dude. lovin paradise hotel. guilty pleasure of the summer....well, besides klondike bars...what i wouldn't do for a fucking klondike bar....aaahhhh....just kidding, there's a whole pack in my freezer and there are many things i wouldn't do for one. there's only one thing i would do for one, actually. and that is get off my fat ass and open the freeezer.

anyway. i think therefore i am. har. look who's philosophical tonight.

i think i'm getting nervous about the reunion because i feel like i'm gaining weight with every breath. and i'm making really stupid choices--like today i took the boys to McD's and did i refrain from partaking? hell no. stupid stupid girl. i really am obsessed, i think. I wish I didn't care so much, but I do. I am afraid of being in the category of "skinny girls who got fat" from high school, you know? I just want one of those miracle diet thingys to actually work. i have 4 weeks to lose ten pounds. you would think i could frigging manage that, but since it took 48 weeks to lose 25 pounds...I'm not counting on it! well, maybe i can actually diet over the next month, instead of just wishing....hm...very interesting....i'll keep you posted. not a bad plan, really. a diet, you say? what a novel idea.

I'm tired. I seriously can't wait to go to Maine, but i'm really annoyed about the timing of it all. One of my best friends is in town for most of the summer, but her husband is only here for 3 weeks and he arrives about 5 days before I leave....they were our date couple, you know? so i haven't spent much time with her, because our pattern was to go out as couples. so, i'll miss out on that. AND my dearest friend, who happens to be my sister in alw, is moving to oregon and will most likely be leaving either within days of when i leave, OR sometime later, while i'm gone. so i may miss out on spending a bit more time with her. besides the fact that if i was going to maine later and we were having hte reunion later i'd (can you guess?) have more time to lose weight. yes, i know. i'm fucking pathetic. blah. oh well. my mom is the greatest woman alive and i get to spend lots of time with her this summer. last summer she was working two jobs (her school job overlaps her summer job by a few weeks on either end) so i barely saw her at all. my dad is great with the kids though, so that was a help. anyway, it's gonna be great. my brother is going to take us to an island on his boat and we're going to ccamp there. i'll let you know how insane i was to attempt that, after the fact. =)

i'm still tired. soooooooooo..........i guess i'll go the fuck to bed.