holy sauna, bat man. i know i've lived here a long time, but i'm still not used to the heinously high summer temperatures. and there's not even any water, you know? like, at least in Maine if you're hot, you go to the beach. bam--problem solved. anyway. my kids keep waking up early, and being ornery all day, so that's nice. i sort of like getting up earlier--yes, i'm feeling alright. it shocks me, though. it's actually cool enough to enjoy the playground before ten in the morning, so it's kind of nice to be up in time to take advantage of that.

feels great to be back at the gym.

When i was home, at the memorial for my grandmother, i saw a lot of cousins and such that i haven't seen in a long time. it was cool, but kind of sad, too. there were 4 little boys that i used to babysit. Two sets of brothers, and the oldest of each set is now 23 years old--all grown up and handsome. Made me so happy to see them, and they said they're working on scallop boats down in New Bedford (like in A Perfect Storm)...and that made me feel proud of them...then someone else said they're into heroin. GOD DAMN it. Now i remember what's wrong with living there--that happens to everyone. They go earn tons of money on those boats, and they put it all up their nose or in their arm or whatever. I can't stop thinking about them. They were my little guys, you know? The one was always such a helpful, good kid, totally a sweetheart. The other was the poster child for planned parenthood--a total hellion and could tell more convincing lies than anyone i've ever met...but still, it proved he was smart and creative and he had a good heart too. I want to go back there and drag them aside and just kick the shit of them or something. ask them what the hell they think they're doing! that's not living. and it's not like there aren't plenty of good examples of why NOT to do drugs in their immediate circle of extended family--a father, an uncle, a cousin, and a few others who have ruined or lost their lives to those very demons these young men are inviting over for afternoon tea. grrrrrrrr.

on that depressing note. i think i'll go. i have to kill a twelve pound spider i found in the garage before i go pick up a babysitter so i can go look at cars...again. i'm not getting my hopes up this time. =)