Monday, April 28, 2003

Okay, so as it turned out I was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too hung over to attempt writing more of my Saturday night escapades yesterday. Should not have been a surprise, considering i drank at least twice as much as it usually takes to get me drunk (although i can recall each drink and way more of what happened that night than i think i would like to...but i'm getting ahead of myself) and i had to get up at seven bleeding a.m. which is a full two hours earlier than my usual waking time...

Okay. So. I had a great time, first of all. A hilarious happy adventure into the land of drunkenness and watching yet ANOTHER friend travel down the girl-girl pathway...this is friend number 3, but so far they've all come back because let's face it girls--who could really give up the cock altogether? well...lesbians, i guess--that was a dumb thing to say. but you know what i mean!!! anyway, digression is my middle name; let's get back on track. Fairly early in the evening a 50-something man came over and asked the girls if they would go talk to his wife, who is bi and shy (they loved the rhyme, but he didn't get it...) so they did but then he wouldn't leave them alone. Then there was another couple who turned out to be my age ("the girls" are 2 or 3 years younger than myself) and my lifelines of the evening. I realized that on retrospect. I wonderd why i kept going back to their table with a feeling of comfort and relief: They were normal, they were safe--and we had pleasant conversation, so they were a nice landing point when i needed a break from watching one of my best friends shoving her tongue down another girl's throat...and then there was the point when they went in the bathroom for waaaaaaaaay too long and came out waaaaaaaaaaaay too satisfied looking...that's one good thing about having a female lover, i guess. sneaking into a public restroom with someone of the opposite sex for a semi-public quickie can be a little tricky (lookit that, more rhyming), but if two girls go in, no one's going to notice because they both belong there...although i'm sure people noticed because everyone in the joint was mesmerized by them...they're both pretty hot, by the way. So the couple that we were talking to, were very cool. they'd been married for 7 years and divorced just last year, but they still hang out all the time...weird. Dude seemed a little too interested in me for that situation. Told me I'm pretty which was frankly, quite a thrill because I haven't heard that from a stranger since before the dawn of time (translation: before i got married) and i was feeling slightly overlooked due to my companions...he also bore a striking resemblence to someone i know and it was a little creepy--but in a good, i was drunk enough to leave the evening with this shadow of a feeling that i had spent time with the guy he resembled.

there was karaoke upstairs, oh yeah, i mentioned that last post. anyway, my burning question is now answered: i will never reach a point where i'm drunk enough to actually get up there. it's really not that i have no guts, it's truly just my lack of musical talent. i can hit a few notes, but that's it. i've spent too many years working hard to keep anyone from overhearing me sing to purposely go and blow my own cover like that. back in my religious days (years 0-21) i would join the choir out of peer pressure and lip sync, then in college i finally figured out it was a great thing, because i'm a tenor so i got to sit with all the cute boys. ha! take that you slutty sopranos!! i'm like one of the bad auditions from american idol, only i'm smart enough to know i suck shit. i love singing along at the top of my lungs when i'm alone, as we all do, and i've even ventured to sing along to the radio in the presence of a few select friends and my hubby--but only if the real music is REALLY motherfucking loud and still no girl songs. i can only sing along with men.

who really cares? My lack of singing talent is not nearly as exciting as grinding with two horny women, now is it? hee hee. i have to say i had more fun than i would have expected if she had told me before that evening, "hey S***** and I have been cruising down the Likki Likki highway, you wanna hit the bar with us?" She's smart. She knows me. I'm open and accepting, but you gotta ease me into things. they did a great job including me without INCLUDING me, if you know what i mean. =) and i really only experienced the same degree of discomfort as i would have if one of them had been a guy--watching one of my friends make out with anyone has never been something i enjoy--call me crazy. They started out with just a few quick little kisses here and there, but by the time I had caught up to their deep level of intoxication (they had a three hour headstart) they were grabbing and groping and tongues were flying...And we all danced and that was fun. There was one really hot girl who joined us at one point, as well as one girl and two guys who were not cute enough but it's nice to make people happy--i know what you're thinking and you're wrong. I'm not approaching a merge with the Likki Likki highway. I'm firmly entrenched in the Men-are-my-heroin Freeway and that offramp is just not one I'm interested in taking. Don't get me wrong, I'll smile at the billboards as I pass by, maybe even crane my neck to catch a glimpse of the L.L. highway as I cross the overpass, but that's it. I'm a satisfied woman. And by the way, that is my favorite phrase to refer to girls who are "experimenting". It is the actual name of a highway in hawaii and i might be spelling it wrong, maybe there's only one "k" and i might be pronouncing it wrong, but hey, you get the picture. or you don't--either way, i don't really give a fuck. when i was on that highway (the one in hawaii) all i could do is giggle. "Licky, Licky!" I'm such a Beavis. Man i miss that show.

I think I'll dedicate this post to my favorite comedian. wink. hope you enjoyed it.

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