And not in a "clean and--" manner.
More like...somber and serious.
For the first time in nearly 4 years, I am ready to shut down this blog.
(That sounded a lot more dramatic than I intended...)
I will start a new one and give the address to anyone who is on my sidebar,
or has made multiple comments.
It's probably time to shed the "bored housewife" skin, anyway,
since I am far from bored and barely even a housewife these days.
I am a student and a shitty-but-hoping-to-improve journalist.
I wish I knew how to disable comments for a while or to hide all my posts without deleting them.
I am floating in the thickness of air which lies somewhere between "Humble" and "Humiliated".
Not a bad place to hang out, all things considered, but I'd like to find the door.
Everyone be on your best behavior, if you please.
I did indeed open up the Pandora('s-dorky-cousin)'s Box of a blog and invite...
somewhere near all of the other writers at the newspaper into it.
As I said, before I realized how scathing my newspaper-related blog posts were, they really are more than welcome here.
This is me.
Well...part of me.
I am much more mouthy on here...
--Back to your regularly scheduled program--
Parents due to arrive in about 48 hours.
I have forgotten to even feel excited about this, so I will take a moment to do so.
Consider me stoked.
Once a year is not often enough.
I will be thankful for this additional visit, even though it's short.
Will continue pondering the change of venue, and keep you all posted.
I have a really cool domain name that I've been wanting to use full-time,
so maybe I will.
Maybe I'll let go of something before it kills me...
Eh, maybe not.
I think I'll go cook dinner, and pretend that none of the dear, sweet kids from the paper have ever seen this page or any of its...dubious contents.
p.s. after receiving a bunch of "wait for me!" comments, let me add: I will share the URL with any- and everyone who asks.
And...now that I've had time to calm down, I think I'll go ahead with the move--
but I'll do it because it's time to shake things up, and not because I feel naked and exposed in front of a bunch of people who I'll see in real life but who don't actually know me...that's a freaky-fucking feeling, in case any of you haven't experienced it.
Here's what I need: Someone who knows how to transfer archives from here to another site...anyone...?
p.p.s. I realized that I should probably explaina little bit about what happened.
To summarize: I was extremely stressed out about, well, about life in general and specifically about the new expectations associated to my job at my school newspaper. I have no excuse for venting so ruthlessly here, but I hope the bigger picture can be understood. I am a giant lame-o who doesn't deal well with change--takes me a minute to adjust to new ideas and expectations. I was emotionally drained and attempting to drag myself and my two unrulier-by-the-second 6 year olds into Back To School Mode after a long and...unruly-making summer. I know, poor me. I am a baby, I guess. Anyway, it was just a lot for me to wrap my head around--I was scared of trying to switch my focus from reviews to previews and I began doubting that I was even doing a good enough job for it to be worth it to continue. I began wondering if I had the energy to do what it would take to be good at this job and its new responsibilities. All I wanted to do was sit in the cab of an abandoned truck and listen to CDs that don't belong to anyone anymore and cry for all the unspoken conversations, all the days I could have hugged but never did. But I couldn't wallow forever and we had to clean out more of his stuff from the garage this weekend and the truck is gone. Gone. I hate that I finally get my privacy back at this cost--I didn't mind, I really didn't. But I feel guilty for being happy to shower with the door open, and I feel guilty for being glad to have a guest room to offer my parents tomorrow...yes, in a house this size, we really only had one extra bedroom. Fuck, how did this turn into this? I guess...it's still heavy on my mind and in my heart and I don't care who I'm talking to right now. However. I wish I had expressed my concerns to my editor instead of trying to sort through it all first. I wish he knew how highly I really think of him.