I cannot tell a lie

Well, not today, at least.

It's Cluster Fuck Friday--
who's in?
At least I got my photos for the passport, even if I have to go to a different location and pay an even higher expediting fee.
I'm not actually stupid enough to be complaining about that...
it's just that my kids seem to harbor a deep hatred for me.
Or public places--I'm not sure which.
Me, getting out of car, "No running, no touching, and NO playing with the doors!"
The last half of the sentence fell on the pavement as two little bodies raced off across the parking lot.
Sigh.
Then they stood in front of the automatic doors, waiting for them to close so they could open them...getting in the way of someone and then (oliver) crying when I reminded him that we didn't come here to play with doors.
So, back to the car.
Mama's pissed, but they don't care.
We sit in the car while I re-explain the rules, and wait for the storm cloud to pass.
Reiterating the consequences, since they were APPARENTLY unclear before.
Then, as the nice postal worker is explaining that I'll never get my passport in 4 weeks, even with expedited shipping, etc, the now-happy boys stand at my elbow, bouncing up and down and singing.
I'm glad it's not socially acceptable to beat kids anymore, cuz otherwise, I might be tempted.

So now I'm just mad at my husband and his brother for goading me into making cookies last night.
"I'm on a diet!" I protested.
"We'll eat them all tonight!" They promised.
Lying fuckers.
Don't they know it's physically, emotionally, and spiritually impossible for me to make cookies without eating one??? (or 7)
Jesus hates them anyway, so I guess I don't feel too bad.
They don't believe in him, so I'm assuming he hates them.
I guess that's a little beyond my realm of knowledge, though.

As for why I took a break from blogging this week, it's simple:
I didn't have anything to say.
I didn't feel like blogging.
It was all very mellow, which is new.
Usually when I (or most people I've seen) take a break it's because I'm sad or mad or annoyed or insulted or bored or something.
Not this time.
Just igloo-like.

Tonight there is a 2 hour season finale of Arrested Development.
I hate Fox.
I hate them for not giving this show the top priority.
Mostly I hate all the assfucks out there who choose to watch something else so that Fox doesn't realize what a genius show it is.
Or whatever the hell their problem is.
They have cancelled it several times, and have changed its time slot more often than a stripper changes her hair color.
Fucking ICE SKATING with celebrities has a regular time slot, but not the greatest comedy of this century.
Whatever, Fox.

I decided that I’m going to get a sound bite from the new version of "Charlie and the Chalk Factory" of Willy Wonka saying, "I don’t care."
And just carry it around on a digital recorder so I can play it whenever I care so little about what’s being said that I can’t be bothered to speak.

I think I'll go eat some more cookies.
I like being fat.
It works for me.