Monday, November 21, 2005

When it's cold outside...

I've got the month of November.

If I could get my ass into the shower
(and hopefully the rest of my body as well)
then maybe I could go get some "shit" done before I pick my kids up from school.
That thought somehow feels heavy and awkward...
which is probably because it's not gonna happen.
not even remotely.
but we'll see.
(I like to set the bar low so I don't end up cowering in a corner, hoping Failure will get hungry enough to leave for long enough that I can sneak out the back door...)

SPEAKING of failure...
I'm starting to (tentatively) search for a literary agent.
the problem is, I don't have a completed novel and that's sorta what they're mostly looking for.
one of the agents on the list looked pretty good--
except for the two enormous grammatical errors, which could have been typos, but still.
"a author" and "for" instead of "from"...thanks, but no thanks.
I found one who actually lives in MY suburb of Salt Lake,
and one who sounds like she is looking for me, personally.
So I'll start with those two.
Guess why I'm telling you all this?
Just guess...
no, not that.
try again.
ok, that was uncalled for.
The reason I'm writing this--here--is to try to make myself accountable.
to try to establish a deadline of sorts.
And also, to sabatoge myself.
I rock.

It is suddenly winter, today,
and I'm freezing.
me and the dew on the grass...
perhaps it'll spur me into finishing the Great Garage Reorganization Project of 2005,
so that I may
fucking park in my THREE CAR garage again.
we have 3 vehicles in the driveway right now.
and shit stacked all over the garage.
It started 2 weeks ago, and I'm already as over it as one of those stupid-ass half-sweaters and a cami.
(...sweater over camisole...get it? eh, nevermind.)

for anyone not already in mad,
platonic-and/or-raging sexual love with Zach Braff,
go here.
And do you want to know why he scores so high on my rate-a-guy scale?
(I don't actually have one of those, but just play along)
Here's why:
and yes, those attributes are listed in order of importance,
although probably funny should be first,
since I don't generally find complete dumbasses to be funny...
well, not in a good way, at least,
so if I find a guy suitably funny,
chances are he's smarter than your average asshole.
("asshole" as a guy, not a body part...)
Oh, did I fail to link the post?

So did any of you know that today is the first day of the rest of your--
* gym membership
* carton of milk's shelf life
* tank of gas
* celibacy
* pregnancy
* cold
* flu
* really low IQ affecting your ability to get dates or keep jobs

Ok, so that was fun.

Maybe I should design a meme and start forcing everyone to do it.
Oh, what?
you don't think I could FORCE you?
I was trained by the CIA for a covert ops team and my specialty is information extrication.
(I was SOOOO tempted to phrase that in such a way that I could use "garner" instead of "extrication", but I didn't. And I still worked in the joke; how 'bout that?)

Has anyone noticed that I've made a goal to start using more semi colons?
You can thank the dude in my english class who's more anal about grammar than I am.
I was rather shocked to discover that, as you might suspect.
(but pleased.)
oh, I posted my latest poems from class, for those of you who are into that sorta thing.
(for the record, I LOOOOVE those of you who are into that sorta thing...)
uh, and those of you who are into THAT sorta thing.

ok, I have to pee like--
like a woman who chugged a cup of cofee and a huge glass of icewater!'s that for a non-metaphorical turn of phrase???

have a great Monday, you folks in some time zones, you.
the rest of ya, have a great Tuesday...

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