Saturday, October 15, 2011

Turmoil

From the sea, to the mountains and finally back to the sea...
and now?
Without even looking for it, or asking for it,
we are offered a new life in the
middle
of this country.
A new start, a new era.
I feel in my bones that it is the right choice for us,
that it is our destiny,
inevitably rolling along and we are but passengers on this glorious ride.
But my heart is breaking...
I guess no one can have EVERYTHING they want, eh?
True Love?
check
Living in Maine again after all those years of yearning?
check
Having enough money to thrive here?
Nuh-uh.
And I find myself wishing that money didn't matter.
Because I sure as hell know that it doesn't matter as much as my love for this rugged and harsh landscape,
finely detailed with rocks and trees and winding roads that take my breath away every single day.
And I damn sure know that money doesn't hold a candle to the amazing friends and family I have here--the people I've known my whole life, the people I missed for the half of my life that I lived in the desert west and the people I've only been life-long friends with since meeting my True Love.
Living here these 3 years has been an oasis in the journey that is my life, the adventure I get the chance to live!
Instead of being bitter that we couldn't "make it" here,
instead of feeling despair at leaving the full-body warmth that comes with familiarity so deep it's in my bones,
instead of resisting this change that is vital to our survival,
let me rejoice that I had this chance at all!
Let me praise the mysterious ways of the universe around us
for granting me this stay in paradise.
My paradise.
To you paradise might evoke images of white sandy beaches and azure waters, palm trees and cabana boys.
For me, paradise is the rocky coast of Maine--green trees so lush you have to fight them for some land to build a house, water so cold and blue dotted with green tufts of islands on the horizon, lighthouses and lobstermen...
Bearded, gruff men with accents--the backbone of our tiny, glorious coast,
seafood and amazing restaurants,
sailing and skiing...

Shiiiiiit, I'm homesick already.

But yes.
I will try to remember to be grateful for this chance...this chance I had to reassert my roots, to reconnect with those I love, and to wallow in the utter perfection of this landscape!!!

Iowa...get ready.
Cuz I expect to be bored, restless, and still madly in love with my husband!!

1 comment:

E. said...

It's the madly in love part that's important! And you won't be bored. You'll make yourself an awesome life. Welcome east to the midwest!