Saturday, October 29, 2005

I have GOT to sue my OB

That fucking prick did a terrible job of severing the umbilical cords.
Such a hack.
Seriously, though?
I am not that nice.
one of them even told me straight out that I'm not as much fun as his 9 year old half brother.
whatever, like that kid has anything on me??
I'm the Fun Master.
Ok, maybe not...
maybe all I ever want is to be left alone for long enough to become aware again of my own skin, my own reflection--my own armpit odor, fer chrissakes!!
my new office in our beautiful new basement is wonderful.
Sadly, the boys seem to think so, too.
even more sadly, the husband hasn't set up a tv in the living room down here yet.
let's add this up:
boys can't stand to be out of spitting range from mommy dearest
anything for them to do on this floor of our house
(and not the Def Leppard song)
This office is on the small side--
although plenty big for MY needs.
add two loud (if sweet and wonderful) voices, chanting "make an 's' and slide to the top"...
we're practicing '8's........
ok, so it's damn cute.
but when I first attempted this post, they were doing more of a bickery thing.
It's more than I can bear, I tell ya.
(more beer?)
aw, fuck.
and we're supposed to go have dinner and play poker with some great friends tonight.
we haven't exactly been successful at securing a babysitter.
I need a nanny.
and a maid.
and a LAWN BOY, baby!!!!!
sorry...having a bit of a bitch fest here, aren't I??

well, on a happy note:
at least my professor loved my unit project...
he even suggested that I should send it out to some magazines, see if I can get it published...
I think I'm going to cry.

Guess what you should all do?
go buy a cheap bouquet of flowers and put them in a vase, somewhere you'll see them a lot--kitchen table, desk, whatever.
I know Wal Mart has its evils, but when I get a lovely fresh flower bouquet for just under $4, as well as all my other grocery and drug store-type needs met???
sorry, I'm a customer.
Got a fucking great deal on my salon shampoo/conditioner yesterday,too.
that nearly caused a spontaneous orgasm, believe me.
See, I finally gave up my cynicism and tried a set of the expensive shit and was instantly converted--huge difference in my hair's behavior.
(hey, this just reminded me! I stumbled across this blog once, where the dude's only purpose was to click "next blog" and then write a review of the site he found there. Sadly, this guy has a small penis and a smaller brain because he never had anything good to say about any of the sites--I know, because I scrolled down and read as many reviews as I could. It was kind of humorous, I suppose...but I guess I'm just not that negative of a person. I like to see the best in people, and so I generally do. This has caused me a wide range of friends, who often don't get along with each other. Anyway, needless to say, my blog was his most recent review, which is how I ended up there--his link was on my list of referrers. It hurt my feelings a lot more than it should have, and one of the things he mentioned was that I had talked about my hair for 20 lines or something....I checked all my recent posts, and I had only mentioned my hair once, for 2 or 3 sentences. Fucker. wow...nice tangent...and do you like how I write in a slightly more conventional paragraph format when I'm inside a set of parentheses? There's something about those round, loving arms...they make feel safe and secure...heh. Ok. back to your regularly scheduled whatever-the-fuck-this-is).
Anywho, I'm now a sucker for the $20 shampoo.
but I got lucky yesterday, because the salon was having a sale.
I ended up getting about $60 worth of product for about $25.
and now I just want to hang out in the bathroom and repeatedly condition my hair...
could have something to do with the fact that there's a lock on the door, too, though.
unlike my (god damn motherfucking) office.
I'll live.
It's just that I really only require an hour or so of peace and then I absolutely love spending time with them--we play UNO 412 times a day, and I'm ok with that.
they help me make cookies, gives me a headache, actually.
we read books and more books together and that kicks ass.
don't think I'm ungrateful...
I love the little turds.
oh yeah, and then there's the added bonus that if they're out of sight, they are not blessedly "out of mind", but more likely causing some great mischief, resulting in massive amounts of work for ME.
I'm totally finished ranting about my precious little bare-bottomed kids.
yes, they took a bath...
no, they don't like wearing clothes.

cowboy take me away.
(sing it like a dixie chick, COME ON!!)

however, guess who has the BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD?
(for a million different reasons)
I do.
Even if I want to kill him at least 12% of the time, too.
oh well.

the boys have bee upstairs for nearly 7 minutes now.
I guess I better go...
wish me luck...

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