Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I'm going on a trip, and I'm going to take...

An armadillo
a barbeque grill
an escalator
a fart vacuum
ahem...you get the point.
We drove 25 hours over two days to Maine,
and 23 hours over two days back to Iowa.
The first one included a slight detour to stay the night with good friends in Pittsburgh.
That's a lot of driving.
With two restless 11-year-olds in the backseat.
They rocked it.
And my favorite part of the whole driving experience was around 2am on the first day of driving on our way back to Iowa.
The kids had been sleeping off and on all day, so were wide awake for the after-midnight stretch of driving that took us to our just-past-halfway goal for the night.
I roped them into playing that game, and it kept me awake through the hardest part of the night.
We laughed and laughed, and they would have lost very early on, but I coached them because I didn't want to stop playing.
Good times.
The visit to Maine itself was fast and furious, filled with friends and...fucking cleaning. Sorry, I was on an alliteration roll, there...
We finished things up at our house and brought the camper back to Iowa with us.

So anyway.
It was surreal to be there...
everything has always felt so right, so perfectly aligned there, so comfortable.
And I just wanted to stay.
I wanted it more than anything.
So it's good to see that some things never change, right?
I guess I found my answer: too much contentment isn't good for my creative process.
And I guess I should thank Fate or the Universe for pushing Maine out of my reach instead of Michael...
that would have been far more devastating.
I would write, alright, but it wouldn't be anything worth reading...
it would be, like, Edgar Allen Poe meets Adele or something. :)
Soooooo.....here I sit, in Iowa.
Trying to convince myself that I do, indeed, live here.
And that I may not get to move back to my beautiful Maine any time soon.
And it just sort of leaves me depressed.
But I think if I keep pushing, and keep trying, I will find a way to accept this place.
This too-nice, too-boring place.
Somewhere with nothing dramatic in the landscape, nothing daring in the fabric
of its citizens, just politeness and pleasantness and NO SWEARING and
Christianity preached from billboards and bumper stickers.
How the fuck am I going to survive this shit????
Always writing.
But....I don't think I have the energy to push against this place like I did against Utah.
I'm tired.
I'm basically happy.
This time...will I join em, instead of trying to beat


FarmGirl said...

I am from NH, and my husband from MA. He convinced me to come live in MA, but that we might move north again someday. It has taken over a year to decide, and we are finally moving back to my wonderful NH. For now. We are saving up to build a house, but my husband wants us to build in MA. I know those states aren't far apart. Gas is expensive, though, even for that. It feels like two different worlds. I hope you get to visit your beloved Maine very often- true love is worth it!

Heather said...

Hi I’m Heather! Please email me when you get a chance! I have a question about your blog. HeatherVonsj(at)gmail(dot)com