I just ate my lunch so fast that I don't remember if it tasted good.
I happen to KNOW that it tasted good, from past experience, but as for this encounter?
All I know is I was Hungry.
I was like the entire country of Hungary, in fact.
I finally bought the new Chili Peppers album, Stadium Arcadium.
I am digging it so far.
Also, and unrelatedly, I will be doing my first restaurant review sometime this weekend!!!
I am beyond thrilled--can't even tell you.
I feel free.
I am finished with the self-pity, I am just going to live.
I am going to try, at least.
I recently learned something I never knew about my brothers--the ones I never lived with, the ones who were my father's before he met my mother.
The ones who were even older than my mother's sons, the ones who live here in Utah and are a big part of my life now.
The ones who are not plural anymore...
it's been...oh, god...it's been 16 years since he died.
I can't believe I was a teenager 16 years ago...is my math right??
That's a detail, a footnote--an epilogue.
What I gained recently was an understanding of their relationship with each other.
I never really knew them together.
Their names go together like a foot in a well-worn shoe, even still, but they were usually separate in my memories.
Anyway, my mother's sons were talking about them a couple of weeks ago.
What a story!
I am telling this all inside out and backwards, aren't I?
I should back up or slow down, because I don't really want to lose the details, or the impressions.
My brothers who live here were moved to Maine with their new father, all the way across the country in the back of a U-Haul...yes, they rode with the cargo.
You must understand, these brothers are hilarious, and so the story was lively and would feel like an exaggeration if you didn't know.
They joked about passing out from the heat and how the walkie-talkies my mom gave them in order to communicate with the adults was useless--"Oh, the boys are fine. We would have heard from them if they weren't." etc.
So, anyway...at the tail end of this 4 day journey of madness, my crazy dad stopped in Warren and threw his two sons into the back with their new brothers and drove the remaining 6 or 7 miles to the house.
His sons were...13 and 15 (I think) and hers were 12 and 10.
Hers were Mormon and his were...already smoking, drinking and screwing.
So anyway, that was the story of their first meeting.
Funny, with all those brothers, can you believe I never had a meaningful male-female relationship in my family until adulthood?
My Dad loves me, but he worked 20 hour days for most of my childhood.
I'm not much exaggerating there, but maybe more like 17 or 18 on average.
Anyway, that's what I've decided is the root of my inability to approach a male-female relationship with anything other than flirtation.
the relationship between the two rebel brothers.
The two outlaws.
The younger brother, the one who died at 28, the one who left behind a son who needs a father more than most, was the one with the mouth.
He would start trouble with the ease of starting a car.
I remember his car...the silver Corvette.
I remember the Doberman, the gold tooth.
yeah, he thought he was a bad ass.
I think he was a drug dealer.
But he, like all of my family, was mainly a fisherman.
All of this just to say that his older brother was always the one who would end up winning the fights that he started with random people in bars or wherever.
He would step in to help out his smart-ass little brother and end things.
This didn't come out at all the way it was in my mind.
I wanted to capture this foggy picture I had of them and show you these two boys I never knew.
I just received the pictures from the Braless Two-fer-Tuesday shoot the other night.
I can't post them until I have a shot of the photographer to include; he insists up on it.
Ok, time to get a drink (of water) and talk myself into going to the gym instead of for a nap....oh, who am I kidding?
Sweet dreams to ME!