Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sunday, muddy Sunday--

Ok, not so much "mud" as puddles of water and grass clippings, but somehow that just didn't have the same ring to it.
Had a lovely family dinner for the boys' birthday today.
It has been 100 degress or more for several days now, and damn it feels good to be a gansta.
Or to have air conditioning that works...
I cannot even imagine what these days would have been like if I had known how hot it was.
I literally was unaware of the temperature save for reading about it.
Ok, there was that one time that I was walking from the car to a store, and I forgot to close my mouth while I was breathing and I nearly suffocated.
But I don't think that was the heat...just in-breeding.
Speaking of in-breeding, I think my brother M's son has a crush on my brother J's daughter.
And my 19 year old niece is marrying a future doctor, which is cool enough, but the kid can WIGGLE HIS EARS.
It fucking rocks.

So my desk top computer has bitten the dust,
and I'm relegated to my laptop...
which is fine, but...
I had some links saved in my favorites on the desktop that I need for writing my articles tonight
I can't be expected to remember that sort of thing!
As if.

I took the boys swimming this morning.
It was really nice.
I forgot to take a book or a notebook,
so instead I slept.
It was really nice...
I didn't want to wake up.
I dreamed in soft, rich colors;
I think the sun and heat infused the thoughts in my head.
I reached out through the mist of my mind and crafted some wonderful stories.
While we played in the water, one of the boys asked me what I would do if I didn't have them--
I, of course, anwsered sarcastically, "I'd have more than 5 minutes of peace at a time."
"You'd be sad, Mom. And you wouldn't have anyone to play with!"
Aaaaw...he's right.
So then he asked me why some people don't have kids.
And I told him that some people aren't ready yet, or don't want to.
I didn't include the saddest example--that some people want to more than anything, but can't.
I knew that with their inquisitive minds they wouldn't let up until I had explained that one further than necessary.
I always forget that they don't need to know EVERYTHING.

While we're on a somber note...
I'll tell you something that broke my heart.
On their birthday we had a cake, and when they blew out their candles, Oliver said, "I wish to be an angel!"
The joy on his face was a perfect opposite of the fear that tore through my heart.
"No, baby--no, you don't want to be angel."
Becky said, "It's ok...he didn't blow them all out in one try."
I breathed again.
Neither of us noticed that he spoke his wish aloud, and that's another negating factor.
I just can't tell you how it shook me.
My precious, fragile one.
I wanted to inhale and suck his little body right back into the heart of mine, in that moment, so that he could gain some of my strength.


Life is good.
Must write articles.
First, must cut fingernails.
They've grown out of control again and are fucking up my typing.

I had a visit from the cutest little mormon missionaries this morning...
I always feel this urge to tell them my whole story--
that I used to be more faithful than they could even imagine but that I now know it's all a crock of shit.
I have a hard time being that direct, though.
They asked if I still have a Book of Mormon around, and goddamnit, but I didn't think fast enough and told them I had no need--
I would frigging LOVE to have a nice, fresh, blue Book to do dirty things to/with/on/over/around!
Oh, fuck off.
It's good for me.
Their next move was to ask me if they could leave a pamphlet thingy with me.
I said, "No. I already know what's in there and I'm not interested, thank you. Have a nice day, though."
And I closed the door.
The boys asked me who it was, and I said, "Some people who wanted me to go to their church."
"oh, you don't LIKE to go to church, though, right mom?"
you got it, kiddo.
fucking fuckers.
Fucking NONfuckers, technically.

Ok, have a happy night.

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