Thursday, June 22, 2006

Missing: one mind, I.Q. 144, greyish, about the size of two fists...

Let me know if ya find it.

I am not even talking about what you might think here, so just go with it--
I am spreading myself too thin, and yet somehow getting FATTER.
I am losing my...
I need to stop.
come back down to earth.
quit pushing, quit pulling.
I dunno.

I actually forgot about tee ball tonight.
the coach even called this afternoon to remind us it was picture night.
team picture night.
but then the power went out,
and I lost what I had written so far of the fucking article due at 3pm.
it was I'm a slacker, we all knew that!
ok, so I showered and grew nervous, pulling out the laptop, and using what little battery power it had left, after not being charged.
and then grew more nervous and decided to take the kids to the daycare early and go write the article at school, just so that I would be there on time instead of sitting somewhere else and writing until toooo late and then girl, for once, although I don't think I thought that hard about it.
skipped lunch.
smart girl, after monday's hangry episode, eh? yeah, I know.
(it didn't really happen today, though, so that's cool.)
got to school, wrote a truly shitty, truly inferioir article.
went to meet editor, told him my sob story re: power outage/shitty play/shitty review.
Re-typed it onto his computer, because I didn't bother bringing my pen drive and I didn't bother saving it to disk and I couldn't email it to him because my wireless card wasn't set up with the school's network, ET FUCKING CETERA.
He totally re-wrote it, although we sort of did it together (not like that ya pervs),
and he was very cool about my ball droppage (not like THAT ya pervs!!...I don't drop balls, anyway, I lick them...)
sorry, got swept away for a moment.
memories, light the corner of my mind---
Ok, so.
finished article, sans photo.
but, talked shop about my Shakespeare two-page spread dealy, which needed to happen before I could start planning, so that's cool.
I'll go to Cedar City for a couple of days and do some interviews (hopefully) and see at least a couple of plays, and do a whole big thang.
I'm seriously beyond excited about that.

all I want right now is to be alone.
completely alone.
isn't that odd?
I just want to drive off and have an adventure of solitude.
the solitude is the adventure...
just breathe and sing along to my CDs and think thoughts.

(siiiiigh....I already said that....)
after the article editing I went to the Driver's License Division and had a mild-but-eventually-pleasant cluster fuck.
The two gentlemen I dealt with were super cheerful...
suspiciously so, in fact.
just kidding.
I loved them, if only for a moment.
One was hawaiian and handsome, one was old and twinkle-eyed...
i wonder, if men were like tarot cards...what would that mean?
Men are like tarrot cards...they are like stars in the sky, they are like two molecules of oxygen...they are like bruises and tears and seas full of are that I might have joy. heh. little mormon scripture for ya. "men are that THEY might have joy", but whatever.
I love the taste, the smell, the roughness of men.
I love their voices, their hands, their useless nipples.
I love the way they think, and the way they move.
I love the shape of their backs, and the stubble on their chins.
all of them...?
Nah, not all of them.
But I find beauty in many.

after the driiver's license thing, I picked up my worhtless motherfucking goddamn pain in the ass thyroid pills, some dinner, and some kids--I'm pretty sure they were mine....they sure did whine the same.
"oh, they were so good, had so much fun!"
two seconds later, in the car, "Mooooooooom......"
and my nostrils flare, ears lay back...ready to pounce.
I need a break.
Or I'm going to break.

I am grateful for my husband's amazing job, I really am.
But I wish...
jesus that hurt my chest, I can't type it.
I just wish, that's all.
I wish for all sorts of things, and I also know that if I got all my wishes I would be miserable, because content isn't a color I look good in for long.
So, it's cool.
but I need to slide into a docking station and recharge my mother and my fucking batteries.
I mean, my mothering needs a recharge and my libido needs a recharge.
I am all...skee-wompas.
yeah, that's a technical term.

I ache.
my clavicles are sore, oddly.
and my lip bruised a dark purple from a child collision.
yes, I was beating my children with my face again.
I ought to cut back.

this is such a lethargic and moany post, I feel itwould be out of place to mention the fabulous time I had last night with the Becky and Justin McBloggers...
They were such good sports--I was late to my own house for our dinner!
AND they picked up dinner for me...
AND brought me REAL BEER (higher percentage of alcohol)
AND some lovingly burned CDs--a whole bunch!! woot!
AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD a superbly orange birthday assortment!
We enjoyed our dinner and played a nerdy game, then watched Airplane!, which was just as funny as I'd remembered.
They are some seriously swell folks.
Becky has the sexiest voice, too, in case you've ever wondered.
I'm insanely jealous.
This is our second meeting, by the way.
And maybe next time, I won't be late...but they shouldn't count on it!!


by request:
Which came first, 'Rivals' or rotten tomatoes? - A & E

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