Tuesday, April 15, 2003

sorry, i've been such a slacker. I was actually in this extremely depressed state the past few days, so i didn't feel like writing. it was weird. The weirdest part is how i snapped myself out of it at 5 this morning (which is technically the middle of the night to me). I woke up for the usual reason, to pee. then i couldn't get back to sleep and i was laying there thinking horribly sad thoughts, and wishing that they would go away. Then a thought occurred to me...okay, nevermind. it's going to sound really crazy--and i mean get this girl a straight jacket crazy....okay, here it is: i just finished reading harry potter 4 so it was close to the surface, you know? and I thought, if these sad feelings were just a curse by lord Voldemort, then all i'd have to do is fight it and they'd go away. it made me laugh, and seriously it was like flipping a switch and all the sad cloudy gray feelings were gone. I should clarify: it's not like i really believe those feelings were a curse by the Dark Lord, but it was a change in perspective for me, a way to say, remember, girl, all you have to do is try a little harder and the clouds will dissipate under the rays of your sunshine. And this is how i know that i'm not "clinically" or "chemically" depressed. I am fairly certain that if that was the case i would not be able to just undo the funk. I just sometimes get super sad for a few days at a time and all i want to do is sit or lay on the couch, and do NOTHING. it's a pretty awful feeling and I'm just glad it doesn't last very long. I always think of that cute little black circle on the depression commercial, not wating to chase the butterfly...anyway, i thought y'all might be interested in hearing about my spiritual experience with Harry Potter...har har.

So remember that Job thing i've been talking about? Well, one fell into my lap, just as i had hoped. It's incredibly easy and flexible and it doesn't pay much. I'm realizing that even though I'm not working because I technically "need" the money I'm still more greedy than I would like to admit. I mean, I want to save up all my little dollars and go on a trip or buy lots of really expensive clothes or take my best friend sky diving...like i promised her last year when i tried this pseudo working thing before...see, that time it was actually the same job, but i tried to do it exclusively from home and it was hard to make myself actually do it. this time, i'm smart and i'm going to pay someone to watch my kids three days a week for about 5 hours each...we'll see. She's the wife of one of my husband's friends and she's really great with kids. she stays home with her two and she is just as calm and sweet as you could hope for AND they have a fenced yard, so my kids can just run around all morning in the sunshine. i start tomorrow, so we'll see...

I am a huge Led Zeppellin fan, even if i don't always spell it correctly, and I just noticed a couple of weeks ago a very interesting thing. I am also a fan of the Lord of the Rings movies--especially the second one (all hail to Orlando Bloom, right Nedra? =)) Anyway...I was listening to one of our classic rock stations, and Ramble On came on and I was so happy, filled with joy, singing along, etc. And then it came to the line that says, "In the darkest depths of Mordor, I met a girl so fair. Then Gollum the evil one crept up and slipped away with her, her, yeah..." and I said, "Well, duh! I guess they're talking about the Lord of the Rings!" How funny. and please pardon my misspellings of "mordor" and "gollum" because i've never seen either of those in print before. i'm a visual learner, you see, so hearing those names, and all the other odd ones in the movie is actually rather distressing for me...i guess i oughta look them up somewhere, but come on, i got shit to do...(psst--i just looked up those two words and I got it right!! yay. i have always taken pride in being good at spelling...which does not include typos!!)

I saw About a Boy over the weekend. AWWW!! that was fantastic. I loved that movie. That was the high light of my depressed few days. =) And then i watched The Queen of the DAmned, because I read and loved the first 5 or 6 books in the Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice, on which that movie was based. However, I have to say i was sorely disapointed. god i can't spell anymore. Anyway, they rearranged so much of the plot that it was highly distracting. I spent the first half of the movie trying to remember which vampire actually created Lestat and then being pissed that they screwed it around so much. they changed it from some weird old guy creating him then immediately committing suicide, thereby leaving him a vampire but not knowing what he was or what he could do or what he needed spending hundreds of years being bitter and angry about that and finally tracking down Marius (who created him in the movie and immediately nurtured him and showed him all the ways of being a vampire) and meeting the queen of the damned, etc. so lame. Not to mention they didn't even mention Maharet's twin sister or the spirit which was the thing which held all vampires together and without whom they would all cease to exist. grrrrrrrrrrr. i wonder what Anne Rice thinks of it? I wonder if she agreed to all the lamed-assed changes or if she was upset by them. well i sure was, i tell you what.

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