Monday, July 28, 2008

It's official!

I am officially moving!
It still sort of feels like a dream, or a non-reality at the very least.
But it is official.
I have notified the Ex,
I have bought return tickets,
I have reserved a portion of a semi from a handy-dandy moving company,
I have...I have...oh, shit, the trampoline! I hope it fits.
I have reserved a rental car for the week we are there, since my car is here
and the distance between there and here is...about 2700 miles which at these prices cost me about $700 in gas just to get out here and flying 3 people costs 800 so why not skip the 4 days of hellish torment, plus hotels and food which would drive the total past $1000 without any trouble??
That's what I thought.
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
That was a mixture of relief and exhaustion, in case you're wondering.
This summer has flown by at mach speed and it's not getting any less busy anytime soon.
We have just over two weeks left until the week in Utah and then we'll have another 2 weeks until school starts but as we adults all know, that kinda time is going to pass in the slow blink of two happy eyes.

Happy...
That's an emotion I was pretty far out of touch with for a while.
But I've found it again and even if it is buried beneath a heap of stress and planning right now there is just nooooo frickin way that I'll be taking it for granted any time soon.
I have a second chance at happiness and I will not squander it.
I will not, I will not!

Hoe
Lee
Shit.

Maybe if I say it enough it will begin to sink in:
I am moving HOME.
I get to move home....
finally.
Oh, god, finally!
After all these years of aching for the ocean, yearning for a comprehensible social structure, keening for good seafood and hardworking people where the majority of the people aren't obsessed with appearances and my kids will not face ostracism just for our religious beliefs (or lack thereof...).
Praise jesus, I am HOME!!!

And with this return to New England comes my ability to be near family and friends again who once defined me--who helped shape the best parts of me--and maybe, just maybe, I will find myself again in their reflections.

I have so much to do it's not even funny...
I am so loved it's not even funny.
I am getting in shape again so fast it's not even funny.
And yet...I sure do seem to laugh a lot...hmm...funny.

***********
The sun setting over Megunticook Lake, the kids play with a ridiculously large amount of enthusiasm while J and I lie on towels and hash over our lives with equal zeal.




On my bike ride the other day, when I discovered a GIANT patch of raspberries, the picture of which has been accidentally deleted, but my kick ass helmet still deserves its moment in the sun:



At the end of the woods trail where I found the wild raspberries there is a wide, sloping hill I like to call, "Blueberry Fields Forever"...mostly because it borders an AWESOME, old cemetary....hehee...


I am now on my way out to go kayaking.
I have been biking 5-10 miles a day for the past week, minus one day wherein I hiked instead and one day on which it rained too much...I'm at 6 days out of the last 8.
WOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!
Damn, I love exercise!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Is July really almost over???

I have so much to say!
And for once…I believe I may have not only the time but the WORDS and a computer!
It’s not connected to the internet, but that is not a problem.
I just need the outlet; I’ll post it when I can.

It has turned muggy;
I guess summer has finally arrived.
I enjoyed the drier, cooler part of the summer up til now, but I’ll take the humidity.
It reminds me with every drop of condensation on my brow that I am
Home.
Home!
I have been struggling with what that means and I’m sure you’ll hear more about it over the next few months, but for now it means I am where I belong and
I am
with
the one I belong…with?
Eh, that was almost as bad as Mike Meyers saying, “Allow myself to introduce….myself?”
Whatevs. You get it.

My love and I were shopping with the boys, to spend some birthday money they had received, and we spent some time at a kitchen store that happened to have a toy section. There were several long shelves packed with model horses and fairies and dragons, etc.
I was giddy over them—overcome with childhood yearning for playing with such things.
I showed him the ones I liked best and giggled and said how much I would have loved them as a child—and that I would play with them Today if I had them.
Several days later, the conversation having been covered with layers and layers of words from our nearly constant stream of dialogue, I saw a bag in his truck from the kitchen store and offered to bring it in for him. I assumed he had gone back for one of the kitchen items we were so taken with but when I mentioned it he blushed a little and said, “I was going to wait for just the right time, but now this is just the right time!” He sprang from his chair and jogged out to the truck. I was curious, but still had no inkling. He began to unroll some tissue paper and out came the Pegasus! I melted. He had remembered well; there were also the male and female fairies that I have named after us, he atop a brown (anatomically correct) stallion and she atop a white unicorn with a dusting of glitter in mane and tail. I can’t stop smiling, even now. And yes, I played with them. They are inspiring to my child’s mind and I will report on their adventures as they happen…



Speaking of adventures, there have been so many since I’ve been here!
Even some of the ones I’ve reported on have been poorly represented because of the inability of my blackberry’s keyboard to accommodate the speed of my thoughts connecting with my fingers.

I have lost more than a few cool ideas for lack of ability to record them, but I’ll do better.
I must remember that I suck like a toothless whore at saving thoughts for later retrieval; poetry is ephemeral.
So far, my Mexican Synthroid seems to be working like the usual, but who knows.
We have been swimming and sailing and kayaking and motorcycling.

We have been eating lobster like kings.
We have been so busy that I would not have had time to blog even if I would’ve had a computer.
I bought a bike yesterday.
Haven’t had one in years!
Am soooo excited to ride it.
(today I bought an ass-lovin' gel seat and a high-quality helmet, after going for my first ass-kickin' ride...ugh...someone got SOOO out of shape!!)

I’ve been having a bit of trouble with navigation.
Odd, since this is where I grew up!
I have a couple of really good excuses for this, however…
First, my home base is slightly askew of where it always has been.
Only a few miles but just enough to really fuck with my head when I’m trying to figure out the quickest route somewhere.
Remember my post about Maine having no straight lines?
Well it’s true.
So I don’t know where I am in relation to where my parents are, as far as North, South, etc., but I always feel like I’m further from town and I’m actually closer to a lot of things.
Very unbalancing.
So I was juuust getting the routes down, when the lovely construction force decided to close down the road I live on.
This road is right off Rt. 1, which is a main thoroughfare.
And now we have to add about 8 miles to every roundtrip we take from here…damn gas prices…AND it brings back in full force the question of “which way’s fastest??”
This road will be closed until November, as they are constructing a whole new bridge.
Feck.
The next problem is that some of the places we go are very obscure and require several turns into places previously uncharted by me at all—and Love takes a different route every time.
Oh well.
I successfully maneuvered to and from his friend’s house yesterday by myself—in from one side of the “mountain” and out another side.
…yes mountain must be in quotes because I’ve just left the Rockies.
Puh-leeez.
These mountains are so old they’re barely even here anymore.
But they sure are beautiful—all green and rolling, like laughter incarnate.

We found a good beach for starfish.

I am going to go shower now and then see if I can’t write me up a good ole press release for my honey.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Beautiful Day!

It is Sunday and there is a cool breeze swirling through this sunshine!
I am at peace with my world.
It isn't always easy to find peace, even with my Soul Mate at my side--
big decisions, big plans, big changes.

I miss this daily outlet so much.

I have a beautiful little paper journal that I've been using a bit, as the thoughts break the dam and must be let through.
A gift from my Love.
And I just opened it to find a few passages I wrote so that I could share them here, and found the following smile-maker:
"Just so you know,
I don't read anything in here. I just flip up to a random blank page and leave a little note to let you know I love you so much.
Kisses.
7-8-2008"

I am writing right now on someone else's laptop, which has a broken monitor requiring me to turn my head sharply to the right in order to have my eyes on these words I type.
I continually drag my lower thumb across the mouse pad and fuck with my cursor position.
Siiiiiiigh.
Maybe I will not take for granted a conveniently working computer again.
And maybe that means that when I do have a working machine, in a comfortable setup,
that I will write.
And write and write and write.
Maybe.

Ok, here's what I scribbled on 7-7-08
I must write because the words are now ripe, raw, READY--
they have been fermenting, aging, but now it is time for them to be
expunged
expelled
expatriated--
these words that have lived their quiet lives (so far) inside my head are ready to find a new home and live on in print as foreigners in a foreign land--letters in this digital world

Eh.
It could use some p;olish, but then so could be typing skills

I can't take this keyboard anymore.
i have stuff to say but this is pissing me off which makes it hgihly unrelazxing.
feck.

at least i had a flying dream last night

Twinners' birthday tomorrow.
8, if you can believe it!

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Crescent Beach

Sea breezes and solitude.
Could only be better if my Love were here, but
Oddly enough,
I'm just as happy to know that he is spending some quality time with
one of his boys.
"Solitude" refers to the fact that there is only one other small group
on this tiny moon-shaped beach and they are at the other end.

We passed my elementary school on the way here and I saw the tall row
of trees we planted on Arbor day 23 years ago.
Fuckin sweet!

********later

We stopped at that L shaped row of trees on the way back and I hugged
the one I think was mine. How 'bout that fer tarded??

I poured all my fears into a rock and thre it into the sea.

And have I mentioned the birds?
No, not the one that pooped on Shar the other day.
But the ones surrounding this beautiful house.
They sing to me in the cool, misty mornngs
And in the warm, breezy evenings.

Tonight?
Girls Night.
Will I wish for my sweet one the whole time?
Well, YEAH, duuuuuh.
But I will also just drink and laugh with a couple of great friends.
Oh, that reminds me!
Gotta call a couple more.

Adios, amiogs(is it the same plural??)

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

Crescent Beach

Sea breezes and solitude.
Could only be better if my Love were here, but
Oddly enough,
I'm just as happy to know that he is spending some quality time with
one of his boys.
"Solitude" refers to the fact that there is only one other small group
on this tiny moon-shaped beach and they are at the other end.

We passed my elementary school on the way here and I saw the tall row
of trees we planted on Arbor day 23 years ago.
Fuckin sweet!

********later

We stopped at that L shaped row of trees on the way back and I hugged
the one I think was mine. How 'bout that fer tarded??

I poured all my fears into a rock and thre it into the sea.

And have I mentioned the birds?
No, not the one that pooped on Shar the other day.
But the ones surrounding this beautiful house.
They sing to me in the cool, misty mornngs
And in the warm, breezy evenings.

Tonight?
Girls Night.
Will I wish for my sweet one the whole time?
Well, YEAH, duuuuuh.
But I will also just drink and laugh with a couple of great friends.
Oh, that reminds me!
Gotta call a couple more.

Adios, amiogs(is it the same plural??)

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Rats!

So much for having my computer accessible again!
2 hours I spent on my laptop yesterday and now the power cord doesn't
charge it.
Does this mean I am destined to lose my mind, slowly and steadily?
I need an outlet for the thoughts scorching their jumb led messages
into the backs of my eyeballs but
Writing on my Blackberry I'd slower than writing with a pen and paper.
I have a warranty so I will check into that.
But I kinda wanna cry.

Other than that I'm blissfully happy.

It's going to be hot and sticky again today.
Sounds like a day for Lucia!

We have a very long list of Crap We Must Remember To Do but we are
utterly distractable.

I am getting more out of shape by the second.
Pissing me off
Must find a routine of some kind in all this happy chaos.
With routine there is time for working out.

Have a very great day.

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

Monday, July 07, 2008

Thoughts in shards

Because there is so much going on around me!
I love it, but...
I do like some peace and quiet from time to time.
Ok, more like I like some peace and quiet every single day.

I can't think clearly with so much going on.
It is a hot day here and I feel lethargic with all of the Nothing I've been doing.
I got my suitcases unpacked and loaded into the wonderful space that my Darlin' cleared out of his huge closet for me.
And I sorta got caught up on email...no, not really.
I just wrote a brief summary of our reunion to a girl who didn't go.
Saturday night was the 15th reunion for my high school class.
It was cool.
I have thoughts, but they are disconnected from my fingers right now.
More later.

I better just go cook dinner...or go to the store and buy something to cook for my giant family (ok, not so giant: 4 kids and a guest plus Love and I).
It's hot out.
Maybe just watermelon.
Mmmmmm...
Or a nap.
I have awesome pictures, too, and plan to do some hardcore writing this week, so stay tuned......

Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy indy-pendence day!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry