Tuesday, October 07, 2003


what a great way to start a post. hook em right in. you know you're going to be getting a big fat dripping-with-gravy serving of great reading when the post is titled "blah". oh yeah. this is the universal signal for "lots going on in my world, why don't you settle back and enjoy a glimpse?". totally.

so it's time once again to flip that coin. to decide whether or not to return to college. every time a new semester approaches, i mull it over. i feel that it is very important, but i'm too lazy. so there you have it.

Also, i was besieged by strange dreams again last night. I wonder if this is because i'm not sleeping well? or if it's simply a by-product of the combination of boring life and active imagination....anyway, the one thing that struck me overall was the sense that i was living in a "normal" place. in other words: not UTAH. it felt so incredibly good--so right. it was like a weight was lifted from my stooping, straining, worn out shoulders...they've been bearing this heavy bag of chips for so long...ha ha. anyway, it was nice. Also, i dreamed of seeing a friend and in the dream she had gotten divorced and remarried since i saw her last and i was confused, feeling a bit left out, trying to act like i wasn't surprised. weird. AND there was a dinner, at a restaurant somewhere in maine (probably) with a very large group...most of them were 18-20 year old boys (there's a shock) but i wasn't really flirting (huh???) and i assumed they were a sports team so i let my language go unchecked (plenty of "fucks" to go around, no pun intended), but when i returned from a rather odd trip to the restroom i learned that they were a seminary class--this is a mormon thing, a class to take during high school for further religious study, etc. i was revulsed. repulsed. and wanted to run screaming from the room. instead i smiled and nodded and swallowed my chalky, tastless food....grasping the empty space where my mug of beer should have been, like an amputee scratching an itch on that missing limb....he he he he i'm just practicing my descriptive writing skills. snerf.

what the hell is the matter with me?? i mean really. fuck.

so, i might be going to portland, if i can find a babysitter for the weekend. the mr. is going, and i really want to. but i doubt i'll get off my arse and find a babysitter....mostly because the sure bet is to offer to trade babysitting with another couple--you watch our gromets for the weekend, we'll watch yours another weekend. scares me. oh grow some balls, girl. jeez.

does anyone know where the expression "fuck an A" comes from? (or is it "fuckin' A"?) I guess i could research that. perhaps i shall.

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