Torn--

between wanting to bask in the lazy, warm nothing of summer forever
and
needing the kids to be back in school to save my sanity!
They are growing tired of so much freedom, and of each other's constant company.
This is the way of school aged children; I do not feel unique in this regard.
I just can't believe how fast the summer has moved.
Utah is weird (for many reasons, but I'll try not to get sidetracked).
It is so hot here in August that when school starts it is still TOTALLY summer.
It's been in the 90s and 100s for most of the summer this year, which is a little unusual, but it is making it extra hard to get in the right frame of mind for going back to school.
I am still tweaking my schedule for classes, but I will nail it down tonight.
I had myself scheduled for 5 days a week, but I am chickening out.
It is an hour and a half round trip, including the walk to and from the car, and I'd just rather not be committed to making that journey EVERY day.
So I've switched to a 8:30 to 12:40, back to back classes schedule.
My biggest hang up with this new schedule is that the first class of the day is a PE class--circuit training for 2 credits, hell yeah!
But...that means I'll have 15 minutes to shower, dress, and walk to my next class...
Ugh.
I'm a pretty low maintenance gal, so I'm sure it'll be fine, I just have to wrap my head around it.
One of the other new additions is a Philosophy class on logic which will count for my remaining math credit.
I tend to grasp mathematical concepts easily, so I'm not too worried about it, and it'll be a nice change from all the English classes.
Hopefully.

I'm sure that was riveting.

I bought a Pearl Jam album on Monday.
Lost Dogs.
When I put in the first disk I felt very disoriented; it did NOT sound like Pearl Jam.
At all.
It was great, but not very Vedder.
But then Yellow Ledbetter came on and I cranked it and wailed with him and all was right in my world.

An update on the new black car:
I.
Must.
Drive.
It.
I am flooded with adrenaline when I'm behind the wheel of that thing!
For anyone interested in car stuff it's a C32 AMG Kompressor.
I guess that is why the engine purrs like a happy lion...
And that is why I purr like a happy kitty when I drive it.
I have requested joint custody, so we'll see.
I think it's a reasonable request that I get to take the car once or twice a week.
Otherwise I'll end up stealing it and running away to Mexico to have a secret love affair with it!
I mean, I still love my Volvo, but...
I must admit this black fella is much closer to my True Love.
It purrs I tell ya, purrs!!!

Ahem.

I jotted down some stuff the other day that came out like poetry, so here it is, if you're into that sorta thing:

Cries should be rushing out of me--
aural evidence of my sadness.
But they lie tangled in my throat,
Strong hands leave them strangled in my throat.

***

I wander through the terrain of my mind
and find
the path has become tortuous,
the way out is now torturous.
This landscape is alien--
I fear that I have never been here before.

***
And then I wrote a freaky little beginning of a book that sounds way too dark for me, but I may end up using it some day.

I have so much more to say, but it does no good for me to dwell on the things that hurt me.
I will find solid ground again.