Wednesday, January 08, 2003

Howdy. Today was a warm day and i took my kids to the playground. i love winter in Utah...yes, i know. I just said love and utah in the same sentence. it's sort of creepy. anyway, we had a great time. i met a guy who was there with his triplets--zoiks. we compared notes (birthweight, gestation, time in newborn ICU, etc) and had a very satisfying conversation. sometimes it ain't so bad gettin' out and mingling with the locals...although, actually, he's not a local either...could explain why i didn't hate him. Anyway, it's nice to be reminded occassionally that twins is as easy as it gets--besides having one at a time babies, but who needs that crap? I'm a multi-tasker, you see. Besides, all my friends were having their first babies the same year i got pregnant and i wanted to be different...of course we all had boys, but that's alright. i still had TWO.

So, here are some thoughts on my obsession with hating Utah.

I would hate it if we lived in Maine and I was as happy as a clam, and all my husband did was whine at me to move to Utah. I think he wants to tell me yes, but his subconscious doesn't really accept it, because he keeps making long term plans for And it's hard to argue with him because I can't guarantee what would happen if we took a chance and moved to Maine. Of course, we can't even guarantee what will happen if we stay here. He could lose his job or get hit by a car or who knows what. But, it's sort of the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" line of thinking, and I have to agree. If I could find him a job with a comparable salary and a company with a definite future and people who respected him and who he enjoyed working with....sheesh. I wouldn't want to leave all that either. I am beyond pissed off about this. I guess another old saying is true--you can't always get what you want. I wish I was better at accepting stuff like that. Also, I honestly believe that if we lived anywhere but Utah I wouldn't have this issue at all. Because, yeah, Maine is great and I miss a handful of people but that's not what this is all about. I could handle being homesick if I didn't hate where I am. In fact, I was never homesick until I started hating it here. Now it has sort of worked into this huge issue of the evil black hole full of betrayal and dashed hopes of utah, versus the green, lush, ocean-side, good memories-filled Maine...Would you like some mellow with that drama, for shit's sake? So, hopefully i'll get to move away from here soon. but then what would i have to bitch about? i'm sure i'd think of something...cold winters for starters...

Well it's meatloaf night, so i better get going.

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