Tuesday, February 21, 2006


("G" optional)

Yes, that's right!
It's Tuesday again!
Time for me to pretend I give a shit about what kind of week you're having,
and parade my nipples for your viewing pleasure.
Ok, ok.
I do care.
Just not very much...

It's been a great, 3-day flavored weekend here.
Hope you all had the same.
Ok, so it had it's ups and downs, but whatever.
Here is a list of the ups and downs, in no particular order:

1. step son flooded bathroom (with shower, not toilet--praise jeebus) causing ceiling to leak.
2. dishwasher drain got plugged so all dishes were coming out spotted.
3. kids spilled at least 3 whole boxes of breakfast cereal intermittently.
4. drove step son home from his basket ball game on the edge of the mountain on fantastically icy roads--yay for mountains; driving downhill in snow is fu-u-un.
5. hubby worked 24 hours straight on a 6 hour job. stupid clients.
6. hubby fixed dishwasher...aw....
7. parents arrived from Maine for one week visit!!
8. got happily, gorgeously drunk on friday with girlfriend.
9. may have kissed her
10. too many boys flirting with her--I may have gotten caught in the crossfire
11. HANG. OVER. horrendous one. Will I EVER learn???? (i'll answer that...NO.)
12. god DAMN, but making lists is satisfying!!
13. My favorite number...and the end.

If you haven't listened to my drunk audio post from Friday night,
you really ought to.
If only to make fun of me with your friends.

So today was President's Day, and since I have no comedic talent of my own,
and the only person I could think of to rip off doesn't have any either,
here goes:

"I'm gonna drink on Sunday.
I'm drinking drinking on Sunday
Don't have to work on Monday
Happy Birthday, Presidents
Great vacation, celebration
Destination: Intoxication.
Inebriation across the nation
Birthday President
God, I love the Presidents
So they'll be no hesitants
On belly shots of rumplemintz
Birthday President.
(spoken) Presidents' Day, yeah. You know, if George Washington were alive today, he'd probably say something like, 'God, I'm 274 years old! Why can't I die? What's wrong with me?' But I also think he'd be happy that his birthday is half celebrated on the 3rd Monday in February."
There will be no complaining
If it's snowy or it's rainy
Beer and a shot with my man, Dick Cheney (gun shot)
Happy birthday, Presidents!"

--Jimmy Fallon, on David Letterman sung very fast.

I give you--
the greatest T-shirt I've ever owned, or will ever own, or have ever seen, or will ever see.

What's that you say,
Mrs. Robinson?

I said, "I want to FUCK YOU, YOUNG MAN!"

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