hey hey what can i do?

i got a woman who won't be true, lawd...

nah, i don't.
but that happens to be one of my top 5 favorite led zepellin songs.

okay, how sad is it when you not only get hungry from watching an info-mercial, but...
pause in your writing to watch it for so long that the screen saver comes on??
hey--
the remote is uh, shit.
actually within reach...
hold that thought.
aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.......
how do YOU spell relief?
my most common answer to that question would be: p-e-e-i-n-g.
but for the moment it would be a nice quiet room.
i'm glad i shared that.
i feel closer to you now.

there are three things in this world that would make me happy right now.
1. diet impact-free desserts
2. a personal assistant
3. a half dozen pool boys or assorted yard hands...

although i'd settle for a snack of some kind.

i got the cooooolest stuff from my Christmas in June Secret Santa buddy!!
and i almost made myself wait until the 25th to open it...
but i'm glad i didn't.
Sandra did her research!
she sent me--all the way from GERMANY--some very cool things.
including, but not limited to, a black thong--very sexy, suits my taste precisely--and the most luscious lip balm i've ever tried.
all of which was wrapped in...
pictures of naked men.
sluuuurpp!
(no, Jonnie, don't stress--they were from a magazine, not the ones you sent her)
so yeah, i would say it's been a fabulous holiday season.
and hopefully my package reaches its recipient by friday...
a hearty thanks goes out to Boz for orchestrating this whole plot--
he is my hero if ever i had one (which i don't, but hey)
he's like The Greatest American Hero, even.
...yeah, curly blond hair and tight gym shorts.

there are beginning to be too many really great blogs for me to keep up with.
so...
could some of you stop being so damned entertaining??
thanks.
either that or i could actually get around to adding some folks to my sidebar...
the problem with that is twofold...
first of all, i'm lazy.
second of all, i'm feeling overcrowded--claustrophic.
i'm feeling like eminem baby--time to clean out my closet (or sidebar)
my page takes nearly a full 10 seconds to load--and that's even on my husband's computer.
my laptop is falling apart like a leper in an earthquake, so it doesn't surprise me that it's slow.
(and if you're not still laughing over that leper thing, then you suck. cuz i am.)
but his machine is a lean mean uh--
i already said machine so i think it would sound really silly if i said it again.
fighting machine...
whatever.
you get the picture.

and if i could stop thinking nasty, evil thoughts about forbidden foods, that would help.
not to be like...a total girl, but...i'm GETTING FAT AGAIN.
abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous.
(which is also known as ri-cock-ulous.)
oh well.
happiness is but a tummy tuck away.

have a happy hump day---