeez.
my poor little brain kept trying to type.
i should take a picture of the page, so you can see how shitty my penmanship is.
i had such a hard time forming letters.
it was kinda sad...
i think the most i've used a pen for in a really long time is a shopping list or writing out the occasional check.
oh
my
god
i think i just fell asleep from writing that.
THAT'S how boring it was.
I'm some sort of walking Murphy's Law...
if i say it's going to be a good post, it sucks hard--with teeth and not enough lubrication.
if i say "i don't have anything to say" then i ramble on endlessly and pull something half-decent out of my ass.
i should just quit trying.
to categorize my posts before they're written.
i mean, a blanket label of "Complete and Utter Shit" would work okay,
but to get more specific is just not within my powers, apparently.
I hope i'm making sense...
actually, i don't really care.
i've been vascillating between inexplicable fatigue and equally unexpected bursts of horniness lately.
maybe i'm dying.
and i need to cut this short, because i'm heading over to help a friend move.
should be fun...
if our kids will stay out of the way.
ugh...
have a good day.
oh, and leave me comments.
i need them.
just kidding.
why do i keep starting posts before breakfast and finishing them after?
i don't know, but i bet there's a deep, psychological reason for it.
something about pancakes and procrastination...
and now i'm back.
two hours later.
and it didn't take me two hours to do the breakfast thing.
i spent the last hour arguing about me spending time with a (girl)friend.
and now.
i feel...
resigned.
crushed.
frustrated.
pissed off.
...like running fast and far.
so i'll shake it off.
and write a good post anyway.
last night was "traffic school"
and that was fun.
i wrote a story, or started one.
it was really funny--trying to WRITE, like with a PEN!!
jeeez.
my poor little brain kept trying to type.
i should take a picture of the page, so you can see how shitty my penmanship is.
i had such a hard time forming letters.
it was kinda sad...
i think the most i've used a pen for in a really long time is a shopping list or writing out the occasional check.
oh
my
god
i think i just fell asleep from writing that.
THAT'S how boring it was.
I'm some sort of walking Murphy's Law...
if i say it's going to be a good post, it sucks hard--with teeth and not enough lubrication.
if i say "i don't have anything to say" then i ramble on endlessly and pull something half-decent out of my ass.
i should just quit trying.
to categorize my posts before they're written.
i mean, a blanket label of "Complete and Utter Shit" would work okay,
but to get more specific is just not within my powers, apparently.
I hope i'm making sense...
actually, i don't really care.
i've been vascillating between inexplicable fatigue and equally unexpected bursts of horniness lately.
maybe i'm dying.
and i need to cut this short, because i'm heading over to help a friend move.
should be fun...
if our kids will stay out of the way.
ugh...
have a good day.
oh, and leave me comments.
i need them.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
still stretching and yawning...
and rubbing my eyes.
dammit.
and i just rubbed my nose--hard.
and now i know that it DOES still hurt to do that.
stupid metal post.
and i'm still half in dreamland...
i've had a zillion dreams about one of my oldest friends lately.
maybe i should call her.
and all i can think about now is how hungry i am.
and it's annoying me.
i'm going to go write on my Kids' blog, and i'll finish this after i eat...
okay, i'm back.
but i didn't eat.
i figured maybe writing while filled with rage would be fun.
well, not real rage.
just that, "i-got-woken-up-too-early*-and-i'm-hungry-and i just lost a post" rage.
wrote a stupid post about my kids and it's gone.
lame.
but at least it snowed here yesterday.
or the day before?
whatever.
and here's my proof:
no, i wasn't standing on my roof.
i was looking through my old posts the other day and i came across one with a GREAT title.
i don't remember when it was, but it was a long time ago.
i remember being pleased with myself when i first wrote it, and i can't say that feeling has diminished much.
"Is that a marble in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
oh, god--I LOVE IT!!!
it makes me giggle every time i read it.
I AM CLEVER.
love me.
...and hungry.
i think the problem is that there's nothing i want for breakfast.
pancakes.
i guess i'll make pancakes.
even though i still have a "white flour is the devil" voice nagging me.
and it's true--it's worthless stuff.
i DO have whole wheat flour...
but would that FEEL right?
i don't think so.
besides, i think there's some kind of cooking law, which states that chocolate chips and whole wheat flour may NOT touch--
pretty stiff penalty, too, from what I hear.
and if that's the case, then i'm trouble.
i am unable to consume chocolate chip-less pancakes.
it's not my fault, it's just how i was raised.
oh, and i don't put them IN the pancakes...
i use the mini ones, and i carefully top each of two pancakes with them--a nice thick layer--then stack the pancakes...
i had that for breakfast for about 10 years straight...
up until i graduated and moved into the dorms.
and got fat for the first, bewildering time in my sheltered skinny-girl life...
(gained ten pounds, but that's ENORMOUS for a chick.)
hmm.
maybe THAT was the key to being effortlessly thin.
pancakes with disgusting amounts of chocolate to start each day...
perhaps i'll do a little research...
god DAMN it.
i just remembered i used the last of the chocolate chips a couple of days ago.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
that was as close to blue balls as i've ever been, i think.
today is wednesday.
so, hump something.
and let me know how it goes.
_____________________________________
*that was a redundant phrase--"woken too early"--it could have just been "woken"...anything is too early if it's not my body naturally waking itself in a snugly, cozy, hazy way...
dammit.
and i just rubbed my nose--hard.
and now i know that it DOES still hurt to do that.
stupid metal post.
and i'm still half in dreamland...
i've had a zillion dreams about one of my oldest friends lately.
maybe i should call her.
and all i can think about now is how hungry i am.
and it's annoying me.
i'm going to go write on my Kids' blog, and i'll finish this after i eat...
okay, i'm back.
but i didn't eat.
i figured maybe writing while filled with rage would be fun.
well, not real rage.
just that, "i-got-woken-up-too-early*-and-i'm-hungry-and i just lost a post" rage.
wrote a stupid post about my kids and it's gone.
lame.
but at least it snowed here yesterday.
or the day before?
whatever.
and here's my proof:
no, i wasn't standing on my roof.
i was looking through my old posts the other day and i came across one with a GREAT title.
i don't remember when it was, but it was a long time ago.
i remember being pleased with myself when i first wrote it, and i can't say that feeling has diminished much.
"Is that a marble in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
oh, god--I LOVE IT!!!
it makes me giggle every time i read it.
I AM CLEVER.
love me.
...and hungry.
i think the problem is that there's nothing i want for breakfast.
pancakes.
i guess i'll make pancakes.
even though i still have a "white flour is the devil" voice nagging me.
and it's true--it's worthless stuff.
i DO have whole wheat flour...
but would that FEEL right?
i don't think so.
besides, i think there's some kind of cooking law, which states that chocolate chips and whole wheat flour may NOT touch--
pretty stiff penalty, too, from what I hear.
and if that's the case, then i'm trouble.
i am unable to consume chocolate chip-less pancakes.
it's not my fault, it's just how i was raised.
oh, and i don't put them IN the pancakes...
i use the mini ones, and i carefully top each of two pancakes with them--a nice thick layer--then stack the pancakes...
i had that for breakfast for about 10 years straight...
up until i graduated and moved into the dorms.
and got fat for the first, bewildering time in my sheltered skinny-girl life...
(gained ten pounds, but that's ENORMOUS for a chick.)
hmm.
maybe THAT was the key to being effortlessly thin.
pancakes with disgusting amounts of chocolate to start each day...
perhaps i'll do a little research...
god DAMN it.
i just remembered i used the last of the chocolate chips a couple of days ago.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
that was as close to blue balls as i've ever been, i think.
today is wednesday.
so, hump something.
and let me know how it goes.
_____________________________________
*that was a redundant phrase--"woken too early"--it could have just been "woken"...anything is too early if it's not my body naturally waking itself in a snugly, cozy, hazy way...
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
because i couldn't get in to post and now i can....
annoying as shit.
annoying-ass shit.
that made me giggle...
annoying-ass shit.
that made me giggle...
Monday, September 20, 2004
just a little bit of crazy glue--for sniffing purposes only
what the fuck?
i don't know.
don't ask.
but you know what's really cool?
when your husband reads your post about sex and comes home and gives you some.
it would be cool if that worked every time, for every topic.
like, if i wrote a post about the new Porsche SUV thingy and then somebody stopped by with the keys to one.
or if my friend read my post about beer and came over and gave me some.
or if i wrote about wishing i had the focus and motivation to go back to college--
i would wake up with a stack of registration forms on my desk, filled out.
but.
i guess that's not how it works.
oh well...at least it works for the sex one.
great workout today.
back and triceps.
i love watching really built guys work out.
not for the sexiness factor, but more for the sheer physical beauty of it.
the muscles moving (rippling, some might say).
the sweat glistening....
gulp.
okay, FINE.
maybe it is the sexiness factor.
but at least i have the decency to lie about it...
--uh, what?
nevermind.
well, i don't really have anything to say.
so i think i'll go cook dinner.
yeah.
dinner!!
wow.
what an idea.
would someone please put me out of my misery?
i don't know what's come over me today, but i can't seem to make sense.
i don't know.
don't ask.
but you know what's really cool?
when your husband reads your post about sex and comes home and gives you some.
it would be cool if that worked every time, for every topic.
like, if i wrote a post about the new Porsche SUV thingy and then somebody stopped by with the keys to one.
or if my friend read my post about beer and came over and gave me some.
or if i wrote about wishing i had the focus and motivation to go back to college--
i would wake up with a stack of registration forms on my desk, filled out.
but.
i guess that's not how it works.
oh well...at least it works for the sex one.
great workout today.
back and triceps.
i love watching really built guys work out.
not for the sexiness factor, but more for the sheer physical beauty of it.
the muscles moving (rippling, some might say).
the sweat glistening....
gulp.
okay, FINE.
maybe it is the sexiness factor.
but at least i have the decency to lie about it...
--uh, what?
nevermind.
well, i don't really have anything to say.
so i think i'll go cook dinner.
yeah.
dinner!!
wow.
what an idea.
would someone please put me out of my misery?
i don't know what's come over me today, but i can't seem to make sense.
monday mornings are like...
cold gravy.
or wilted flowers.
they're even a little bit like the slow ache of a pair of recovering blue balls.
monday mornings are like velvet--moth-eaten, stiff velvet.
monday mornings are like the first few days of getting used to wearing a thong.
and they're definitely similar to getting a flat tire on your way to the airport.
monday mornings are like a really bad kiss.
what?
i love mondays.
i'm just thinking of the rest of you, who hate them.
it was a wonderful weekend.
lots of fun, lots of food, and (purely for the sake of aliteration--i SWEAR) lots of fucking.
it's strange how much my life revolves around sex.
sometimes when i'm at the gym, or the store or something i look around at all the people...
and i wonder:
are they as consumed by thoughts of sex as i am?
probably not.
but then i wonder if they're having the kind of satisfying, crazy sex that i am...
and the answer to that one is another "probably not".
sad.
i'm really not what i would call a "nympho", i'm not--just for the record...
but i do enjoy sex--even bad sex, although it's been a realllly long time since i had any of that.
actually the last...uh...encounter before i met my husband would fit that category.
and that was my only one night stand, too.
AND it really pissed me off, because
nevermind.
anyway, the point is, george michael has it right:
sex is natural, sex is good--not everybody does it, but everybody should.
hahahahahahahaha.
i'm on crack.
go away.
or wilted flowers.
they're even a little bit like the slow ache of a pair of recovering blue balls.
monday mornings are like velvet--moth-eaten, stiff velvet.
monday mornings are like the first few days of getting used to wearing a thong.
and they're definitely similar to getting a flat tire on your way to the airport.
monday mornings are like a really bad kiss.
what?
i love mondays.
i'm just thinking of the rest of you, who hate them.
it was a wonderful weekend.
lots of fun, lots of food, and (purely for the sake of aliteration--i SWEAR) lots of fucking.
it's strange how much my life revolves around sex.
sometimes when i'm at the gym, or the store or something i look around at all the people...
and i wonder:
are they as consumed by thoughts of sex as i am?
probably not.
but then i wonder if they're having the kind of satisfying, crazy sex that i am...
and the answer to that one is another "probably not".
sad.
i'm really not what i would call a "nympho", i'm not--just for the record...
but i do enjoy sex--even bad sex, although it's been a realllly long time since i had any of that.
actually the last...uh...encounter before i met my husband would fit that category.
and that was my only one night stand, too.
AND it really pissed me off, because
nevermind.
anyway, the point is, george michael has it right:
sex is natural, sex is good--not everybody does it, but everybody should.
hahahahahahahaha.
i'm on crack.
go away.
Saturday, September 18, 2004
i just woke up from a nap...
so this should be good...
i also have heartburn or acid reflux or something equally attractive.
i'm pretty sure my vitamin causes this.
and--OF COURSE--i have no Tums.
so instead, i'll eat a hershey bar.
..that should help.
i don't noramlly buy plain hershey bars--
but last night we ended up standing in line for a really
really
really
really
really
really
long time.
so the cashier handed us these hershey bars, with a little label stuck on them.
"There's nothing 'Sweet' about waiting in line!"
super.
somehow, i think this is a subliminal message/freudian trick of some kind.
to make us WANT to stand in line.
it's an evil plan.
...but brilliant.
the reason i needed a nap on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon is a bit silly.
and you know my policy:
If it'll make me look stupid--I'll tell about it HERE.
so last night, we went to bed really early (9:00).
and around 11 we were...done.
ready for sleep.
but a little hungry..l
so we went to the kitchen.
made a huge plate of (oh-my-god-delicious) nachos...
grabbed a couple of eclairs...
and headed back upstairs.
we were both still wide awake--though exhausted--at 1:30...
dumbasses.
yes, that midnight junk-fest could be to blame for my gastrointenstinal issues.
but i'd rather blame the vitamin.
then, instead of lazing around all morning, like smart people would have...
we dragged all 3 kids about an hour and a half north, to Hill Air Force Base.
to see the jets and planes and helicopters.
it was worth it--very fun.
but we both almost fell asleep on the way home.
and there was bad traffic.
and we finally made it home, just moments after the twinlets fell asleep.
DAMMMMMMMMMMMit.
(they never stay asleep when moved from car to bed)
so then i crawled into bed and batted my eyes at hubby.
and he made lunch.
and i slept like a baby.
but with waaaaay weirder dreams.
and that's the story of my day.
have a great weekend--
(oh, and don't use chocolate as an antacid...it's not really working.)
i also have heartburn or acid reflux or something equally attractive.
i'm pretty sure my vitamin causes this.
and--OF COURSE--i have no Tums.
so instead, i'll eat a hershey bar.
..that should help.
i don't noramlly buy plain hershey bars--
but last night we ended up standing in line for a really
really
really
really
really
really
long time.
so the cashier handed us these hershey bars, with a little label stuck on them.
"There's nothing 'Sweet' about waiting in line!"
super.
somehow, i think this is a subliminal message/freudian trick of some kind.
to make us WANT to stand in line.
it's an evil plan.
...but brilliant.
the reason i needed a nap on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon is a bit silly.
and you know my policy:
If it'll make me look stupid--I'll tell about it HERE.
so last night, we went to bed really early (9:00).
and around 11 we were...done.
ready for sleep.
but a little hungry..l
so we went to the kitchen.
made a huge plate of (oh-my-god-delicious) nachos...
grabbed a couple of eclairs...
and headed back upstairs.
we were both still wide awake--though exhausted--at 1:30...
dumbasses.
yes, that midnight junk-fest could be to blame for my gastrointenstinal issues.
but i'd rather blame the vitamin.
then, instead of lazing around all morning, like smart people would have...
we dragged all 3 kids about an hour and a half north, to Hill Air Force Base.
to see the jets and planes and helicopters.
it was worth it--very fun.
but we both almost fell asleep on the way home.
and there was bad traffic.
and we finally made it home, just moments after the twinlets fell asleep.
DAMMMMMMMMMMMit.
(they never stay asleep when moved from car to bed)
so then i crawled into bed and batted my eyes at hubby.
and he made lunch.
and i slept like a baby.
but with waaaaay weirder dreams.
and that's the story of my day.
have a great weekend--
(oh, and don't use chocolate as an antacid...it's not really working.)
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