Friday, March 10, 2006

Dick anyone?

Hi, I’m Dick, a friend of Lisa’s. She asked Kelly, my incredibly hot, as well as extremely smart lover and I to fill up some of her space while she was gone. She also asked for me to post topless, so here ya go.
Late last night, Kelly and I were discussing the various virtues of a hot load of my very own patented formula of Big Dicks’ Baby Batter™ and came to two certain conclusions.
One, since it’s essentially nothing more than a veritable plethora of common proteins (my common proteins, which are always specially seasoned to that just right taste, and served up hot and fresh every time by one of our friendly wait staff), it’s good for the skin.
Two, even though it is hot and sticky just like napalm; it’s not nearly as flammable.
Just a thought.
As you read this, be aware that my brain drippings are in italics while Kelly’s thoughts are in normal typeset.

I wonder why a lot of women feel the need to change things about their
men. It can be small things, but even more commonly, it's big stuff.
It's something I don't understand.
I mean, why would you be with someone who isn't exactly what you want? Girls, you know as well as I do that men don't want to change. Most of them think they're perfectly fine the way they are. But think about it, do you want to change for a man? I know I don't. I want to be me. What you see is what you get with me, and if someone doesn't like something about me, sorry but I can't change that.
It's part of who I am. I'm a huge goober, a music geek and a Science geek.
Either you accept that, or you don't. If you can't, I'll be happy to send you on your way. So, why would a man want to change for me or any other woman? Especially, if they are happy with who they are.
Granted, in my younger years, I was as guilty of this as most. But, as I've gotten older (read wiser), I've learned that you can't change someone.

Have I ever told you guys about my idea of the perfect woman? Wait a just a second now, I don’t do supermodels. Never have and never will. I’m all about normal when it comes to a woman.
Give me a chick who’s maybe a few pounds overweight with some of those delicious, natural curves anytime over a skinny chick with plastic tits. I mean, don’t get me wrong.
There’s nothing at all bad about tagging a hot supermodel other than the high maintenance costs, but I think the sensual curves of a hot thirty something, everyday woman are the most incredible sight I’ve ever witnessed and yeah, I have been around the block once or twice.

I have a coworker who has completely made over her boyfriend. She's made him get a new haircut, she's made him change his whole wardrobe. She makes him watch TV shows with her that he doesn't really like.
All I can see this coming to, down the road, is him resenting her for not letting him be himself.
And, that's just small, physical things.

I had a friend who thought she could change her boyfriend into some sort of prince. Fact is, the guy was an asshole, still is an asshole and will always be an asshole. She said to me for years that he would change and guess what? He never did. I wasn't surprised. She kept trying and trying though and all it did in the end was cause her heartbreak. Why do women do this?
Why do we fool ourselves into thinking that we are so spectacular that he will change for us, even though he changed for no one else before? Why do we think that we know what is best for our man?
Are we that egotistical? Is it because we have a nurturing mindset and feel the need to "take care" of them? Or are we so desperate at times, that we fail to see the truth in front of us and think if we try hard enough, or love hard enough, that eventually he'll see the light and be what we want.

Ain't gonna happen ladies. We're the ones who need to see the light.

Plus, she has to be packin’ an attitude. If I was shopping for a wallflower, I would have gone down to the local nursery. Kelly will tell someone to pound a bag of sand up there ass without a second thought if they make the mistake of pissing her off.
Me? I’m one of those little pussy kind of guys who gets sand kicked in my face every time I go to the beach. I have to have a chick around, just to defend my pussy ass.

You either gotta take the bad with the good and just deal with it, or find someone who has all those traits that you want. Figure out what you are willing to put up with, and what you aren't.
You know, I've realized over the years that audible farting is not so bad. And can be quite hilarious at times.
No one is perfect, we all know this. Don't try to change men, they are who they are. And don't change yourself for a man.
Be you, be true to yourself and that's when true happiness follows.

Have a great day!

If you ever get the chance, the next time your better half is doing some sort of mundane household chore, study her curves for a few minutes. Watch her movements. Then step back and be grateful you have this piece of artwork to call your own.

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